[RMDL75]

Hello everyone.
I'm very new to this site, but I was wanting to see if I couldn't get some advice from you guys for my situation.

I have been dating this very nice girl for little over 10 months now, and I have to say, considering how "slow" we've planned on taking our relationship from the beginning, we've done so much together. I love her dearly, and she appears to feel the same for me.
She's a High School Teacher, a Dance Line Coach for a Middle School, and just an all round loving woman.
I feel that we are open enough to eachother to talk about just about anything, and she seems very understanding and supportive, but there's just one thing about me, that I just can't work up the nerve to talk to her about, that has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember...
I am considered a "DL." A Diaper Lover...
I do not regress to acting like an infant. I do not "use" diapers for their intended reasons.
It's more of a comfort and fetish...

I grew up in a loving home, both parents are still together. I began my life as a military brat, my dad was in the Air Force.
I grew up in a non-abusive but very well disciplined surrounding.

As an adult, I work on airplanes, I have a project car I have been working on, I love working with tools, I love the outdoors.
I would like to believe I'm a bit of a "Man's man."
So that's pretty much the outlook my girlfriend has of me... I appear to be a normal guy with guy-type hobbies, but I still have a soft side. I'm gentle with her. I tell her how beautiful she is, I get somewhat emotional when I speak about her and to her from the heart.
She's my baby, and I let her know that.
I've been wanting to tell her about my "DL" side since the day we first met, but I get so scared of loosing her, I cant work up the nerve.

I mean... How do you tell someone who appears to be as normal as they get that the guy she has been dating for 10 months has a Diaper Fetish, and enjoys wearing for the comfort??

The last two girls I've dated that I've told left me soon afterwards.
One girl I dated for 6 years, completely lost all respect, love, feelings for me the moment I opened up to her...
the other girl seemed supportive, and even participated sexually on occasions. Even encouraged me to wear, thought I "needed" to wear because I did sleep better. She was really cool about it, but then right out of the blue, she lost all interest, and left me quicker than I was ready...
Now I have this mental anguish and fear that my desire/fetish, that wont seem to go away, will doom any relationship I ever have if I choose to open up about it.

I don't know what it is about adult diapers that I enjoy so much... I am not a child person... to be honest, I'm not a fan of kids.
I have so much hate and ill-will towards those who are pedophiles...
I just enjoy the look, feel, noise, and the somewhat feeling of ease I get when I wear.
It seems to be a good coping device for stress, helping me feel relaxed. I sleep better when I wear a diaper, too.
I do get turned on my diapers. I've been curious about having sexual experiences with a girl willing to participate, but I feel so alone in my interest.

Yes, I'm aware of Diaper Lover Communities online, and I've have had conversations within those communities, but I even feel out of place there, because it seems that to have such a fetish, you have to be all or nothing...
I feel awkward even thinking of acting like a baby... I find that to be an uncomfortable idea. I find it pretty gross to "use" the diapers... I would much rather just got to the bathroom like an adult.

To me, an adult diaper is nothing more than a somewhat sexual stimulant that is far more comfortable than any other type of underwear. A means of relaxing.

Am I screwed up in the head? Should I keep this to myself and seek counseling? Do I just risk my beautiful relationship, and just tell her, and if so, who could I tell her without dropping such a heavy load on her?

[RomanSunburn]

Hello! Welcome to PsychCentral!

Unfortunately, I know very little about your fetish and honestly can't tell you what I would do in you or your girlfriend's position.

I was wondering, though, if this fetish has to do with the desire to be taken care of? You say your outward image is of a "man's man," and I think that comes with a lot of responsibility. I guess when I think of a man's man, it's a take charge type of guy, quick with decisions, strong, able to take care of yourself, your partner, your best friend, the poor and the hungry, everyone.

Ignorance has a lot to do with fear, and I wonder if you could explain why it appeals to you if it would become less intimidating for your partner? It sounds like you're not very comfortable with it yourself, and I wonder if your partners are picking up on that and it makes them uncomfortable also? It also sounds like you're not exactly secure with your identity, like you see yourself as two separate people. You might find it useful to talk to a counselor about that and build some self esteem about who you are.

I'm sorry I can't be of much help. I hope you can find the answer that is right for you and that things will work out and lead to your happiness. And again, welcome to PC!

[RMDL75]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

Hello! Welcome to PsychCentral!

Unfortunately, I know very little about your fetish and honestly can't tell you what I would do in you or your girlfriend's position.

I was wondering, though, if this fetish has to do with the desire to be taken care of? You say your outward image is of a "man's man," and I think that comes with a lot of responsibility. I guess when I think of a man's man, it's a take charge type of guy, quick with decisions, strong, able to take care of yourself, your partner, your best friend, the poor and the hungry, everyone.

Ignorance has a lot to do with fear, and I wonder if you could explain why it appeals to you if it would become less intimidating for your partner? It sounds like you're not very comfortable with it yourself, and I wonder if your partners are picking up on that and it makes them uncomfortable also? It also sounds like you're not exactly secure with your identity, like you see yourself as two separate people. You might find it useful to talk to a counselor about that and build some self esteem about who you are.

I'm sorry I can't be of much help. I hope you can find the answer that is right for you and that things will work out and lead to your happiness. And again, welcome to PC!

Thanks for the reply!
Well, you see, I don't believe that I want to be taken care of, to be honest.
I've always enjoyed the feeling of being in control (but I am not a control freak), and being a care taker, so to speak.
The moment I see my girlfriend upset about anything, or just having a rough time dealing with work or whatever, I always feel the need to comfort her in someway, sometimes feeling somewhat guilty if I can't help her with problems that may come up.
Honestly, I can't explain the reasons for my fetish... I believe my up bringing was fairly equal in regards to love, family involvement, friendships, mother/son bonding, father/son bonding... As a child I don't believe I was deprived a curtain need that could result in this... It's literally like I have always been programmed to want to wear.
I thought that maybe I was forced into potty-training at to young an age, but I don't think that would have anything to do with it because my attachment is only with the diapers themselves... I don't feel the desire to... "use" them... Which I'm glad for that... lol

You're right that I'm not to comfortable with my fetish... It's like I'm sane enough to know it's weird and very taboo, but the fact that I can't shake the desires, it just drives me crazy sometimes... If it was truly up to me, I wouldn't WANT to wear, but it's hardwired...
A part of me feels I should just accept it for what it is... It's just a part of me, and I truly enjoy it.
I tell myself all the time that it's hurting no one, and that there is no harm in it. But my past relationships have proven otherwise... Both say the diapers were the real reasons for leaving me, but I can't help but believe it was.
With that in mind, I just can't take the rejection for a 3rd time...

It's embarrassing to have to admit that at 29 years old with no physical or major mental disorders, I like to wear diapers, and I get sexually turn on by them... I find it somewhat pathetic...
... but I have society to blame for that... not myself...
I would be more than ok with this if so many people didn't relate it to mental illnesses, being a pedophile, or they just find it plan disgusting.
Having the only two people I ever told in person about this basically disappear soon afterwards don't help matters either...

I have thought about counseling off and on throughout my early adulthood, but I'm not convinced that I will get good results...
I would more than likely be recommended to see a psychologist, to which I'm to to explain to him that I fought with my dad from time to time, despite the fact that he's like my best friend, and he's going to say that's the cause... I'll have some "daddy issues" and he'll recommend anti-depressants or something... lol
I over analyze everything... My biggest problem is, I expect the worst outcome in every situation... I understand that's a big problem.

[RomanSunburn]

Hah, if that were true, about fighting with your dad being the root of all this, we'd all be wearing diapers. I wasn't suggesting that you go to a T specifically to talk about your fetish, though, but to talk about your whole identity and learning to be comfortable with not only it, but who you are as a person. You can also be very firm about not wanting to be on medications, and since you're not hurting anyone, they have to respect that.

My thinking along the lines of being taken care of versus taking care of everyone else.. well, it can get exhausting! Trying to take care of everyone and their brother and solving all the problems in the whole world. Maybe it's just a subconscious breather, a moment to relax, and not feel pressured, by yourself or anyone else, to take care of everyone. Almost like a safe spot to be yourself or a security blanket of sorts? This is clearly just a guess on my part, and since I don't really know you, I could be way off base, especially since you yourself don't think that that's what it is.

I really wish I had better advice. I'm sorry I can't be more help. I don't know if you noticed, but we have a forum dealing with sexual issues (I can't remember the exact name... Something to do with sex and gender...). You could try talking about it there; you might have better luck.

[RMDL75]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

My thinking along the lines of being taken care of versus taking care of everyone else.. well, it can get exhausting! Trying to take care of everyone and their brother and solving all the problems in the whole world. Maybe it's just a subconscious breather, a moment to relax, and not feel pressured, by yourself or anyone else, to take care of everyone. Almost like a safe spot to be yourself or a security blanket of sorts? This is clearly just a guess on my part, and since I don't really know you, I could be way off base, especially since you yourself don't think that that's what it is.

Hmm... I've never really looked at it like that... I mean, yeah I've always kind of related diapers as a bit of a security blanket, but I never really made the conscious thought of it being a bit of a way of taking care and comforting myself...
I might check out the other subforum you recommended at a later time... I'll be working the next few days, so I'll jut have enough time to make replies here if this goes any farther...

Didn't think of making a subject just on my fetish alone... I do realize I need to cope better and understand my desires a bit more, but I was more concerned about whether or not it's wise to tell my girlfriend, with the idea that I wont break this anytime soon, if at all... LOL
Thanks for being as supportive and helpful as you have. It's nice to talk to someone with no understanding of my fetish without them making me feel 2 inches tall...

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by RMDL75

If it was truly up to me, I wouldn't WANT to wear, but it's hardwired...
A part of me feels I should just accept it for what it is... It's just a part of me, and I truly enjoy it.
I tell myself all the time that it's hurting no one, and that there is no harm in it.

Exactly. It's your thing. I think you should accept yourself. It is harmless. We all have weird things about ourselves, if we admit it, I think.

However, many people have no interest in fetishes. (eg, myself.) Even though I think of myself as openminded and that I would be able to accept my partner's weird hardwired thing, doesn't mean it is the first thing I want to hear about, or something to casually hear about. I've known several people into fetishes that seem to enjoy telling people about it for shock value, or I don't know why. So hearing about one more from someone is a mega turnoff. Just saying your partner may have had the same experience as me.

I'd say take your time, be cautious and safe, finding out what your partner thinks about fetishes in general first. The nice thing is it seems you just want to be accepted. You don't want to insist your partner get as into it as you are. So, really, there's no rush, right? Total intimacy takes time, years, and some people are never going to be ready for it. Tread lightly.

[RMDL75]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

Exactly. It's your thing. I think you should accept yourself. It is harmless. We all have weird things about ourselves, if we admit it, I think.

However, many people have no interest in fetishes. (eg, myself.) Even though I think of myself as openminded and that I would be able to accept my partner's weird hardwired thing, doesn't mean it is the first thing I want to hear about, or something to casually hear about. I've known several people into fetishes that seem to enjoy telling people about it for shock value, or I don't know why. So hearing about one more from someone is a mega turnoff. Just saying your partner may have had the same experience as me.

I'd say take your time, be cautious and safe, finding out what your partner thinks about fetishes in general first. The nice thing is it seems you just want to be accepted. You don't want to insist your partner get as into it as you are. So, really, there's no rush, right? Total intimacy takes time, years, and some people are never going to be ready for it. Tread lightly.

I totally understand where you're coming from.
I agree that I should give it more time... As much as we talk, even about sex, the subject of fetishes in general has never been brought up... Not even in conversations of hear-say... Thanks for the heads-up.