I need help

Me and my girlfriend of 4 yrs broke up 3 months ago, and I am still having a really hard time with it. I did good with it at first, then I found some things out and got really depressed over the break up. I know now that we were not ment to be together, but I still have days where I can't stop thinking about her and all the good times we had. Can anyone give me some advice on how to get over this and back to a happy and normal life.

Hi Jay,

I totally feel for you as I am still feeling the effects of a breakup myself which happened over the Christmas holidays this past year. All I can say is hang in there. Yes you will have up and down periods. I am like you right now....I was doing well with my breakup until last week and then I seemed to go into a real depression over it. This week is a bit better but I just miss him so much. I keep thinking about the good times like you do, too and all of the things we used to do together. But the reality is that he did not feel the same about our time together or me as I felt about him. He was the one to break it up and not work on our problems. He does not want to be with me. That cold hard fact helps me face up to reality.

My situation may be a little different than yours as I am still seeing my ex as friends...something that he really wants. But, I just don't think it is working for me as I am not really "getting over" him like I should. And I feel resentful that he is probably just stringing me along to have there in case he gets lonely or to keep me there so I do not meet anyone else. Is your situation anything like that Jay? Are you still seeing your ex at all? I have done a lot of reading on breakups and everyone seems to say that NO CONTACT seems to be the best way to move on with your life. Makes sense to me.

Other than that take each day as it comes, spend time with friends, go out and have fun, talk about how you feel with someone you trust. Allow yourself to feel bad about the breakup. That is normal. You said that you were okay about the breakup at first...maybe this is your depression stage happening three month later. Anyhow...hang in there Jay....it will get better!!!

It's so normal to feel what you're feeling now. You've invested a lot of time and emotion into a relationship that is over. You made mistakes, your partner made mistakes, everyone is human. But it's apparently over. And you're depressed. It is so natural to feel this way.

But it takes time, because suddenly your life is different. All the things you enjoyed and took for granted are not there. An empty feeling takes its place. Sadness and remorse fill your thoughts. It's like grieving. It just takes a lot of time to get over. Be patient.

This is the time to be ultra good to yourself. Take yourself places, buy yourself things, eat goodies. Look in the mirror and say, "I love you, you're wonderful." Pamper yourself to the max. Let people do nice things for you. Work out. Exercize is extremely important.

Around the corner, waiting for you, is a new adventure. Opportunity awaits. Give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. One day you'll be looking back and saying, wow, I am so amazed! I thought it was the end and it was just the beginning.

One thing I know for sure about life is that it is full of surprises. Just when you least expect it, something really terrific happens. Be open to it. Watch for it. It's out there, headed your way.

Choices, it's all about choices.

I LOVED your post. That was extremely positive and uplifting. I hope it helps Jay as much as it helped me and others like me out there who are going through a painful breakup. No wonder I always feel better after reading the posts on this board!!

Thank you again!!

Hey Samantha,

Thanks for the reply it sounds like you are going through the same feelings i am. I do have to tell you that I have not seen my ex since january. That is when I found out that she had started sleeping with the guy she had cheated on me with about 6 months earlier. It hurt me really bad because after 4 yrs it only took two weeks after the break up for her to start sleeping with this guy. I wanted me and her to be friends after the break up but I just can't see her yet. I have talked to her a few times but have not seen her. I would suggest that if you are having a hard time when you see your ex that you should try not to see him it really does help, you will still think about him every once in awhile but not as often. Another thing I have learned is that you should always go with your gut instinct on how you feel about somethin because 99% of the time so if your gut feeling says he is stringing you along you should stop seeing him because it is probably true. hope some of this helps and thanks again for the advice.

Hey ruby thanks for your response. I think that your exactly right I have been dooing alot of those things that you talked about. I have been buying myself new cloths, exercising and I am going to New York for a couple of days to visit a friend I have not seen in a long time. I do realize that I am way better off with out my ex, but sometimes I still miss her company alot. I do hope that things start working out for me a little better though it has been a tuff year so far with the break up, school, and alot of other things that have piled up in the last six months. I really do hope to find that special woman with in the next year, I do not really like being alone that much, but I also no that I can't just search for her, because things happen when you are least expecting them. Again thank you for your advice and I will continue to spoil myself it is alot of fun.

You are so welcome Jay, I'm glad I could offer some assistance. Relationships are not easy, it takes a lot of work, and it feels sad when they end, because we put so much into them.

So it's good to use that same energy and put it into ourselves. When the healing is done, we move on and find others to love, as the world is filled with so many people for sure. My best to you.

Choices, it's all about choices.