Need help

Hi there. i am not sure how to go about this. I am not one that talks easely about feelings. I have been married 2 and a half years with a wonderful woman. There is no fights or any issues that I can think about and I do love her alot. My problem is I have known a lady for a couple of years and we have been very good friends. Nothing has happend between us except we can talk and I trust her alot. It has come out that we are attrackted to one another. For the first time I find myself in love like a school kid. I can not stop thinking about her. If I do not hear from her I am sad and depressed if i see her i get butterflies.
I really dont know what to do about this.
How do i get myself to get back to the friends only fellings?

I probably don't have to tell you that you are playing with fire. If you love your wife, you need to stop contact with this lady. It will not be easy but you will have to use what I call thought stopping. It consists of say stop everytime your mind goes down that path. I doubt you will be able to return to friends only at least for a while. I have but it is not easy and can take years. I have been through this. I totally understand where you are with your feelings. I didn't follow my own advice and lost my first marriage or 24 years. Unless you want to lose you marriage you need to stop it now. Good luck to you.

You need to stay away from this woman...if you love your wife, stay away from this friend of yours. I don't know if you could ever go back to just being friends. There will always be a little something in the back of your mind. I have been married for 14 years and have developed feelings like this for other ppl - I become obsessed with ppl that are nice to me

Have no doubt, if you act on these feelings it WILL change you and your marriage forever and by the sounds of it, you love your wife and want to stay with her so pls don't play with fire - You WILL get burnt

Yes, don't associate with this woman anymore if you want to keep your marriage. i have been married for 18 years now, had a spell of someone else liking me alot but i had to stay away in the end, there was never anything going on but we liked each other. I guess it was just the fact that someone else liked me, everyone likes to be noticed, but you should stay away from them because it as someone else said here you are playing with fire.

If you find the answer, let me know. I'm in the same situation. I've been friends with this guy for a couple of years. We are the heads of a volunteer organization so we work closely together and have shared experiences and frustrations. We share rides a lot so we talk and, like your situation, discovered that we were also both attracted to each other. We have taken it a step further than you and your friend though and I have tried to stop multiple times. I finally told him last weekend that we had to stop. He supports me and wants to stay friends. It's been 2 days and it's so hard to only talk about our volunteer work. He knows more about me than anyone else and he's been my go to person for when I have my melt downs. I don't want to lose our friendship. I don't think it's possible to not have the feelings that I have for him. Right now I'm concentrating on making myself stronger and not having to rely on him. Good luck.

Thanks everyone for your replies. fonglai I was thinking that im the only one that was in this situation. Yes this lady is my go to person if im down. My problem is that I never share what I feel. I have been burned to many times and for the first time in years i am opening up again. Someone mentioned that I sould tel myself to stop everytime I think of her but then I will be telling myself to stop the whole time. yes I do love my wife and she is a great wonderfull person. How do I go about stopping what I feel. If what i was feeling was only for a week or two by all means then it was a silly crush but i have been feeling like this for a long time and i dont know how to stop it.

been there...At one point in my life suddenly felt happy to see man other then my husband,felt "click" with him,(mutual). It felt so good to have his attention and company,to be able to talk,his availability was addictive(something you don't have in many marriages).I knew it was wrong:I have a family,he had a family, families knew each other...That was hard,I fought hard with my feelings,I knew I had obligations as a wife and a mother,and no matter how much he implied that he needs me,he is not happy (and finally he divorced) , I could not allow myself to let him know how deep I feel for. As a matter of fact ,in spite of having 2 kids,for the first time in my life i wanted ,really wanted to have HIS child.That scared me,showed me how much I loved him. My relationship with my husband was/is rocky, ...But as I said I had obligations.So I let him go, I pretended he does not matter.It took me 7 years to get over him. Still miss him.But I am convinced that I made a right choice,otherwise I would not be able to live with guilt. So ,IF you love your wife,reconnect with her,try to understand is your friend is desirable because she is available and forbidden? if so make a right choice,your wife's love will help you to cope. Good luck.
Life is a choice,so is happiness I suppose,and we are the ones who can make a choice.
sincerely
wife22

I'm not trying to be mean, but in these situations, I always wonder... Why isn't the spouse your go-to person? What about this other person makes you trust them more than the person you vowed to spend the rest of your life with? I'm honestly just curious...

If you want to make things work with your wife, then I agree, you need to cut contact this other woman. At the same time, I think you need to work on your relationship with your wife to try to find what was missing. It might be helpful to work with a couple's counselor to maybe build trust and communication skills.

Well you have cheated your wife, emotionally. Hopefully you won't take it any further.

My husband isn't my go to because I've tried that and he doesn't know what to do and even gets defensive. I talk to my friend because I know he cares about me, but there's no real strings attached.

Diesel, I'm weaning myself off of him. I still talk to him, but I talk less about non volunteer work related stuff and less frequently. It's difficult. I breakdown every once in awhile, I did last night, and feel stupid afterwards. I'm working in being a stronger person and not needing to talk to him, but it's going to take awhile. I wish I could just quit the volunteer work, but the work is one of the few things that makes me happy.

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I was deeply involved with another man for many years. He was my go to person because I thought my H was unsympathetic. He moved away with little warning and I was destroyed partly because I thought I would now have nobody to talk to. I turned to my H and he came through. Now we have a stronger relationship than we ever had and I find I don't even think about the other man. Believe me when I say we were involved for a long time too. Give your spouse a chance.

hi
it is said life and happiness is about choices we make. I have been there,felt that. I was married for 4 years, had 2 kids ,when I felt friendly attraction to a man other then my H,. True, my marriage was not easy ,I did feel lonely and criticized most of time,not loved,but what attracted me was this man's availability,attention to me.In spite of his multiple attempts to get close to me I could not allow that:we both had family/kids,we knew each others family,and it was wrong, He got divorced eventually,but I could not betray my family. The hardest point was, when I found myself wishing to have His kid,for the first time in my life (I love/adore my kids,but I have never been given option : I want to have kids now or later?,that was something I was supposed to do,like many other things in my marriage) That is when I realized that I really love him.My husband was and is the only man in my life.I had obligations to him and my family,no matter how much I wanted to be with other person.Would I be happy if I left my husband for him? I think guilt would have override the rest of emotions. I made my choice. I pretended not to have any feelings for him,I know I hurt him,we never touched each other, we never spend time alone without colleagues around,...It took me 7 years to get over the fact that i wanted to share my mundane with him .Having H distancing me and not eager to share did not help,so I am lonely,still craving for touch ,acceptance...despite been married for 16 years.That was hard decision,but after all these years and pain and loneliness I still think I made a right decision not to allow myself to get sucked in sharing with man other then H.
So ,to make it short,If you want to keep your wife whom you claim you love,be loyal to her,let her love save you,talk to her.I am sure she will be happy to work on happiness
Good luck,it is not easy,but
Choices we make built our future
regards
wife22