I’m learning not to care too much what people think.

It’s always been a problem of mine.
Probably because I’m too nice.
People have told me as much, and several online quizzes have said as much as well.
I also used to be a real people pleaser.
That’s probably why I’ve been burned so many times.
I was a bit of a doormat in past relationships.
Even the semi good ones, on multiple occasions past boyfriends have called me their ‘angel.’
Maybe that was a form of sweet talk they liked to say, but I’ve also been told by multiple customers at my job that I have, “Patience of an angel.”
Hmm, so maybe I’m not meant for this world?
It would make sense, it seems a lot of people take my kindness for weakness, and often see my humility and empathetic, caring nature as being phony.
It’s not.
I’m learning not to care so much.
Like I was coming back from working out, no makeup- saw this guy that’s friendly to me and I think likes me and he was polite, but looked like he was taken aback by my face.
I have acne. I used to take this strong drug for it and had clear skin, but it started to mess with my equilibrium and I went off it about a year ago- (Spironolactone), I’ve read some people never get over their equilibrium imbalance as a result. I, for the most part have recovered, but it still bothers me from tie to tome (at one point I thought I had Meneires disorder) So now I’m battling with acne all over again, and used to wear makeup to the gym to hide it, but I don’t that’s really good so I stopped.
I have this new regime I’m doing, along with this special avocado mask I do everyday that seems to be working thus far.
And not smoking helps too.
I’m tired of worrying what others think.
If that makes me a *****, then so be it.

You sound like a really nice person but sometimes nice people get hurt. I think that we, since I used to be really nice,too and for the most part still am, aren't prepared for people that aren't as sensitive and we get hurt more easly. Are maybe the other people were nice before they were hurt many times.
Don't lose you sweetest just because of a few ****heads.
Just be yourself but maybe a little more cautious.
I haven't been and have many hurts for my many years.
But I will survive somehow.
Good for you for not smoking. I gave it up years ago. Watched my mother die from the damage it did to her.
Don't worry about what others think and that doesn't make you bad just self confident.

I think it's rather silly to be put off just over acne. I never let that stop me, and no I'm no saint. I did prefer the girl to be pretty and not obese, but acne was not a show stopper for me. I guess I can relate because I grew up with a scare on my throat, I had tracheotomy as a child. I use to wear t-shirts backwards in the summer and turtle necks in the winter. Finally I stopped caring. I noticed some people were focused on my scare, I just stopped caring because I could also spot imperfections on almost any one. You just get tired of it being a big deal. Glad you see how silly it really is.

Well, yes, acne is just one part of it that has come to the forefront in recent months, but the while caring too much what others think of me goes beyond that- but I guess I'm using this as a jumping off point- if I can not worry about peoples thoughts about my appearance, then I can also learn to not worry about differing opinions and views of religion, politics and life in general and so forth.

Hey AngstyLady,

When you learn not to care please teach me, it is a big add on to my depression. I can relate completely... The being to nice, the people pleaser. I've been the "good child" "too innocent" "boring" even. I just don't find what most people find enjoyable and because im calm I'm "too relaxed" but if they only knew. I don't have acne but i waa born without my right hand, dating, social life, confidence its all been a struggle for me. But i would never change my "niceness" despite my insecurities I refuse to ever be damaged enough to be unkind, because i know the effects of the outcome. Don't change the good about you, own it. Yoy already seem like an awesome person to me.

I'm also having trouble with not caring about what others think right now. But I guess my situation is a little different. Since breaking it off with my ex and friends who talk about us, I'm trying to block it all out. It hurts, and I just feel like I want to be alone, but at the same time I don't want my friends to think that I don't appreciate all that they've done to help me move on. They have helped, but sometimes I just don't want to care about other people for the time being and just wanna be with myself...and the loneliness kills, but at least I'll be alive and i'll be myself.

Perhaps you should think about what you think of yourself.

I often find that when I stop caring, I end up disgusted with myself and I become extremely self-destructive. But people are different and hopefully you don't lose yourself like I do ^^;

As for the acne, you could try avoiding foods that are known to give people acne. There's also the magic of concealer and foundation but I suspect that nobody in the gym finds a sweaty cakey face attractive.

The point is that you should care about YOU

I can really relate to what you're saying. There have been many times in my life where I have been constantly focused on what other people think of me to a point where it was ridiculous. Like always wanting to wear make-up and look nice so people will like me and then later worrying people might think that I was vain, shallow and high maintenance by always dressing really nice and wearing makeup. I'm laughing right now because that was so silly.

I'm finally starting to not care what other people think of me...to a certain degree. I definitely still want to be nice to everyone and be considered a good person but when I worry that sometimes I do let other people treat me like a doormat. I'm trying to be assertive and express my feelings. I've been thinking lately that maybe they key is to not care what other people think about you but worry how other people feel about your actions. That kind of keeps my thinking in perspective.

I do find it weird that a guy would be put off because he saw you without makeup and you had acne. There's lots of decent guys out there with realistic beauty standards.

Always considered the fact that 1/3 of people will connect with you to some degree, 1/3 will not in any way and 1/3 will hate you. So why worry about pleasing the latter two categories of people? We often can have a great day and then someone says something critical and all the good feelings acquired evaporate. The challenge is to just focus on those people in life that really matter, no others.

Hi AngstyLady
seems to me you are mixing a couple of things up.
Being an angel is perfect, delightful, I go to Heaven every time somebody says that to me.
But being a people pleaser it's very different.
If you are an Angel, means that they appreciate your kindness and what you have done for them.
But if whatever you do is meant to solicit this remark, you should feel empty in the end, as if the effort drained you.
On the other hand, if you are a real Angel, living out your angelic kindness shouldn't drain you from energies, because it was what you wanted to do when you wanted to do it.
Did I succeed in pointing out the difference?

Angels are meant for this world. The only thing is that we mustn't throw pearls before swine, if you are familiar with this expression. We cannot be Angels for everyone and with everyone, because a lot of people do not want Angels and do not understand them. This means you should decide whether, when and with whom you're gonna be your angelic self.
You must make decisions.

If you want to please everyone, then yes, you are a people pleaser.
It generally comes from low self-esteem: you hope to take from others the esteem and love you don't have for yourself.
But this you can learn. There are plenty of opportunities to learn how to love yourself.
And it's a delightful thing to learn. I talk from direct experience

As for the acne, I agree that it's basically your body reaction to wrong nutrition. Please avoid all ready food, take the time to cook for yourself, even simple dishes, but you'll know what's in it and you can evaluate to which foods your body reacts in the desired way.

It is hard to live as a people pleaser, because then you never feel good enough for anyone in any sense. It's very easy to get burned out from that. I know I have. I've never been in a relationship because I don't feel that I'm good enough for anyone (that, and because I'm paranoid). Life would be so much easier and better if we just didn't care too much what people think. Definitely keep working towards that; you'll be much better off.

(this is in response to BonnieG2010) I'm not a people pleaser as much anymore, but maybe I never was- so much as I maybe tried too hard to always get along with people and be everyone's friend. As for when people have called me an angel or said I have 'the patience of an angel' I'm often surprised because it's usually during a time I don't find too trying at all. I think people really have little patience these days. It take a lot to upset me.

I can relate so much. I come from a long line of people pleasers although not as extreme as my mother is.
Not caring about what people think is so hard. I too was always told that I was sweet and nice, but because I am also very shy and submissive and quiet I have been gotten taken advantage of alot and had my feelings hurt alot.
I cant remember who said it on this thread already (typing on my phone so what I see is limited) but I think they were right in saying that because we have such a kind nature we tend to have our feelings hurt more often because we want to believe that other people can be just as nice, kind and honest as us, but then we end up being kicked in the face by the way they really are. I have an acquaintance that keeps telling me not to be fooled by the praises this certain group of people because they would be just as quick to break you down, which they have and did hurt.

Once you learn to love yourself I think the not caring part should come fairly easily. I encourage you full-heartedly though and hope you can find what you are looking for

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