what attracts men in women?

I've been in relationship for a long time, it started when I was quite young, so it seem for me like I've never been single at all. I am not "top model looking" but pretty and not stupid I think.. but for some reason I don't see or notice men flirting with me or trying to get my phone number etc. What could it be? I am quiet myself and find it hard to get with most people I meet but does it mean that my private love life will be affected by that? anyway, the question is, what attracts men in women? how it happens with you guys?

What approximate age are you? One thing that really attracts me to a woman is if she seems to like me back. If I see signs of interest, then my interest in her perks up enough that I might try starting something with her.

I would also like to know because no matter how good I look and how fun I am to be around, apparently I'm the most unattractive girl out there. Even if a guy likes me one week, a few weeks later (or less), I won't even exist anymore. So apparently there's something extremely unattractive about me.

Yeah, same here! I'm not looking but still some male attention couldn't hurt >.< Guys always see me as the "funny one" not the hot or pretty one.

I love a woman that is self confident, is well read and can carry on an intelligent conversation about a variety of subjects without trying to impress me with her grasp of the academic world. I love a woman that isn't afraid to challenge me at any time about any thing, especially if she can prove me wrong or show me how I'm out of line. I love a woman that knows herself, knows what she wants and isn't afraid of reaching for it. I love a woman that is feminine and isn't afraid to show me her vulnerable side. I love a woman that wants to be an equal partner in a meaningful relationship and knows what that means. I love a woman that's creative, spontaneous, open minded and willing to stretch her mind with new ideas, activities, places and concepts. I love a THINKING woman. I love a woman who knows how to be tender, loving, intimate and giving... I love a woman that allows me to show her my tender, loving and intimate side while knowing that touching and intimacey may simply mean that I'm telling her that I Love Her and doen't mean that I want anything more from her... I love a woman that I can trust and respect and count on to be my better half in life...
Let's see... Looks? Meh... If they're good looking, great, but if not, it doesn't matter to me. Not even a little. Well, OK. It does a little. I mean, I would PREFER that she have the proper number of limbs and other approptiate gear, but even then, if she doesn't it isn't the end of the world so long as she sorta fits the bill for all of those other non-physical things.

...Oh... there are so many reasons that I Love my wife that I can go on and on and on...

But I won't.

Dan

God, I hope this is what you were asking for! Otherwise, I'm gonna be really embarrassed!

danvb-

I have a feeling that you're either in the minority or in a different generation than me. Maybe it's just the people I know, but the only guys that treat me like a person are usually old enough to be my dad or grand-dad…or they're already married for obvious reasons.

I really want to know what guys in their 20's and early 30's want in a girl (and if you're in that age group, I apologize for assuming you weren't).

It appears guys in my age group who aren't already married are only interested in looks and girls who have absolutely no problems or quirks (basically no personality). And they're DEFINITELY not interested in smart girls. I guess I'm barking up the wrong tree by repeatedly approaching straight cisgendered males.

Atomicc - these guys you mention ... have they had their eyesight checked lately!? *runs down the checklist* Attractive, funny, compassionate ... have they had their IQ tested lately? Sooner or later, you'll find a good one, I'm sure of it.

Same same. I get on well with men and people older than me. Guys for example sitting in the pub my age are only there to get drunk or have one night stand. But still I believe that there are others out there, so I wonder what atracts them to us? To understand that a woman is giving and you can relay in her and she is smart you need to time, what about if you only spent an hour with her? If you only met her?

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I.Am.The.End....

My son-in-law is 30. My daughter is 27. My daugher is exactly like her mother in that she could just as easily be the person that I described. Her husband Loves her for all those same reasons that I mentioned. Just as I Love MY wife, He loves HIS.

My wife and I are Blessed that my daughter found a man who places his wife at the center of his universe, just as I do mine.

There ARE wonderful men out there who want to find a woman that they can Love and Cherish... I KNOW there are... My daughter found one. She went through a few guys before she found the right one, but she DID. But I agree with you, they're probably more rare than I'd like to think.

But there's something else I should say. Nobody is a perfect husband or perfect wife. NOBODY! It's something you have to LEARN how to do. It takes time and committment and the honest desire to work out the differences that WILL arise between you. It involves learning to know when to compromise and when not to compromise and knowing the difference between compromising and sharing. Nothing is easy. There are no short-cuts. There HAS to be MUTUAL gie and take. And there needs to be equality in the marriage. And trust and respect and blah blah blah blah blah... Yeah, I'm sure you've heard all this stuff before, but, it's absolutely true. It seems that nowadays couples give up too easy. They're ready to throw in the towel the first time thier marriage hits a snag. But honestly? As far as my wife and I are concerned... and my daughter and her hubby too, not being together just doesn't compute. It isn't even a possibility, EVER. That thought honestly doesn't enter our brains. My wife is a part of me just as sure as my arms and legs and heart are a part of me... and I am a part of my wife. We are connected by a bond that cannot be broken. We didn't exchange marriage vows. I mean, we didn't "promise" to do all of those things everyone says in their marriage vows. No. I can't PROMISE to always love and cherish blah blah my wife and her me. THOSE THINGS JUST ARE! I Love my wife not because I promised to Love her. I Love her because there can be no other way. It just is. I dunno. I'm probably making a big deal out of a something you never even asked about or want to hear... Sorry. I get carried away when it comes to how I feel about my other half.

Yes, I'm very afraid for the current generations. The world has changed in ways that do nothing but present some very difficult times ahead for you.

You know of course that when you said, "It appears guys in my age group who aren't already married are only interested in looks and girls who have absolutely no problems or quirks (basically no personality). And they're DEFINITELY not interested in smart girls."It's the same thing people were saying way back when dirt was new in MY generation. Yep. almost verbatim.

True!

Ya know, maybe I should be asking YOU just the opposite question. What do you want in a GUY? I.E.: What do you want in the guy you want to marry? How do YOU want to be treated and how do you want to treat HIM?

I don't know. I think I'm rambling now...

BTW, I'm 60. Yeah, I'm an old dude... As they say, one foot in the grave no less.

Dan

Does her looks play I big role? I know it is important for men, but how important? Maybe there are just much more beautiful women out there and I get lost next to them.

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What you feel about your wife is wonderful and I wish you many more years of happiness. Because even tho I am young but I got lucky to experience love before. I cared about my partners needs more than I cared about myself, I would give my life for him without even thinking and there were no particular reasons why I loved him, I just did and with every day I discovered something new about him and it would make me love him more and more, without him life seems to be pointless.
I want a guy who would be a able to make me feel again. Someone who realises what is around us, have values. Confident man. Someone I can become a better person again, someone who wouldn't think that I am strange in some ways - but special.

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Ya know, when you ask if her looks play a big role, it's like asking "Do men like watching basketball?" Some men like to watch basketball and some don't. The same holds true about how important a womans looks are to a man. I mean, SURE! If the woman they happen to Love looks like a model, fine, but otherwise, I think most well adjusted men want a woman that they can Love and will Love them in return.

Now, that isn't to say that there aren't SOME men that will only go out with beautiful women. I mean, to some men, a woman is a trophy that he needs to put on display so everyone can see how much of a MAN he is. He needs to always have some eye-candy on his arm so he sends the right message to anyone that sees him.

But then, what else is new? There has always been the kind of man that has to be with beautiful women and there will always be the type of woman that wants to be with that kind of man... that wants people to see her and admire her and the fact that she's with what she might regard as a powerful or attractive man.

C'est la vie!

Dan

lightinthesky,

You said, "someone who wouldn't think that I am strange in some ways - but special."

Whew. You just choked me up... God... EVERY woman is a special gift... if only their partner would realize that. **sigh**

Ok... I'm better now. whew.

Danvb
What you describe /have is something majority of women/men would love to have. NOt every one is lucky to have that.,though..
Lightinthesky
If one thing I can add to what Danvb said ,it would be -Do not rush and jump into relationship just to ran away from yourself ,from loneliness and your principles,While you definitely adjust and change and compromise in the relationships(should be mutual),you should keep your core principles and ,do not succumb to following him in everything.
Love is about respect and acceptance of who you are, not acceptance of who someone else wants you to be

This thread makes me want to cry…the only things I know about "love" are all in an academic/clinical sense. Basically, I can only imagine what relationships could be like based on what I read here and based on what I observe in real life.

The truth is, I've never been in a "relationship". I sort of "dated" in the loosest definition of the word in high school, but that was more like a couple of good friends goofing around with kissing.

I haven't even been kissed in nearly a decade. I'll end up married to my career (which at the moment doesn't even want me) because no person will ever stoop that low. And apparently I can offer my love all day with no takers. And I'm not one to give up easily or think that things will be "perfect".

Perfection to me is to be with someone who doesn't hit me, make me feel stupid, ignore my feelings, disrespect my values, shame or humiliate me into anything physical/sexual. Perfection would be someone (the gender ultimately doesn't matter to me, though for some reason I seem to be stuck on guys right now, go figure) who can accept my past, present, and future and who won't make fun of the way I look. Perfection is having someone that I can tell the absolute truth to without humiliation or judgment (that might be asking too much). Perfection would be someone who would take the time to initiate conversation, dates, etc. sometimes so I don't have to do it ALL of the time. Perfection would be that if we're in the same room, they would realize that I exist. And I would do all the same for them…

But that's too much to ask of a guy—at least a straight cisgendered guy. I should really just stick to transmen and women…I don't know why I'm always interested in what I can't have. But anyway, this isn't about me, so I'll shut up now.

Lightinthesky, instead of answering your question, I'd suggest you give consideration to what sort of man you want to attract. Some guys are looking for women with tats on their neck, arms & legs and / or can swear like a sailor. Other men would pass that woman on by. To each their own. Lol - I do see a lot of very attractive women with some real loser dudes. Makes me wonder what they see in them. For what it's worth, once you decide what you're looking for - the dreams you have & where you see yourself going or want to go, concentrate on being true to that ideal and go fishing in that pond. You'll catch what you're looking for !

I know what type of MAN I do not want to have beside me. I'm afraid that I will always be looking for someone like me ex - love. I definitely don't need a guy who cares about looks and has no values for love and family, I always wanted to sink (in a good way) into my relationship and feelings. The other thing is, I will never make a first step even if I like someone (I don't usually like anyone tho). That's why I am curious what men see in the woman when they look at her first then start talking, how do they realise if it is that what they want or not? I would rather be alone for years then waste my time and get hurt again, I don't need dating, I need more. I had it since I was 17, I didn't need to think about it and single life is like living on the moon for me

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Child-bearing hips so that she can bear him many sons.

That's the right thinking! For one, I'd certainly be attracted to a woman who is involved in LIVING - and not hung up moping around waiting to meet the right guy!

Well a woman may not have much control over how her hips are formed, but she sure as ever can show her love & interest IN kids - that's more important. Yep - a woman who can make kids laugh & keep their interest. That's important. And one who knows how to make things grow. Flowers, vegetables. She's not afraid to get her hands dirty. That is... sexy

Hey. & here's some advice from Jimmy Soul:

Growing flowers and vegetables? Really?

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Oh absolutely. Not everyone can do that. And to me, a woman who has an interest in growing things - herbs, vegetables, flowers - has a certain patience - sort of a preoccupation in living!

You know, I was thinking about what personally attracts me to a woman, and it truly isn't looks. I believe a guy can be physically attracted to a large variety of women, at least initially, but without the mental (and in turn emotional) connection and stimulation of good conversations, fun experiences, and a feeling of understanding amongst each other, that attraction becomes fleeting. Similar interests can help, but aren't required (in my last relationship we had very little in common with our interests, different taste in movies, music, hobbies, etc..) but she did challenge me intellectually and she always took steps to help me become a better and more confident person. Our connection and conversation was such that we could feel like we understand and were understood very well, which I think is a cornerstone to a long lasting relationship. Guys (and girls) I feel want to feel like they're thoughts and feelings are being appreciated and understood.

I think it can be difficult to find the person you're looking for if you don't also step outside your comfort zone and show you have an interest in that someone as well. Sometimes you can't wait for them to come to you with their interest, you must also seek them out from time to time. If the guy you're looking for is anything like me, he may really like you, and find you attractive, but find it difficult to bring it to your attention. I know I have huge problems talking with women, even talking with a girl who's in my circle of friends can be difficult, it took me months to say more than a sentence to my best friend's girlfriend (who later became his wife) and I still find myself tongue tied from time to time around her. So it's always possible there are actually many guys around you that find you attractive and would like to talk with you, but just haven't gotten up the nerve to do so, and unfortunately, again if they're anything like me, you may have to make the first move if you're interested in them. I know when I meet a woman I end up liking, she is often is the one who's initiated conversation with me, her interest in what I have to think and say causes me to take notice of her, and perhaps over time even become attracted to her.

Sometimes though the best, most loyal, most interesting and caring people are not going to be the one's who seek you out for conversation and a number at a party, they may be the one's who are too shy to approach you. Sometimes a guy will try to show his interest in you through things he does for you, ways he tries to go out of his way to hang out with you, or help you out whenever he can. This may be his way of showing that he really likes you and is even attracted to you. So in the end it may take you getting outside of your own quiet shyness to find the person you will truly enjoy being with. Just a thought.

I hope this helps in some way, I'm by no means an authority on how to seek out people who'll be interested in you (I can hardly do that for myself), but I know in my experience the best relationships I've had were with women who made me feel better about myself, brought an energy to our meetings/conversations that was positive and genuine, and who I could see myself having fun with doing absolutely nothing at all but just being together.

it might be that every man looks for something different. I am shy myself too so I wouldn't be making first steps for sure, I feel like it is something that man should be doing. I wonder if it's real when a man walks into some place and sees a woman there and he feels "yes I like her, I need to have her".

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