[deepblue]

what is the matter with me i used to be a care free minded woman now i am constantly in a bad mood tonight for instance i came home from work and as soon i walked round the corner i went into a foul mood took it out on my husband,internet was down last night and because he did not sort it i went mad we argued bringing everything up , but does this stem from my insecurity, depression,anger or the fact of i constantly think he is up to something with all accusations. it was his fault the internet is down well that what i think in my mind , it is his fault i think he is up to something,why do i think this am i just being selfish spoilt brat at 32 or am i experiencing some major brain disfunction that i think i am depressed, paranoid,*****y towards my husband, well i don't think i am that way how can i turn a bad thought into a good one

i think i am going slightly mad

alot of things are thrown in each others faces that hurt but then do we mean them because it still effects me, it still affects the way i feel towards him .why!!!!!

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

Well to start I would.............
Say I AM SORRY and tell him why you felt as though you reacted in such a harsh and unloving way to the man of your dreams & heart.
ASK for FORGIVENESS.......................... ASAP!!

Take it from there and the we can see how things go.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[deepblue]

thank you rhapsody for your advice i will take it and act on it

thank you for your hugs

this site is very uplifting and i thank pc and all its members for there valued contribution

[seeker1950]

Hi, Blue...sorry you are feeling this way, sweetie.
Do you have children...how many? ages? Also, how long have you been with your husband, whom you say is looking at other women? Has this always been his nature or is this a new thing with him?
Perhaps these questions seem inappropriate to your post, but having read your other thread about him, I'm concerned for you.
Patty

[deepblue]

thankyou seeker for your response

i have three children 15,13 and 5 two girls and a boy they do not live with me but i have regular contact every fortnight .i live with my husband and his 2 children 15, 13

this is my forth relationship.i have the 2 eldest from ist relationship of 6 yrs but found out he cheated on me when i was 7 mths pregnant with first i was 16, in the down stairs living room of his sisters where we were staying.had an affair on him with my next relationship whom i married and seemed obsessed about found out he was watching lesb.xxx movies and found another womans home phone number which i found when i rand it he told me it was a works mate!!!!so i divorced him then met my third relatonship which was where i had my last child that relationship was violent so we split after i cheated on him twice so he got the message as he said to me we were not finished until he decided.then i met my last he has had 4 relationships i am the 4 th i did not know of his violent issues until people told me after i called the police i found out he was looking at other women on the net by chance and when i confronted him he would go mad at me then accusing me of cheating on me , i told him everything the first night i met him about my last relationships for a reason so non of my ex,s could sh't stir but i think that was a bad mistake as he uses that in a arguement.

he loves me, like he said he has never cheated on me but i have on him,so maybe he checks other women out on sites for pure ignorance he does not know why but when i did it i got a punch.

things are better now with him and his accusations but i can't stop checking his pc every night he knows i do it, sometimes i go mad if i don,t check because then i think he is up to somthing .

feel alittle better

[seeker1950]

Oh, my, Blue...you have describe quite a history here. I'm speechless, to be honest.
I'm going to suggest finding a quiet place within yourself...step back from it all, if possible, and assess what you, I mean YOU want in life. You have had a difficult time with men. This can leave one bitter, untrusting, and deeply wounded. The children you mention have to have suffered from this also.
Remember...quiet yourself internally, even if it takes several days...Don't think about what HE'S doing. Focus on yourself, and find that quiet place. Then, once you're there, start to asses the situation more objectively.
Love
Patty

[deepblue]

(((((((((((patty)))))))))))))

thank you for reading not sure why i went into detail but will honestly say to you thankyou from my heart for your advice i will try it and see how i get on

i am feeling better now , like my husband has asked and it is because i am on the internet on here p/centrel i felt very lonely with out it ...... strange!

i actually feel like a spoilt brat stomping my feet and throwing a tantrum just because i couldn't get what i wanted, now that i have i feel a little better

look forward to speaking soon

keep smilng seeker

[alisandria]

(((deepblue))) how are things today?

[deepblue]

alisandria thankyou for yor reply

today i feel alittle better , he rang me at work today to meet for lunch i declined as i could feel the bad temper forming on the phone just speaking to him , he sent me a bunch of flowers to cheer me up considering i don't deserve them after the way i treated him last night , i did promise this morning i would not be in a bad mood tonight , i am managing to hold it so far, but i feel so sick with worry that i can't seem to eat.

he has asked his probation officer to find me some help with my abuse which he feels is the cause for my behavior lately

keep well

[razeljenny]

I sometimes, (more and more often) do that with my mate. Well, if he really loves you, he will forgive you.

Just trying to not repeat it would be nice. Telling him that you will try not to do it with God's help, could be really nice.

You know I have been sad when My Computer is not working on the Net. So I definately go through withdraw symptoms about that like you do. Just know that I have had the exact reactation that you talked of. Sorry to say, but I did with my son, when ours didn't work on the Net. Anyway, I will say a prayer for you both and send love and goodness your way via the spiritual internet. Love Razeljenny. with good intention