Spoke with my mother the other day ...

It has taken me some time to write about my experience speaking with my mother (on the phone) the other day and how deeply it affected me.

My T was right. She really does have a lot of power over me. I think it is because she is so delusional and manipulative and so faux. It really hurts.

We were speaking with each other very politely and pretending nothing was wrong (which is fine with her, but not ok for me). It was oddly strange and so sad. I also felt a little sorry for her when we hung up.

But I've had bad dreams ever since

It really agitated me. And I don't know how to get rid of this horrible feeling of sickness ... except for identify each specific feeling, feel it, and then (hopefully) recover/move on from it.

They are not good at all. They all hurt and are sad.

I guess I learned my lesson that I am not able to speak with her again unless something drastic happens with my coping skills and DBT.

I am so sorry Rose. My mother and I have had a strained relationship my whole life, so I can understand your being deeply bothered. When I have, what I term, Mamma Drama, I feel the feeling and let it come, then when I am done with it, I put a bubble around it, let it float up into the sky until I can't see it anymore, then do something I enjoy to replace the feeling of angst with one of delight.

I hope something like this helps as it's all I have to offer.

I just had similar with my parents - not spoken for a year but communicated via email for a couple of messages. Then I asked a question about our family dog (who they just put to sleep) and she's completely blanked me. I know it sounds trivial and not much but she used to dig at me over that I had not gone to see the dog - she knows how much I loved him. Anyhow, I know not telling me what I wanted to know is her way of punishing me again because I made the decision to keep away last June. All it does is remind me that I was right to do so.

I don't know how you will find your way of coping, but for me I just understand where/what they do, understand that reason doesn't come into it and let it go. It's still one of the hardest things to go through I think, but a necessity.

Try doing something nice for yourself. You DO deserve it, no matter how rubbish your mum may make you feel or talking to her makes you feel. It's not your fault you have parents the way you are, you can only cope your own way.

Not feeling as sad and agitated today...still having vivid dreams ... but they are just weird now.

Not disruptive/disturbing, though (which is a good thing...so I will chalk it up to healing / progress)

I still remember my T predicting things would change dramatically for me after my stepmother died, and they did. My T couldn't budge the power thing from me and I remember my senile stepmother visiting and I was on the toilet and she called me from the living room and I hurried to get up and go see what she wanted! I told my T and that's when she made her prediction but the hard questions she asked before. . . I mean I don't even finish going to the bathroom? Just, "how high?" no matter what is going on in my own life.

I'm just so sorry Rose. It hurts to know that someone we desperately want to connect with in a more positive way just doesn't want to play ball. I don't have much advice to give as sadly the relationship i share with my Mother is also an unhappy one. I hope the support team you have is helping you in finding ways to get through this. Carry on being as civil and interested as you can - i'm not sure how involved you are with your Mother at this point but if you still send birthday cards, occasional letters, gifts if they're appropriate etc - carry on doing so but either way kudos to you for trying to work this out. Respect and dignity are qualities they will never be able to tarnish. Wishing you all the best dearheart

Rose, I know you have given me some helpful advice about my situation with my mother. You have made me think about more positive things and it has helped, since I don't have a t to talk to. I actually can feel your hurt. I know about the dreams, I have them. For me they go away but it took time. I think your right it is the healing process.
The power from my mother is always there and even when I'm thinking I've gotten better and had more positive thoughts it comes right back. That is what I need to learn, I need to learn how to ignore that power, because I don't think it will go away for me.
I kind of feel you are brave and very strong that you made a step in speaking to her. I'm still afraid of what I will feel if I talked with her even on the phone. I am not brave, I am very much a weakling. I want someday to talk to her and I would like it if she could just be nice and talk to me to, but i know if I did call her and after she got out the ration of crap she wanted me to hear about what ive done wrong to her, we would have nothing to say to one another except for nonsense. Then that would make me not want to talk to her some more.
I just thought I would say I'm sorry about your pain, since you have always given me such kind words.