[unkownusername]

Well, I just get to the point and not fell sorry for myself.
I'm kinda depressed. I can't seem to get anything done anymore. I got my results back from my summer exams and they for me(I usually get from A's to C's)****(1 A rest C's and D's). My year think I'm messed up, whether its cause I say things the way I see them and don't sugar coat it or lie like the rest of the people in my year do.The only time any more I feel content is when I'm writing code. Another thing I should mention is that I'm a boarder at my school so I can't "disappear" if i feel like punching someone in the face. My family (on my mother's side) have a history of getting addicted to stuff, and as I am on my computer all my free time I'm starting to wonder if I'm addicted to it and when I'm away I just coming off whatever high I might get from it. Any help/advice/what ever would be helpful as you can see I'm slightly confused and feel lost and not in control of my life.
Many Thanks in Advanced
Me
(I'm a 15 year old boy in case that helps)

[Travelinglady]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central, unkownusername! I'm sorry the responses are slow.

I only know what you are telling me, of course, but I suggest you try to be more tactful and discerning in sharing "the truth" with people if you do want to get along with people better. I can assure you that being too blunt about matters is not the way to "win friends and influence people," as a book by Dale Carnegie is titled. I'm not exactly saying to lie.

Would you mind giving some examples of how you have responded to people this way under what circumstances? Then I can provide more feedback.

People prefer compliments, of course. Say if a girl asks, "Do you think my red hair is pretty?" and you think it's the ugliest hair you have ever seen, it's not a great idea to come out and say that. Perhaps one response that might work would be: "Well, I would prefer to see you with a different color. I think auburn would really bring out the color in your eyes."

As far as getting some help with your other matters, I suggest you check out our Depression forum and our Addictions forum.

We do have other teenagers here, by the way.

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unkownusername

Well, I just get to the point and not fell sorry for myself.
I'm kinda depressed. I can't seem to get anything done anymore. I got my results back from my summer exams and they for me(I usually get from A's to C's)****(1 A rest C's and D's). My year think I'm messed up, whether its cause I say things the way I see them and don't sugar coat it or lie like the rest of the people in my year do.The only time any more I feel content is when I'm writing code. Another thing I should mention is that I'm a boarder at my school so I can't "disappear" if i feel like punching someone in the face. My family (on my mother's side) have a history of getting addicted to stuff, and as I am on my computer all my free time I'm starting to wonder if I'm addicted to it and when I'm away I just coming off whatever high I might get from it. Any help/advice/what ever would be helpful as you can see I'm slightly confused and feel lost and not in control of my life.
Many Thanks in Advanced
Me
(I'm a 15 year old boy in case that helps)

I dont know if your content with how the other people at your school think of you, but i kind of agree with PP. Im usually brutally honest too, but if your trying to make friends and get along with people, you have to have a filter and learn how to say the right thing at the right time.
If you want to do better in school, you could kill two birds with one stone and spend less time on the computer and more time studying. If your not sure if your addicted to it, you'll know then haha.
Is boarding at your school something you wanted?

[manwithnofriends]

You "writing code" is a good thing, if I assume that means programming because there are lots of programming jobs out there

[hamster-bamster]

I am not a coder but I work with coders.

There are some traits that often (but not always) are present in coders. It does not have to be all the way to the Schizoid Personality Disorder, but definitely introversion. Asperger's, too. And, not the best social skills.

So to the extent that you find yourself content only when writing code, it could be because you have some of those traits, and those traits do not make for easy-breezy socialization.

[unkownusername]

I wanted to board and I still do as i want some freedom from my almost controlling mum. Its just the school was a disappointment when i first went ( and trust me i had no illusions about how it was going to be like as I knew some people who went and asked them how it was like) and since then its gone down hill. My year is the last of a generation that got beaten by prefects and stuff(though as I kept my mouth shout I was ok must of the time) but the system has changed and its just the people in in your year that you really talk to and trust me my year is ****.And also I should mention, the friends I did make have all left the school so for the last month or so of the year I was kinda a loner which did't help me getting friends. And oh nice profile picture, Joker right?

[unkownusername]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Hello and welcome to Psych Central, unkownusername! I'm sorry the responses are slow.

I only know what you are telling me, of course, but I suggest you try to be more tactful and discerning in sharing "the truth" with people if you do want to get along with people better. I can assure you that being too blunt about matters is not the way to "win friends and influence people," as a book by Dale Carnegie is titled. I'm not exactly saying to lie.

Would you mind giving some examples of how you have responded to people this way under what circumstances? Then I can provide more feedback.

People prefer compliments, of course. Say if a girl asks, "Do you think my red hair is pretty?" and you think it's the ugliest hair you have ever seen, it's not a great idea to come out and say that. Perhaps one response that might work would be: "Well, I would prefer to see you with a different color. I think auburn would really bring out the color in your eyes."

As far as getting some help with your other matters, I suggest you check out our Depression forum and our Addictions forum.

We do have other teenagers here, by the way.

The problem is that when I do talk to girls its usually not about that kinda stuff, more school work and all that kinda stuff, though I have started a youtube channel that has done some vids with other channel(people I didn't know) as almost practice for this next year and see where it gets me after a month or two. Any advice I can get is well appreciated as I'm pretty much lost. And one thing I should mention is that I have a few friends at home but because of me boarding I don't usually get to hang out with them and I can't really make more time during the time I do get free because my mum (who is controlling and has this phrase "May be you should" that she says every time I come home for the weekend that means I don't get to do what i feel like doing. But hey any more advice is appreciated and I think I will check out the addiction and depression forums later.

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unkownusername

I wanted to board and I still do as i want some freedom from my almost controlling mum. Its just the school was a disappointment when i first went ( and trust me i had no illusions about how it was going to be like as I knew some people who went and asked them how it was like) and since then its gone down hill. My year is the last of a generation that got beaten by prefects and stuff(though as I kept my mouth shout I was ok must of the time) but the system has changed and its just the people in in your year that you really talk to and trust me my year is ****.And also I should mention, the friends I did make have all left the school so for the last month or so of the year I was kinda a loner which did't help me getting friends. And oh nice profile picture, Joker right?

Their allowed to use corporal punishment at your school? Wow. I thought that was a thing of the past. How many people are in your year? Im usually a black and white thinker, but really, there have to be some people that you could like.
Is it possible to be friends with people outside your grade? I dont know much about boarding schools so sorry if its a stupid question, but if its like a traditional high school, all four years mingle some time or another. Dont be afraid to be alone. If you force relationships you can end up worse off then you were by yourself.
Yeah, the Joker haha. Thanks.

[unkownusername]

Originally Posted by MarlboroChick

Their allowed to use corporal punishment at your school? Wow. I thought that was a thing of the past. How many people are in your year? Im usually a black and white thinker, but really, there have to be some people that you could like.
Is it possible to be friends with people outside your grade? I dont know much about boarding schools so sorry if its a stupid question, but if its like a traditional high school, all four years mingle some time or another. Dont be afraid to be alone. If you force relationships you can end up worse off then you were by yourself.
Yeah, the Joker haha. Thanks.

Na they don't but they did't stop it, yeah know? Outside my grade, no the year about me are all drug addicts(but some are sound) but I'm staying away from that stuff, no matter what.The year below me(no offense to them but it the truth) stink, don't shower, all that kinda stuff and their black(mostly)(I'm not racist but in my school they are, not like white's are better than black racist but if your white you hang out with the whites, if your black you hang out wit the blacks.)So I'm kinda corned to my year. The years sometimes mingle but not like hang out and talk but hang out and do drugs type thing. I do have friends outside of school but 55 days a week with no real friends starts to get to you. Any more advice will be nice thanks cause I want to sort out what I'm goin to do before school starts up again from summer

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unkownusername

Na they don't but they did't stop it, yeah know? Outside my grade, no the year about me are all drug addicts(but some are sound) but I'm staying away from that stuff, no matter what.The year below me(no offense to them but it the truth) stink, don't shower, all that kinda stuff and their black(mostly)(I'm not racist but in my school they are, not like white's are better than black racist but if your white you hang out with the whites, if your black you hang out wit the blacks.)So I'm kinda corned to my year. The years sometimes mingle but not like hang out and talk but hang out and do drugs type thing. I do have friends outside of school but 55 days a week with no real friends starts to get to you. Any more advice will be nice thanks cause I want to sort out what I'm goin to do before school starts up again from summer

Even if you board cant you get off campus for a little while? Go down to a coffee shop or something and meet people? If your not into the drug and alcohol scene (i dont really blame you, it wont help anyways), try to join groups or social activities even if its awkward at first. Unless your school is super small, there has to be a place where you 'belong'. That deeper connection you seem like you want with 'true friends' is hard to find anywhere. Instead of following a routine and going the same places every day walk around in sections of the campus where you usually dont go, see if you meet anybody. If you want to meet new people youll have to put yourself out there. Sitting on the side and hoping someone will find you wont help.

[unkownusername]

Originally Posted by MarlboroChick

Even if you board cant you get off campus for a little while? Go down to a coffee shop or something and meet people? If your not into the drug and alcohol scene (i dont really blame you, it wont help anyways), try to join groups or social activities even if its awkward at first. Unless your school is super small, there has to be a place where you 'belong'. That deeper connection you seem like you want with 'true friends' is hard to find anywhere. Instead of following a routine and going the same places every day walk around in sections of the campus where you usually dont go, see if you meet anybody. If you want to meet new people youll have to put yourself out there. Sitting on the side and hoping someone will find you wont help.

Its a small school and we are not allowed of the grounds at all unless doing a sport, which I do (rugby). Rugby is the sport that everyone in my year do and its the only one I am decent at( I'v tried all the others, the 3 others). The real friends comment was about people that won't stab you in the back, nothing like being therefor you all the time type stuff, just someone I could sit down and chat with, without them spreading whatever I had said. Here's a link(whs.ie), you should look at it and see what it's looks like and how its in the middle of no where. If you do read some stuff from the website it might show you a bit more of what I'm dealing with school wise, if you don't I won't blame you its a **** hole.

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unkownusername

Its a small school and we are not allowed of the grounds at all unless doing a sport, which I do (rugby). Rugby is the sport that everyone in my year do and its the only one I am decent at( I'v tried all the others, the 3 others). The real friends comment was about people that won't stab you in the back, nothing like being therefor you all the time type stuff, just someone I could sit down and chat with, without them spreading whatever I had said. Here's a link(whs.ie), you should look at it and see what it's looks like and how its in the middle of no where. If you do read some stuff from the website it might show you a bit more of what I'm dealing with school wise, if you don't I won't blame you its a **** hole.

Link? What link?
Yeah, ive been stabbed in the back by most people i know hahah. Its nice to have someone there for you all the time, too, though. You dont like anyone from Rugby? Whats your 'criteria' for a possible friend? Hah.

[unkownusername]

Originally Posted by MarlboroChick

Link? What link?
Yeah, ive been stabbed in the back by most people i know hahah. Its nice to have someone there for you all the time, too, though. You dont like anyone from Rugby? Whats your 'criteria' for a possible friend? Hah.

its www .whs.ie without the space chose i can't put in links yet. The people from rugby are the same people that are in my year, that board so bout 30 lads. My "criteria" for a friend, i dont really know. I'v had a few very different friends over the years so just someone I can relate to or have somethings in common with i guess and doesn't stab you in the back(as serious and as much as I have gotten from most people there).

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unkownusername

its www .whs.ie without the space chose i can't put in links yet. The people from rugby are the same people that are in my year, that board so bout 30 lads. My "criteria" for a friend, i dont really know. I'v had a few very different friends over the years so just someone I can relate to or have somethings in common with i guess and doesn't stab you in the back(as serious and as much as I have gotten from most people there).

The site won't come up on my phone, but whatever it is, it sounds like your at least OK with your situation there, so you'll have to be resourceful in terms of forming friendships. Maybe you need to try hanging out with a different kind of person? What exactly does stabbed in the back mean to you? Gossip?

[MarlboroChick]

If you want someone to talk to about ****, you can pm. I'm not sure if I can give the best advice but I can listen and relate.

[unkownusername]

Originally Posted by MarlboroChick

The site won't come up on my phone, but whatever it is, it sounds like your at least OK with your situation there, so you'll have to be resourceful in terms of forming friendships. Maybe you need to try hanging out with a different kind of person? What exactly does stabbed in the back mean to you? Gossip?

Not really gossip,usually taking what I said out of context, twisting it a bit, then telling people, like if I said naa that guy's a fag, then they would go off tell them in a twisted way and of course not get me beatings(like a setup, they still happen just not as much now). Oh and I know my situation fairly well and I accept it and all but I don't like, which is what I'm trying to sort out for myself.

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unkownusername

Not really gossip,usually taking what I said out of context, twisting it a bit, then telling people, like if I said naa that guy's a fag, then they would go off tell them in a twisted way and of course not get me beatings(like a setup, they still happen just not as much now). Oh and I know my situation fairly well and I accept it and all but I don't like, which is what I'm trying to sort out for myself.

Sounds like gossip to me maybe there's a less girly term for it.
Well. I don't see what you gain from calling people fags. I've been thrown out of schools for beating people up if they called me that.
Wait, so you don't like being at a boarding school? Maybe try quieter people. They usually gossip less.

[unkownusername]

Originally Posted by MarlboroChick

Sounds like gossip to me maybe there's a less girly term for it.
Well. I don't see what you gain from calling people fags. I've been thrown out of schools for beating people up if they called me that.
Wait, so you don't like being at a boarding school? Maybe try quieter people. They usually gossip less.

No its not gossip, they usually go straight to the person with the intent off making them pissed off at me, but whether its because we're all bored out of our minds at the school and I'm honest enough to tell people what I think of people (the lad I said was a fag(and alot more) dumped my bag in a big(cost us bout 80 euro) and had continual bullied me for that year(we did get the 80 euro back but after 1 months of searching though 5 camera's to proved that he did it(even though he had admitted it and then denied it when I told(snitched if u prefer the term))) so I think its ok to call him a fag or more) or that they just don't like me for doing that cause they lick his *** and think he's a god. I do like boarding school(sry for giving you the wrong impression) because I get away from my parents(that was part of the reason for me going to me was I could finally get away) just the people in the years around me are, lets say for a general term a bit too Irish(no offense meant, I'm Irish and I'm friends with other Irish people(probably cause I live in ireland )but their just a bit too Irish) There are day pupils that go to the school that I'm friends with but again for 1/4 of your day that your free to do what you want(lunch, break)it isn't a lot.

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unkownusername

No its not gossip, they usually go straight to the person with the intent off making them pissed off at me, but whether its because we're all bored out of our minds at the school and I'm honest enough to tell people what I think of people (the lad I said was a fag(and alot more) dumped my bag in a big(cost us bout 80 euro) and had continual bullied me for that year(we did get the 80 euro back but after 1 months of searching though 5 camera's to proved that he did it(even though he had admitted it and then denied it when I told(snitched if u prefer the term))) so I think its ok to call him a fag or more) or that they just don't like me for doing that cause they lick his *** and think he's a god. I do like boarding school(sry for giving you the wrong impression) because I get away from my parents(that was part of the reason for me going to me was I could finally get away) just the people in the years around me are, lets say for a general term a bit too Irish(no offense meant, I'm Irish and I'm friends with other Irish people(probably cause I live in ireland )but their just a bit too Irish) There are day pupils that go to the school that I'm friends with but again for 1/4 of your day that your free to do what you want(lunch, break)it isn't a lot.

Im having a pretty hard time imagining what your days are like. You seem pretty picky about who you want to be your friend. I have no idea what being 'too irish' is (dont know any people from Ireland), but id guess that their just following racial stereotypes. I thought you wanted to be more social...? Or maybe Im just taking what your saying the wrong way. But if you live in Ireland, and are Irish, and the people around you are Irish and you dont like that... I mean I guess ive never thought that someone was too American for me to like ahahah.
So 1/4 of your day you can do what you want. And you spend it with day pupils (that you like...?) and the rest of the day your studying/doing whatever your school does. Is it not enough free time or something?

[unkownusername]

Originally Posted by MarlboroChick

Im having a pretty hard time imagining what your days are like. You seem pretty picky about who you want to be your friend. I have no idea what being 'too irish' is (dont know any people from Ireland), but id guess that their just following racial stereotypes. I thought you wanted to be more social...? Or maybe Im just taking what your saying the wrong way. But if you live in Ireland, and are Irish, and the people around you are Irish and you dont like that... I mean I guess ive never thought that someone was too American for me to like ahahah.
So 1/4 of your day you can do what you want. And you spend it with day pupils (that you like...?) and the rest of the day your studying/doing whatever your school does. Is it not enough free time or something?

1/4 of my day is free time(which I dont mind, trust me if you had any more I wouldn't blame them for pissing me off all the time cause its probably fun)but what i meant to say was a 1/4 of that I hang round day pupils(that I like, I don't know why they are more like they people I hang round with at home but they are). What I mean by being "too irish" is that a most bit of irish people are kinda racist(so these are just plain racist) and with my background thats kinda **** for me( I'v lived in 4 countries in under 6 years and then another 2 (Ireland and Northern Ireland)). Sadly there are traits that irish have that piss me off a bit but most of my friends at home (though they still have these traits) have most of them in a way they that they joke around with them, but at school they take most of these traits for really.

This is bout getting more social (and I've read my messages back and realized I have gone of my original points completely, like why I created this thread). I guess in the short an sweet, I'm thinking is it the fact that I'm not very social at school, so I just don't know them well enough or is it that my current impressions of them are right. I should say that I have had a group of friends at the school for the first year and most of second year but one by one (there were 3 other than me) they left the school and because I hung round in that group I didn't talk a lot with people in the other groups, I was left alone really. So really I kinda have to learn really of to make friends with these types of people or just stick it out for the last 4 years.(trhanksfor kicking me back onto my original point)

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unkownusername

1/4 of my day is free time(which I dont mind, trust me if you had any more I wouldn't blame them for pissing me off all the time cause its probably fun)but what i meant to say was a 1/4 of that I hang round day pupils(that I like, I don't know why they are more like they people I hang round with at home but they are). What I mean by being "too irish" is that a most bit of irish people are kinda racist(so these are just plain racist) and with my background thats kinda **** for me( I'v lived in 4 countries in under 6 years and then another 2 (Ireland and Northern Ireland)). Sadly there are traits that irish have that piss me off a bit but most of my friends at home (though they still have these traits) have most of them in a way they that they joke around with them, but at school they take most of these traits for really.

This is bout getting more social (and I've read my messages back and realized I have gone of my original points completely, like why I created this thread). I guess in the short an sweet, I'm thinking is it the fact that I'm not very social at school, so I just don't know them well enough or is it that my current impressions of them are right. I should say that I have had a group of friends at the school for the first year and most of second year but one by one (there were 3 other than me) they left the school and because I hung round in that group I didn't talk a lot with people in the other groups, I was left alone really. So really I kinda have to learn really of to make friends with these types of people or just stick it out for the last 4 years.(trhanksfor kicking me back onto my original point)

Where do you go/ what do you do on campus? If you want to meet different kinds of people you should start trying to identify 'groups' of people, what they're like in general, and find a group that you'd like to be a part of. You'll have to branch out to meet new people, even if its hard for you.