Didn't Get the Support I Needed

I am currently separated from my husband of 13 years. As each month goes by, I find myself getting more angry at issues. For instance, on the evening when we were initially dating and I disclosed my molestation history, his response was, "great, now you've ruined the evening." As we were on our way out to dinner. That devastated me. Several months later before being married, I was assaulted and raped while out jogging one morning in the daylight. I chose not to tell my husband to be based upon his response to the molestation. I feel as thought I have a lot of built up anger towards him because he did not acknowlege me in a decent, healthy manner nor did I feel as though I could approach him about the rape. I am getting ready to file for divorce for a myriad of other reasons. Does anyone think I should discuss these issues with him or just drop them? Thank you very much.

Hi Brookester --

I hope you have someone closer to the relationship to talk this over with or a therapist.

When my mate of 15 years left me, he could not hear anything I wanted to say, so trying to say it added to my stress.

However, when my husband and I broke up many years before that relationship, we remained friendly, and we were able to say a lot to each other in the aftermath.

So I would have to say that it is going to depend on your situation.

Sometimes it helps to write what we can't say -- and write it out as often and in as many different ways as it takes to get it all out. Talking about it with a therapist and friends also can be helpful if the X is emotionally unavailable.

I think some of the problem is that he's not with you anymore so you can't vent at all, there's no one to "hear" your complaints about him. That always makes me angrier and feeling more helpless, not having anyone to say things to to get them off my chest. Wants2Fly has some good ideas with journaling and seeing a therapist. I'd get some counselling if I could but otherwise give up your insensitive ex-husband as a "lost cause."