[Haunted1]

Okay, so I just posted my new member thread, and decided now is as good a time as any to post why I am here. I don't want to sound whiney, or like I think I have the worst life ever so please don't think that.

I supposed I should start with a little bit of my history. I'm 25, I'm a female. I grew up in a house where my father was emotionally, and mentally abusive. To the severe of it. I also have health problems which seemed to of course make the abuse worse. I had a wonderful, compassionate mother. We left my father when I was 11, but of course the damage was done rather anyone new it or not.

My mother and I are very close. She went to nursing school while raising, and home schooling me. When I entered the teenage years my father wanted a relationship, and for some reason he was granted visitation. The emotional abuse worsened as I aged with shots at my sexuality being his favorite. Apparently having a 13 year old more interested in books than boys wasn't right.

I was a strong person I got it from my mother, and I survived. I didn't let it break me completely. As I morphed into my later teenage years I went slightly out of control. Not, the worst, but I enjoyed smoking, drinking, swearing and etc. My mother was a devout Christian woman, and I was raised to be better, but I suppose deep down I was running from my past.

I met a young man he turned out to be perfect for me in everyway. He was 16 days older than I was we had a mutual friend who set us up, and we clicked. He could deal with the issues I had health wise, and he understood the things that triggered me. Through him I learned that not all men were my father. I learned not everyone wants to hurt me, break me. I struggled with an eating disorder *being that I couldn't eat in public* for years because of my father. This young man worked me passed that.

He had soul custody of his younger brother who was 5 years younger than us. My boyfriend and I became instantly close due to our common interests, and that his father was abusive as well. Together we raised his brother. I adopted the boy as if he were my very own, and loved him more that I ever loved anyone in my life. I put 100% into that kid, and I love him.

My life for the past few years was raising this boy, I got him at the age of 13 which was a tough age for any kid. I would pick him up from school everyday, make him a snack, make him dinner, help him with homework, get his clothes clean and laid out for the next day, then do it all again. 24/7 I was a mother to an orphan, that had physical disabilities. His physical disabilities prevent him from playing sports, looking normal, and affect his emotions easily. I suffered through the tantrums, the moods, the hospital visits.

I can easily recall many nights staying up to make sure he was breathing while he slept, I can remember picking up from school deathly sick praying to God he held on a little longer. I can remember sleeping on hospital floors because I couldn't leave him. When he got his first job at 16 I was happy for him, and slightly relieved to have a few hours a day to myself.

Of course nothing lasts, and it wasn't long before his disabilities made work near impossible. Then one day while he was at work, and I was having a rare girls day out I go a phone call he was in the ER. He cut his arm off, and his brother was in NY. Someone had to go, so I rushed away from everything, and went. I sat by his bed crying, begging God to just keep him alive. He was rushed from hospital to hospital, and everyone said that if he survived his arm wouldn't. I held his hand, and saw the wound. I heard him crying, and I would have traded places with him in a heartbeat. They saved his arm, but mobility, and strength in it are next to nothing. Relieved I brought him home and for the next 8 months had to keep him preoccupied because he couldn't move his hand or arm. He's a restless kid he likes to be active, and keeping him still was a battle everyday.

He had massive surgery, and they thought he'd be okay. When he and his two best friends decided that their dream was to be a famous fourwheeler racing team I didn't doubt him. He has a talent that would make the angels jealous when he rides, and he loves it. I bought a fourwheeler, my boyfriend and I sponsored them for the first couple races. We even drove them 6 hours and got a hotel room for a big race. They were all so excited, and I had no doubt he could win. He landed wrong broke his arm that had been damaged, and wrecked in front of me. I was there, and I saw it all. I was there when we went back to the doctors, and I cried when he went through a second surgery on his arm I didn't leave him not for weeks out of guilt that I encouraged him to race.

He liked a few different girls all of whom rejected him because he looks funny. That was hard on him, but I was there like always telling him it wasn't him it's their loss. I drove him to endless doctor appointments.

Recently, A girl whom I am related to began dating a friend of mine. She seemed okay, but I wasn't crazy about her. When she, and my friend broke up she began asking for the number of another friend. My boyfriend informed her that the guy she liked had a fine girlfriend and she said she wanted the number of someone single. My boyfriend gave her his brothers number.
They have been dating 6 months now.

The problem is, I never see him anymore. It started simple enough she would ask to stay overnight at my house, and I said okay because I thought we were friends. *My boyfriend and his brother do not live with me*. She began hanging out with my boyfriends brother, and I was uneasy about it from the start. She was a recovering drug addict, she drank, swore, and had multiple miscarriages. My boyfriend told me not to worry because me, him and his brother were so close. I told her that she couldn't separate us, and she said she could. I thought she was kidding.

It started with little comments, She would say that the boy didn't want me helping him pack his bags to race anymore because it was embarrassing and he wanted her too. She said that he blamed me for things *one time his fourwheeler wouldn't start after I rode it* She said that he told her I was stupid, and broke it. She said that he told her he hated me and I was stupid, that he didn't want me at the races anymore, that he didn't want me around, that he was tired of me treating him like a little boy when he's not.
I tried to ignore her, but she got more, and more vicious until I would cry all day at the races, and then my health spiraled out of control. I got sick violently sick.

My boyfriend told his brother what was going on, and that she had to go. He was hurt, and said that he wished he knew sooner. He also denied ever saying anything that she claimed he had. He said he loved me, and I was everything to him he would never say something like that. I said I didn't want her in my house ever again. Since that day I haven't seen him.
They go places that he, and I used to go. I'm not invited, they have parties, go riding, go on dates. I know nothing about him or his life. It has been months since I have seen him. I have texted him, and tried to reach out only to get no reply. She told everyone that I threw him out of my life because he wants to move in with her and I said no. The discussion of him moving in with her never came up, and I know this is a lie.

It hurts, because I devoted my life to him for the past years, and he walked away. My health continues to fail, but he does nothing, says nothing. I see pictures of him and her on facebook, and usually when I text him she has his phone she deleted the messages without showing or telling him. He won't leave her because he says she makes him happy, but I'm afraid that when he turns 21 she will have him drinking or worse. I gave up drinking, and smoking when he came into my life I know it's hard to kick. I'm also afraid she will get pregnant on purpose, and I know he'll do the right thing by her because he's a good man.

My boyfriend tries to be supportive, but is torn between the woman he wants to be his wife, and the brother he raised as a son. The boy is still nice, and talks to his brother daily. He refuses to talk to or visit me, he said that he heard I didn't want him anymore, and I was mad. I have tried to tell him this is not true. He's the only person in my life I could never be angry at, I love him more than anyone. His birthday is coming up if there is a party I am not invited, I usually make the cake. The holidays are approaching, and I'm not even sure if he's coming for dinner or if we are doing gifts at Christmas. I want to reach out, but I'm tired or there being no response. I can't walk away from him after all this time, because I'm nothing without him.

I go through life on auto=pilot like a zombie every little thing reminding me of him. He became really popular in our town and at a few race tracks. He has the talent, and people are starting to recognize him his next big race is in February it's on my birthday over the weekend. My boyfriend has to go, and I'd like to, but I'll have to be with his girlfriend as well, and honestly if I didn't go I'm not sure he'd notice. It hurts that I pushed him this far, and she's getting the results. I want so much more for him than this, but she has him blinded.

He never thought he'd get a girlfriend, and now he doesn't want to be alone. I know she makes him happy, but the fact is she's cutting him off from everyone. She's a liar, a cheat, a *****, and his life will be ruined if he stays with her. I don't know what to do anymore so I stumbled half dead into this place praying that someone can encourage my heart, and give me hope.

[manwithnofriends]

Originally Posted by Haunted1

Not, the worst, but I enjoyed smoking, drinking, swearing and etc.

Dear oh dear. People do judge you based on your past. Even though it's wrong. I feel sorry that this has happened.

[gayleggg]

I'm terribly sorry you have been so hurt by all the lies this girl has told about you. I still have to believe that he loves you and know down deep that these things are not true. However, he is being blinded by "love". There is really little that you can do but be supportive when you can and let him know you still love him. Hopefully, your bf helps out with this. Best wishes to you. Hope things get better. I say go to his events even if you have to see the gf, let him know you care.

[hannabee]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's obvious he's thinking with the wrong head, as probably most young guys do. Good news is time is on your side! I might try to "embrace" the girlfriend, that's what I did with the boyfriends my girls had, like them or not, and and you know what, they both ended up marrying wonderful men. Letting them make their own mistakes gave them the confidence to make a good choice, when the time came.
All you really want is to be in his life with no drama, so work towards that end, with the help of your BF. I would go to the races, be super friendly to everyone and let her show her true colors, as she no doubt, will. Good luck!

[ZeldaX]

Wow, this is like deja vu all over again.

My son fell in love during high school with a beautiful, talented and creative girl, and he was over the moon with happiness. Her mother was a meth addict and, if she wasn't crazy before, she certainly was by the time we met her. One time she pulled a gun on my son and held it to his head (he didn't tell us about this incident until years later).

After throwing away scholarships and college, doing everything he could to save his "soul mate," she ended up running off with another guy (they had been together 3 years at this point).

They never married but my son is still mourning the relationship. During the years he was together with her, he broke all communication with us and blamed all problems on me and his father. Our relationship with him has not yet really mended. He believes she is schizophrenic and that somehow one of us should have dragged her into treatment.

All I can say is, I hope the relationship breaks up and your brother in law/stepson will see that you were really there for him all the time. Young men take an awfully long time growing up. Don't give up hope. None of this is your fault.

[Angel of Bedlam]

I am so sorry that she is creating a divide between the two of you. I don't know if it's possible since she seems like a habitual liar but would it be possible for all of you to sit down, discuss how you feel, and find a way forward? You cannot live his life for him, even if you see him going down a path that you know isn't good. All you can do is try to make ammends and try to be there for him when he'll let you. I'm very sorry things are so rough for you.

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[Haunted1]

Thank you all for your encouragement. I feel better just knowing there are people who sympathize with me a little. Most of everyone says that things will be fine, and I should move on. It seems like they don't understand he's more than a brother in law to me. We were very very close once. I can't really do anything at this point, but sit back and wait. It's just so hard. A part of me wants him in my life, I want him to come see me, and want to spend time with me again, but another part of me is so hurt that I can't stand the thought of him. I would kind of like to cut ties and say screw you, but then I kind of want to call him and beg him not to let this happen to us. It's just a confusing place, and weathering it is taking a lot out of me. There's also the fear that if something happens to me I don't want there to have been a wedge between us.

[jadzea]

How old are these two people? If she is over 18 and he is not you may be able to take legal action against her. Just a thought.

[Haunted1]

He'll be 21 the day after she turns 19. Hence her immaturity in the entire situation. I heard he was taking to the hospital last night, and I stupidly reached out tell him I love him, and if he needs me I'm here. There has been no reply. He is resting at his home now, I have no doubt she will be with him.

I am terribly sorry that you are going through this. You sound like a true gem of all of the love and care you gave to him since he was a child.

I tend to think the girlfriend is trying to cut off your relationship with him. And he is head over heels "in love" or truly loves her. That is out of your hands. I can't imagine how awful it is to see him throwing his life down the tubes with this girl - if she gets pregnant, etc. But I think it is out of your hands and your relationship with your husband will be conflicted if you try to get in the middle of things. (I hope that make sense?)

One thing that you can do is to continue to unconditionally love him. Like you always have loved him since he was 13. He knows that you love him. He does. He is still a very young man and is swept away by the girlfriend. He needs to grow and his relationship with her in the future is unknown at this point. But regardless, you will always love him no matter who is with, their behavior, etc.

I think going to the races is a great idea, sending holiday and birthday cards...whatever level of reaching out without "interfering" would be...your husband may have suggestions on this.

And, don't forget about you! You sound like a fantastic person. You deserve the best and pat yourself on the back.

[Haunted1]

So, I started out with a great weekend. I got a big break with my writing *one of my short stories got published in a newsletter* Then I got to spend Thanksgiving day with my boy. It was good to see him after so long, and I really enjoyed the day.

I had made plans to go shopping with my three best friends on black Friday and I was super excited to go. I barely slept all night before thanksgiving because I was excited. A few hours before we were ready to leave they informed me they wanted to invite my boys girlfriend. The one who's been making my life a misery. They said they feel bad not inviting her because they are friends with her too, since I wasn't driving I didn't really have room to say no, and I don't want to be immature, but it ruined my night.

We haven't left yet and as I post this I really don't want to go anymore. I don't want to see her or hear her brag about how much my kid loves her. I understand that she and I share mutual friends and it's hard for them, but I knew them all first, and they know the stuff she said to me. They say that I should be the adult and just ignore her, but she hurts me so bad. I really don't want to go anymore, but I don't want to seem immature by backing out. I just feel so unimportant.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Haunted1

So, I started out with a great weekend. I got a big break with my writing *one of my short stories got published in a newsletter* Then I got to spend Thanksgiving day with my boy. It was good to see him after so long, and I really enjoyed the day.

I had made plans to go shopping with my three best friends on black Friday and I was super excited to go. I barely slept all night before thanksgiving because I was excited. A few hours before we were ready to leave they informed me they wanted to invite my boys girlfriend. The one who's been making my life a misery. They said they feel bad not inviting her because they are friends with her too, since I wasn't driving I didn't really have room to say no, and I don't want to be immature, but it ruined my night.

We haven't left yet and as I post this I really don't want to go anymore. I don't want to see her or hear her brag about how much my kid loves her. I understand that she and I share mutual friends and it's hard for them, but I knew them all first, and they know the stuff she said to me. They say that I should be the adult and just ignore her, but she hurts me so bad. I really don't want to go anymore, but I don't want to seem immature by backing out. I just feel so unimportant.

I hope everything went smoothly. I think your friends should be more understanding of your situation. They can spend time with both of you without you two having to be together.

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[healingme4me]

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. You've been there for him, through thick and thin, and now to be cast away, instead of ounces of gratitude. Love can be blinding for many, and I hope, he wakes up and realizes the misunderstandings caused by a young girl in his life. I would, at least hope, that your boyfriend, would support you and try to find a way, to at least get you back into the important moments, such as race attendance and birthday parties.
Too bad, the four of you, couldn't sit down together, and just get this all straightened out. She may not be the ideal girlfriend, for him, but that's who he is choosing, right here, right now.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Haunted1

So, I started out with a great weekend. I got a big break with my writing *one of my short stories got published in a newsletter* Then I got to spend Thanksgiving day with my boy. It was good to see him after so long, and I really enjoyed the day.

I had made plans to go shopping with my three best friends on black Friday and I was super excited to go. I barely slept all night before thanksgiving because I was excited. A few hours before we were ready to leave they informed me they wanted to invite my boys girlfriend. The one who's been making my life a misery. They said they feel bad not inviting her because they are friends with her too, since I wasn't driving I didn't really have room to say no, and I don't want to be immature, but it ruined my night.

We haven't left yet and as I post this I really don't want to go anymore. I don't want to see her or hear her brag about how much my kid loves her. I understand that she and I share mutual friends and it's hard for them, but I knew them all first, and they know the stuff she said to me. They say that I should be the adult and just ignore her, but she hurts me so bad. I really don't want to go anymore, but I don't want to seem immature by backing out. I just feel so unimportant.

How did it end up going? Hold you head up high, you were there for your son, you adopted him, you gave him nurturing love and support, when he needed you. You must have been so thrilled to have him, with you for the holiday! Having to be, around his gf, with a group of others, is better than to go it alone. In a way, I see, this as your friends, showing her, that you did, come first, you are still part of this circle, and you are important. Sure, being around someone who has treated you cold and callously, isn't a walk in the park, but when you stop and consider the source, and stop and consider all you have been through and endured, just like your fathers words hold no more weight, neither will hers, over time.

[Haunted1]

Thanks for everyones support. Thankfully, She ended up not going shopping. I don't know why, but I don't really care. My friends and I had a fun night out shopping, and grabbing food at our favorite pizza place. They cheered for my success at getting put in a newsletter and made me feel like it was a bigger deal than it really was, but that's how they are.

[icinggurl]

Please never feel like you are whiny Everyone's feelings are valid here. That is a LOT to go through for such a young lady. You sound like a saint to me.

[Haunted1]

So I realize I haven't been on in months, but right after Christmas *the next day* my computer died and it's taken me this long to be able to afford a new one.
I wanted to update though, I did not get to see my boy for Christmas, or his 21st birthday. He got a new job and breezed in once because he was starving.
A part of me wanted to hold out and tell him I wasn't feeding him a part of me wants to hurt him, I want to walk away I want to let go, but I'm weak so I fed him and I fussed and clucked over him all night like an idiot.
After eating he promptly left to go to his girlfriends house and I didn't see him or hear from him again for two weeks. He messaged me on facebook just long enough to ask me to e-mail about thirty different companies for him.
Again, I wanted to say no. His girlfriend is so wonderful why can't she do it? Oh, that's right because she didn't even graduate highschool and is as illiterate as a box of rocks. I wanted to say all that instead I wrote the paper he needed written and e-mailed all the people, I made hotel reservations for his next big race, and got things ready to go for him, only for him to post on facebook about his wonderful girlfiend and how he can't do anything without her and he didn't know love could be unconditional or faithful until he met her.
My boyfriend is struggling between his own job, schooling and now this. When I approach him he tries to support me but it's out of his hands just like it is mine, and this has caused us to fight because while I know he can't do anything someone has to help me. I'm dying over her, this is killing me.
In February I will get to spend 2 days locked in a hotel room with his girlfriend, and while he races I know she'll be in the crowd bragging about her man. I do all the work I pull all the stings I open all the doors and I get the cold shoulder while she gets him. It's going to be my birthday and I'm not even having a party because there's no point. He won't notice it's my birthday anyway.
I'm not a shallow person, I'm not a whiner, I'm not this person. I'm strong, and all I ever wanted in life is children and a husband. I found the man I want to marry and while I can't have my own children I thought I'd found a son. I lost one and I don't know how I'm supposed to marry his brother when things are like this now.
I wish I could walk away I wish the next time he came to me for something I could slam the door in his face but I can't. I'm a doormat, and that hurts. Where is the loyalty? I'm faithful to those I love and I'd never hurt someone like this ever. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[hvert]

Is there anyway you could book your own hotel room and avoid being trapped in a room with her? That just sounds like a recipe for misery.

[Haunted1]

I really can't afford my own room.