My BF Won't Open Up To Me Anymore

My bf & I have been through our ups & downs. After almost losing each other, I made a conscious decision to work through our problems & out the past behind us. I've tried to be the woman he needs me to be in his life but I feel that he hasn't been the man that I need b/c at times, he doesn't want to compromise. He tells me that he's himself & I can't make him be any other person than who he is. That's true but if he addresses an issue with me, I make an effort to change it b/c I love him & want him to be happy.

He blames me for the past & I have carried a lot of guilt b/c of it. He refuses to take responsibility for his actions & has said that his actions were a reaction based on my actions which to me is a cop out & not true. Yes, I'm not an angel but he has caused most of the problems in the relationship by his selfishness & arrogance.

He quit his job in October due to an argument we had & also an argument he had with his boss. He's been out of work since & I've been handling all of our finances. He's been moody, sad, depressed & withdrawn. I know that this is a difficult time for him & I cater to his needs but I feel that my own needs aren't being met. I feel neglected & lonely. He sits at home all day watching documentaries. He dirties all the dishes, doesn't walk the dog, make the bed, shower etc. I asked him to help me put up my bed frame. He tells me no. He makes no effort to be a partner in my life. I understand depression b/c I suffer from it too so I put aside my feelings most of the time. But I addressed it this morning b/c it was bothers me when he ignores me & I was in tears.

As soon as I began to talk, he accused me of causing drama & not letting things rest. He was angry & said the only thing he wants to do is find work & not discuss our relationship. In the past, he was always open to discuss our relationship & pursued me at full speed. He always expressed his feelings but now he barely tells me he loves me. He seems distant & barely touches me. I don't know if that's b/c he isn't working or if he wants to move on b/c of our problems.

He sends mixed signals. One day he talks about we & us, the next moment, he says I & me. It isn't fair to me to think we have a future if he's only with me b/c he needs a place to live until he saves his $ to move back to Fl. We live together in NJ & he's from Fl. I told him that if he wants to break up, I will understand & we can live together until he gets himself on his feet. I truly mean that b/c I love him & I don't want him to feel obligated to be in a relationship with me just b/c we live together. I'd rather know the truth.

He didn't validate my feelings or console me today. He walked out on our conversation & said I was a trouble maker. I know that isn't true b/c I did not argue. I was nice & loving about it.

Should I move on with my life & let him get himself together & move back to Fl? I'm confused b/c I love him & I'm still in love with him.

For the record, I've always been the one who has supported us financially. Even when he was working, he wasn't paying half of the bills. He would always make comments that I loved $$ when he gave me $650 for the rent. I thought that was abusive b/c he can't live anywhere for free & if I loved $, I wouldn't be with him b/c he isn't rich & doesn't even have a car.
In saying that, I'm wondering if he's only staying b/c he can use the benefits that come with my life. I'm confused!

Last week he said he wanted to marry me but I feel that with the recent events, he's trying to pacify me with words. Maybe he is frustrated b/c he isn't working but why is he letting it affect our relationship. He told me this morning that I have a place to go everyday but he doesn't. I feel bad that he lost his job but honestly, he picks & chooses where he wants to work, which takes advantage of me & is selfish b/c he has me to fall back on. He's a truck driver & doesn't want to deliver to NYC boroughs. He's turned down work making $1100 p week b/c of this!

So, what does this guy do for you that makes your heart go all atwitter for him? Or does it? Why do you still Love him? Or do you? What do you like about his guy? What don't you like about this guy?

And, most importantly, what does your heart tell you about what to do? Have you listened to it? Do you believe it?

A relationship is a give and take compormise between two different people in which the needs and desires of both people are not only met, but nurtured and cherished as well.

Does this sound like YOUR relationship?

Just askin'

Dan

I miss what we had before & I want it back again. Our love was good & he cared about my feelings. I have a lot of feelings for him & can't see myself with anyone else. He is my dream man. I like & love many things about him as well as dislike some things about him. My heart tells me that it can be good if he can compromise and see that I'm not here to hurt him. He's a damaged person & doesn't trust easily. He has retaliated immaturely at me for minor things & I've forgiven him for it b/c I knew he was feeling insecure. I don't know if he's shutting down b/c he doesn't want to be with me or b/c he hasn't worked for almost 3 months & he's depressed.

SirGoliath,
I don't have any advice for you. You are the only one that can know what to do. I simply posed a few simple questions for you to think about. I'm sure that you'll do what's in your heart... because that IS where the decision about what to do will be made.

I wish you the very best,

Dan