Self Esteen and Relationships

I used the technique of journaling to discover any unconcious attachments or beliefs (untruths) that I hold about myself and how I operate in the world. It is quite an emotionally charged area so here goes..........

It was on the topic of being alone/attached to a significant other I disovered it was a fear of the unknown that really scared me and dissapointment and possibly insecurity. I associated these words with my core. They formed up my personal beliefs hesitant, unworthy and unloveable

When I look back upon this and try to see how I operate today with relationship matters. I have noticed that I will not even attempt to try to get to know another person say if they are interested in me. In other words it's come to a point where I don't even try. For example my thoughts would run along the lines of why is she looking at me?

But the main problem to me seems to be that I think I may really like someone that is not available. I just cannot seem to accept that she has moved on with her life and is happy with someone else. I think she was intially interested in me for quite a long time but seems to have given up hope as I never tried.

A while ago I saw her walking down the street and she smiled at me and for some reason (to which I still don't know) I rolled my eyes and it kind of upset her. This sort of thing gives me a belief that she may still be interested in me after all this time (just the timing hasn't been right).

Maybe I need to work out my issues first before I go on to find a suitable partner. What are your opinions on this unusual situation (in other words what should I do)

When you have discovered helpfull insights about yourself how do you go about making a change in your life? So that these untruths can finally be removed.

Any help, suggestions would be greatly appreciated

I have run into the self esteem issue many of times ... I have posted this before but I will share how I have recently been able to change behaviors in my life

I focus on the issue at hand and think about the positive side of it -- I profess the positive words in the issue and consume them.. If i believe in the words that will start to change how I think and then my behaviors / actions / character will soon follow ...

This formula has been working for me ... I don't find myself as angry / jealous / scared / lonely as I was a month ago

Hope this helps

Tymber

I think that if you are able to work things out outside of a relationship it gives you more independence. If you are with someone it's too easy for them to be your crutch, which is all good and well while it's still moonshine and roses, but as soon as the relationship ends you are back at square one.

I think I have the same problem as you..
I don't make any effort with any guy.. I don't even know why. I had a boyfriend {who had to ask me out everyday for like 2 weeks, until I finally said yes} and I didn't try at all. I never called him or told him I liked him or anything.. I did like him a lot but i didn't show it.
He later moved away and now he has a child.. which pretty much ruins any chance that we could've had.
He looked me up and found a way to contact me a while after he moved away, but I didn't show much interest, even though I was so happy to hear from him.
I think he moved on and forgot about me because I never seemed to care..
And about your question.. I don't really know what to say. I am in the same situation. I finally figured out those helpful insights about myself, but I don't know how to change them.
I'm scared of being alone but also attached to someone.. it's a weird feeling.
I dont even date. It's hard but I think the best thing to do would be to just take a chance, as hard as it is..
Hope things work out..