not lovable

There are also many who don't and there are also those who do. So what? Looks like you only believe that men like playing games and they only like independent *****es, believe or not it isn't all so black and white and it is at least silly to think that you are not "entitled" in this life for something. Nobody is, life doesn't owe you anything, I wish it did.
And i agree, you can be nice and smart and gentle and very opened and still - challenging.

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I will try to explain, you claim that your sister with her not nice behaviour is now with a man who is so good. But those women who do behave like that (have more than one partner at the same time etc) are not necessary a good catch, not necessary lovebale and not necessary with a high self esteem otherwise they would not sleep with a man who has a wife etc.

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Be who you are and stop thinking of this world as only black and white and living stereotypes. Being a slut does not pay off, a man who respects himself will not be with that kind of woman, a man who has serious intentions - will not be with that kind of woman. Even if it does pay off then not in the way you think it does and not for too long. Love yourself and care about yourself, you are unique and once you find it in yourself - others will too. Life and relationship is not all just about the game. It really isn't. Life is way more complicated. (My opinion)

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lol i wasnt even talking about my sis anymore!!! I WAS TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE IN HERE! DAMN u don even get what i say. forget it!

@The O.P, I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through! You're not the only one who's head has been messed with though! I went through the same thing a few times, but it only took me one time to never make that mistake again. My ex b.f used me only for sex. I knew that he liked me at the time, but he never asked me out, so I did. I also dumped that loser after I came to my senses.

I was in my early 20's at the time and I never had a b.f before. I was lonely and depressed. I was very naieve to and I had a very low self esteem and I thought that no one could ever love me. I'm married now and although our relationship isn't perfect, I feel that I can trust my husband and rely on him more than most people most of the time.

Anyways, I think that I was the person who mentioned that book by Sherry Argov- Did you read the book? If not, you should as it'll help you understand why guys are the way they are and how to react to them when they try to treat you badly. Men and women are very different people emotionally.

As for that guy, it sounds like he was just using you for sex and that he is just a jerk that doesn't deserve you. Please google how to spot a player and you'll be able to spot them a mile away from now on. If you're meeting guys on here, google how to spot an Internet player as they're a lot sneakier and harder to spot!

I'm sorry to say this, but take it from this 40 something year old.....most younger men are mostly after SEX, NOT a real relationship! Of course, there are some good guys out there who do want a relationship, but just remember, most guys, especially around that age will say or do just about anything to get into your pants. They'll say I "love you" and not mean it, etc.....

I hope that this helped!

You did mention her saying that being a slut pays off so what I am saying - that I think, it doesn't. And that it is not all just so black and white. And those men that you lost may not be a good catch and you truly didn't even lose anything. If they want to use and play games - you don't need those men.

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@The O.P, here are some helpful links to help you spot a guy who is only using you for sex:

Is He Only After Sex? Signs He is Little More Than a Player

How to Tell If He Just Wants Sex! 7 Great Ways to Know Whether He is Serious Or Casual With You

They'll NEVER introduce you to their friends or family, also, they won't take you out, not try to find out much about you, call you just to talk, or buy you gifts. They'll call you late to "come over". I found out a lot just by googling how to tell if a guy is only using you for sex.

I'm unclear about where anything stated was meant as an insult? Could you point out, what was offensive, to at least talk about it and find clarification?

hi there. yess exactly u i did read the book. and they didnt have sex with me. i wouldnt without a serious relationship. deep down i know what im in but i want to believe otherwise or for them to prove me wrong (if that even makes sense). yep all hey think about is sex. and i dont even know why hey want me, i have no curves... bu guess having a hole is more than enough. thanks for ur reply

having a baggage isnt having MI!! dont come with bs caz i know from experience that MI+MI = no good, so no thanks. and the issue wasnt even about that.

light i was just proving to u that that crap of "u need to love urself first is just BS" otherwise people here wouldnt have bf/gf.

Ya know what? Everybody tells me that same bs line about loving
urself, except my t and pdocs.

No EVERY single man is obsessed about sex. A woman is not just a whole and a man isn't only what's in between his legs, with this way of thinking it must be hard for you to live and trust a man. I am not saying that there aren't bad guys out there but there are also good ones who do want love and relationship. You are not the first one and not the last one who met a dude who wanted to use a girl a sex, it happens, hope now you can spot them and next time you won't be wasting any of your time on them.

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You can have a bf or gf and not love yourself, it's true. Tho all it will probably grant you is a dysfunctional relationship, full of strife, a dash of codependeny, jealousy, and most likely not treating each other very respectfully when the going gets tough, and it always does get tough at times.

To have a healthy, long lasting, fulfilling, loving relationship it does take self love. It takes healthy people to create a healthy relationship, or a least two people who are working on their emotional health.

Some people may be able to make it work without it, with a lot of effort. But why not work on those things before hand, while it's less complicated rather than after you secure a relationship when it will be even harder?

If you find this advise unhelpful, feel free to pass over it. No need to respond to me if not.

Perhaps you are just more or less needing to rant and not really seeking advice? That's fine as well.

Somewhere in a children's story I remember encountering the concept that you aren't real until you're loved. I find it an extremely elusive concept, but also intriguing. And after considering the logical implications I think only one person then could possibly make us real--our self. I can care about someone else's feelings and have empathy for them, but, if they don't take care of their own self, will I be able to rely on them consistently? I think relationships are about taking care of each other--however, I'm not and expert and, usually--to me, people seem like they want to take more than give.

hi. i know but that would just mean someone could actually love and not just want me for sex!! and maybe the fact no one ever loved me and the ones that showed interest were just interested in my vag, made my self-esteem deteriorate even more. so i always say was actually the contrary i wasnt this bad.. as no one ever loved me it got worse. i appreciate ur post. tc

well one prob in relationships is given more than i get... but then i expect the same treatment and just get disappointed...

Well there is the saying if you cannot love yourself, you cannot love others as well. People often dislike clichés, but often it might be because they are true, and truth can be annoying.

So some people think they love, but they might offer a very unhealthy version of it or it might not be love at all. it's hard to spot the difference sometimes, especially if you have not be shown love by others or yourself.

It took me untill almost 30, to start to understand healthy love. It's a slow process, for some of us who have not been shown a lot of love, or taught healthy love.

As someone who has been abused by parents, abandoned and homeless in youth, raped, married to an extremely violent person.. It sure made it difficult for me to differentiate between healthy love and something else under the guise of love.

It really wasn't untill I could start to lend myself some love that I started to really be able extend true love to others, and in return be able to receive love as well. Receiving love can be just as difficult for some.

This is just my experience, but it's a pretty common experience as well.

I wish you all the best to find what you need, everyone needs to be loved, and to love. I believe everyone can find it too, including you.

well i'll never be normal enough to someone love me

You are not willing to listen.

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Love isn't bound by something as fickle as normality. (Whatever that may even be)

My bf loves me crazy and all, he says its part of what makes me me, unique.

well complain to my parents that made this defected.

exactly! but none can ever love me

I don't get it

You're being contradictory, you say "exactly" like you agree with me regarding love, and then immediately afterward you disagree and say "but none can ever love me"....

I don't get it do you want to hear us agree with you about being unlovable or would you prefer we listen to you vent?

I ask because this subject doesn't seem open for discussion and I'm not sure what type of support you seek.