[shape25]

I'm new here and am looking for any advice or help. I have no one talk to in real life. My husband and I have been married 10 years, we have 3 small kids. Our marriage is horrible. I suffer from anxiety and depression and am on meds which help me. I am at a turning point and have no idea what to do. I have seen a counselor for the past few months and it's not helping. He will not go. Main issues are-
- We are stressed out parents dealing with 3 young kids, no family help or rarely helps.
-Major financial issues; he will not deal with the money. He will not pay bills or take any initiative even after I have asked. My gracious grandmother has supported us financially the past few years.
-He yells/loses his temper a lot with the kids. I am not a yeller and it bothers me when this happens.
-On the weekends, he acts miserable like he doesn't want to be around us. He seems happier when he is at work.
- He will not communicate with me about the issues. He says he's not buying into my negativity when I tell him how miserable I am. He did tell me I need to change my meds. He often puts everything back on me.
I feel like all of this just makes my depression even worst. I often think about leaving, how could I leave with 3 kids and what would it do to them. I have no help and support from friends or family. I only work part-time. I feel like I'm living in pure Hell!
Thanks for listening to me..

hmmm...

Okay, positives - WELCOME. Sounds like you are dealing with quite a lot, and you seem to be doing pretty well (all things considered).

Negatives - Sounds like hubby has some serious issues. Not qualified to say exactly what they all are. My *guess* (which is worth not much) is that he is frustrated that his lot in life has turned out less than what he expected and rather than use it to motivate himself - he is taking it out on you and the kids. That is wrong (obviously).

I hope you and your hubby can work through these things, but both of you have to be willing to WORK on it for it to work. I hope that I am wrong - but it sounds like he does not really want it to work. So he is making it impossible for it to work with the subconscious goal that you will end the marriage (so he can "blame you" for quitting, when in fact - reality is quite different).

Sincerely - best wishes to you. I hope things work out. BUT - if they do not.... do not be too afraid. I promise you that a young lady, with a pretty smile is attractive to many men. And the kids can be a plus as well. If your hubby can not see the gift he has been given - I promise you that there are other good men who would cherish that gift.

[wife22]

Welcome Shape
I am sorry you are feeling low and helpless .it is very hard to live and be in the relationship where only one Side is trying to adjust.has he seen a regular physician?maybe he needs antidepressant ,some man just don't want to own a fact of being depressed ,they become withdrawn ,irrational and protective of their self,especially if they had predisposing macho attitude .you did say your grandma helped you financially and you are working .it there any way you and kids can stay with her for some time and tell your husband that it is a turning point,if he starts working on the relationship ,respecting you and maybe seeks help himself and attends counseling with you ,then you have a chance to save a family
I wish you best

[Angel of Bedlam]

Welcome! This website is extremely helpful to me and I hope you will find it the same. To start, I am so sorry for what you're going through. I can only imagine the stress of a strained marriage and dealing with 3 little ones. I feel that the issues you are facing are ones in which BOTH of you have.to participate in fixing. I am not sure of how you both can work it, but you have to find a way.

Maybe writing him a letter would be helpful. It would give you a chance to express your feelings to him without conflict and the ability for him to interject. Try stating your feelings in the.following way: I think _______. I feel ______. And I want ______. That can be very helpful and give you a way to organize your thoughts and state what you want and need without attacking. "I" statements are very helpful in that.

I hope you're able to overcome this and wish you the best.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

[traysea101]

Hello

You say that you've been married for 10 years and I am assuming that during this time, it hasn't always been a bed of roses? I mean, you say that you have 3 small kids, right?

You are married to a MAN who doesn't pay the bills, yells at your kids, etc..?

You really need to ask yourself, will this ever change? Most likely, not. Especially when you are dealing with a man who really isn't a man, or a father. You should not stay in an abusive relationship while your children see this.

Maybe take a break from him, and I mean a break. You have to be firm, make the plans in advance on what or where you can go, and make him see he needs to make the changes, not you. Any man that makes up excuses that does not take care of his own family, is not worth getting verbally abused by. And especially to the kids, they will, if they haven't already, act out whether it be in school, with their own sibblilings, etc. Children learn from watching, not from listening.

You must be strong. ANd you must figure this out methodically and not irrationally. Since you don't have the income to support youself, you must see what your options are. Child support, living w grandmother, or friend, or look around to see how much a rental is. When there is a will, there will be a way, You just have to look in the mirror for both you and your children, or else you will definately lose more self esteem, since it sounds like that's what he's taking from you already.

Collect yourself, and make a positive change. If you can't find another place, there are women's groups, shelters, etc... that can give you advice and or help. Good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Be Strong.