Husband Is Verbally Abusive and Just Plain Mean

How do you cope with a spouse who doesn't support your mental illness and is embarrassed and inconvenienced by it? My husband has become so verbally abusive, mean and neglectful since we both retired from the USAF last year. (I retired due to mental illness and attempted suicide & ptsd)

Every time I try to talk to him about why something is stressing/freaking me out he gets really pissy with me and tells me, "I don't know what to tell you.. I'm not a doctor", which is code for shut up and go away. He never wants to talk to me about anything! I can't even look at him anymore without him growling "what are you looking at?" It's become a verbally hostile environment.

I got serious PTSD, anxiety, and depression. All I want is peace and quiet and to be left alone until I can heal and I have no support or respect. He just doesn't care and won't keep the outsiders at bay so I have a peaceful place to heal. I'm not sure what to do about this... he is the type who doesn't think he's ever wrong about anything; therefore, going to therapy is beneath him. Sometimes, I feel like he's purposely trying to push my buttons but I don't know if that is the paranoia associated with the PTSD and anxiety.

I'm not sure what to do... I'm starting to wonder if I'm better off alone. God knows I can't afford to move right now. This is a really miserable situation I'm in. And no, there isn't anyone I could move in with or talk to.. I am totally alone.

I don't think there is anything I can do right now but just put up with this for the daughter's sake as long as I can.. I just needed to vent really bad. Anybody else in or was in a situation like this? What did you do to cope, or change things?

Ebony, sorry to hear about your situation. BELIEVE ME you are NOT alone!!!!
Send me a private message please. As I read your post.. I see we have a lot in common.
Not sure if you've seen the VA about your PTSD/Anxiety/Depression.. I highly recommend it. It has made a WORLD of difference in my life.

It may not save your marriage, as I am learning... but the VA counselors can surely save YOU.
Hope to hear from you soon.

Larry

I would find out everything I could about VA benefits that I was eligible for. It's going to be a lot of work as I've learned that the VA doesn't make it easy for vets to know about certain benefits but there has got to be help out there.

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I'm sorry you are in what sounds like a very hard place. Has your husband always been like this? How long have you been married?

My husband used to be a pretty big jerk, but he is much better now. When he drinks he can still be very ugly, but he treats me pretty well in general.

The part where you say that he feels that he is always right must be tough. Sounds like a hard attitude to deal with. I think it's true that counseling for yourself is a good thing. Something I could use too. Take care. Hope you find understanding and help here.

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Larry, I started my disability claim last year and it isn't projected to be closed until next year...so until then, I can't go to the VA for help until I get a rating. I could go to the local clinic and hope Tricare will pay for 80% of it, but I already have $200 in copays for other stuff coming due this month... on my retirement pay alone (I don't work) it isn't enough and the husband does not help. It is so frustrating...

Otter, we've been married for almost 7 years. During our second year of marriage, after I got back from a deployment (first one while being married to him) he was really different...distant... cold... and wasn't himself. Things started to go down hill after that. During my second deployment in 2011, he cheated on me and I almost divorced him except I was going through a battle with my ex over our child and ...long story short, I kept us together for her sake. I don't know why...my husband and daughter do not get along. I think he probably cheated on me during the first deployment too but I couldn't prove it. I know he isn't cheating on me now because he is home all the time... probably why he's pissed so much.

And no, he wasn't always like this.. he was so funny and hilarious to be around. That's why I married him, because we had so much fun and so much in common. He had the greatest/warped sense of humor like me. THen... all of a sudden, something just changed. It was so weird. We are both cut ups who used to love laughing and finding the comedy in everyday things.. Now, it feels like I live with an 88 year old codger who God forbid you try to have any fun with or crack a joke. It's just miserable. He is nothing like the man I married. I want my old partner in crime back, not this jerk.

Sounds like you have few options. Only he can change his behavior and from what you say he has little motivation to do so.

The first thing I would do is talk to an attorney and try to sort your finances so you can proceed with a divorce.

This may not be what you are wanting to hear but it is how I honestly see the situation.