[Iamwho]

I have been thinking about going back to being a Hermit. Relationships are making me uncomfortable and paranoid. Most of them are good people, but my thinking about mine and their behaviors bugs me.

[manwithnofriends]

sure, no one's stopping you.

@Iamwho: Did you want feedback on this? I get this whole thing where [apparently?] I am hypercritical of how I treat the people I have relationships with and care about.

That is to say, pretty much 95% of the people I engage with on a more intimate basis say I need to cut myself some slack and try to be human sometimes. Which means sometimes complaining, being cranky, not being perfect, not being totally hypervigilant 100% of the time to everyone's needs- because no one is psychic.

I pursue the idea that I can always be a better person, but when it comes to how I treat people and interact with them, sometimes that thought actually overrides any appreciation for what I do and why my loved ones love me NOW.

I don't know if any of this addresses any of your concerns, as you weren't specific, but maybe something in there is relevant...

I do understand being overwhelmed by social participation- it's a lot of work for me personally.

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

sure, no one's stopping you.

ha.

[VxVx]

I can get like this from time to time also, feeling a bit like that today - things happen, and I just think wouldn't I be better off completely my own? But I have had good times with friends as well, I guess you just have to take the good with the bad.

[Iamwho]

Finally, I am able to return here. Josiethegirl, I am glad you have such good intimate friends. How I feel and what I think are hard for me to explain. Sometimes it seems a friend will have an annoyed, worried or worn out look on their face, when I'm with them. I have talked too much over the phone, but it is hard to tell if they don't say anything about it. Once, a like a son friend, told my husband I was too boastful about a big fish I caught.

I have started to ask friends to let me know when I get to be too much. In-laws are more vocal, to me, about my eccentricities.

It is all together too burdensome for me. I don't want to think some much about it. I think I need to reign myself in and not have communication and interaction with too many people. With the holidays coming, family demands can become overwhelming too. After being reclusive for over 5yrs, I am not sure I am ready to travel and see everyone.

Any thoughts or ideas on how I can handle all this would be appreciated. Dealing with my husband's health issues and my own, long neglected and new health problems is stressful enough. Then there are the life dramas of car and home repairs and appliance break downs. Oh, don't forget the adult step kids and grand, and their money, love and job dramas.

Calgon take me away.

[Sunluvr]

I seem to be different than the other "posters".
I am not a recluse because I fear that my behavior might adversely impact others . I am a recluse because that's just who I am. I'm sure that this maladaptive behavior will be mitigated as my depression improves . But The catch 22 That i am in is that I am depressed in part b/c I am always alone , BUT my depression keeps me from wanting to interact with others . Ouy Veh

[BonnieG2010]

Maybe you need to be reclusive because you have too much pressure from others or you feel others as too much pressure?

It is possible that you have to find the right amount of caring that you can take, and when you can't take it anymore, it should be ok to say no to some, instead of going for the opposite behavior.

From what you wrote, seems to me that you go from being too much with people to not wanting them around at all.
You ask other people to tell you if you are too much. Maybe you should telling people around you when they are too much and set your boundaries. And maybe you won't need to go reclusive.

[ididwhat?]

Originally Posted by Sunluvr

I seem to be different than the other "posters".
I am not a recluse because I fear that my behavior might adversely impact others . I am a recluse because that's just who I am. I'm sure that this maladaptive behavior will be mitigated as my depression improves . But The catch 22 That i am in is that I am depressed in part b/c I am always alone , BUT my depression keeps me from wanting to interact with others . Ouy Veh

Its a catch 22, for sure. I am sometimes much more comfortable in social situations where I know hardly anybody there. I don't have to worry about whether they think I'm acting weird or not... cause, you know... what the heck do they know about me, anyway?
When I DO go to social situations with one of my many circles of friends+/or colleagues—mind you, I must force myself to arrive—I always, and quite often, have a fabulous time.
I'm to the point where I'm choosing "Oh, just go for it." over "Nah. I'm burrowing in, now." a lot more. But, I know when I need to stay home... That I'm pretty clear on (plus, I always take my dog out, someplace ). I like to go with what works... when I finally figure it out, anyway.

[Iamwho]

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

sure, no one's stopping you.

It finally dawned on me, there was no one stopping me years ago and probably no one now either.

To slowly slip back to being a recluse, is alluring.

[Iamwho]

BonnieG2010. You are so right. Today I did confide in a close friend that I was getting overstimulated. Then I explained to a family member that I would like to see everyone, but not at the same time because it freaks me out. I tried to explain to them that it is hard for me to get out of the house, especially if staying at someone else's home. It is nice to be invited.

In the past I always ended up with cleaning up and without much help. I am wearing braces on bot hands, so someone else would have to help

Too sleepy to type anymore.

[Iamwho]

Originally Posted by BonnieG2010

Maybe you need to be reclusive because you have too much pressure from others or you feel others as too much pressure?

It is possible that you have to find the right amount of caring that you can take, and when you can't take it anymore, it should be ok to say no to some, instead of going for the opposite behavior.

From what you wrote, seems to me that you go from being too much with people to not wanting them around at all.
You ask other people to tell you if you are too much. Maybe you should telling people around you when they are too much and set your boundaries. And maybe you won't need to go reclusive.

Yep, last time a friend overwhelmed me I actually got sick. I do need to start telling peeps when they are being too much for me. I did mention it to a young adult friend, who kept upsetting herself and me by rehashing wrongs. It was just upsetting us both. Told her she should let it go, but that I realized she will still need to deal with this person.

[Iamwho]

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

@Iamwho: Did you want feedback on this? I get this whole thing where [apparently?] I am hypercritical of how I treat the people I have relationships with and care about.

That is to say, pretty much 95% of the people I engage with on a more intimate basis say I need to cut myself some slack and try to be human sometimes. Which means sometimes complaining, being cranky, not being perfect, not being totally hypervigilant 100% of the time to everyone's needs- because no one is psychic.

I pursue the idea that I can always be a better person, but when it comes to how I treat people and interact with them, sometimes that thought actually overrides any appreciation for what I do and why my loved ones love me NOW.

I don't know if any of this addresses any of your concerns, as you weren't specific, but maybe something in there is relevant...

I do understand being overwhelmed by social participation- it's a lot of work for me personally.


ha.

Do you mean appreciating yourself or others appreciating you? It would be a wonderful world to be appreciated just for being ourselves and not for what we do for others.