why do i feel this way and how can i move on?

first i would to apoligize this will be a little lengthy. i am 25 years old and have been with my boyfriend for five and half years, hes thirty now. back in jan he broke up with me saying he wanted space to figure himself and his situation out, that he wasnt happy nor could he make me happy if he wasnt happy himself. the breakup torn me apart completely. i couldn't eat or sleep or think or anything but him and what he was doing. i ended up loosing twenty lbs in less than a month.
throughout the breakup he still contacted me everyday even though i told him it was just making things worse on me. i went to counseling but it didn't much help. the person iw as seeing was simply telling me to get over it and move on, and as much as i tried i couldn't. during the breakup he explained this girl was trying to hit on him and get with him, but he told her no he still had feelings for me and told her to stop talking to him ( he said he basically called her a slut and he doesn't mess with sluts) the fact that he told me this bothered me but i should be happy that he said no. but im not.
almost two months after the breakup my boyfriend and i decided to get back togther and see where things would go. we both said we would take things slow, within minutees of saying this he immedatly was saying how much he loved and missed me. for the first couple of weeks things seemed to get better. but now for some reason its like i can't stop thinking that hes doing something shady. before he broke up with me i trusted him completely, after the breakup to now i don't trust him at all. i will constantly unconscienly ask him what hes doing on his phone and the internet/ facebook ( he can't put down his phone for more than five minutes at time and it drives me insane) he gets frustated but alwasy tells me or shows me what hes doing/ talking to etc...but i still can't shake the feeling that i can't trust him. the biggest thing is i think more stuff happened with the girl previously mentioned that hes not telling me, anytime i asked what exactly was said back and forth he gets crazy mad and will never explain. its driving me insane i want to believe in what he said was true, that nothing happened, but something in my gut tells me something did, but i'll never know unless he tells me and everytime i ask he yells starts a fight and never explains. i feel so depressed and angry i can't let it go and thats its going to ruin things now
all these feelings are intensified right now because i am moving out of my parents house for the first time into my own place, not with my boyfriend, and its very stressful. im happy and very sad about the move and then thats mixed with all these back and forth emotions about our relationship makes my head want to explode. i feel like i am going to ruin this second chance for a relationship with him when i don't want to. i want things to be good. but i can't help what i feel and think and all he says is to calm down and stop thinking like that. he says hes loves me and wants to be with me, but how can i believe him when he said the same stuff before breaking up. can anyone help me stop feeling like this and just be happy again?

I would seriously consider counseling. Even couples counseling might be a option, to get things back on track.

You're still really young. He broke up with you the first time. I think the most important thing would be to forget about him, and make new friends, do new activities, and seek out nice guys to date. When you fill your life with new things and new people, and hopefully those who care about you, your link to this guy will lessen and fade. Replace him with other things, better things. While you are still young.

Thank you for the advice

I'm not sure breaking up is the right thing, actually. On the one hand, I can definately see how you'd feel he had done something 'shady' during the time you were together (I think that's natural) although, I'm curious....does he have the same suspicions about you? Has he ever voiced concern that you might have done something with someone else, or does he assume you didn't? I also can imagine, if he didn't do anything at all, his getting pretty fed up with the accusations, even if they aren't outright voiced, but winnowed in with leading questions.

In any case, I'd err on the side of caution--yes, you are young, but you have invested a great deal of time in this relationship to just walk away now. I, too, recommend couples counselling---sit down with your bf and have a heart to heart...acknowledge that you have been feeling insecure lately, and remind him that the break up was very difficult for you. Suggest both of you see a counsellor as a way for you to overcome these concerns...try to make it sound as proactive as possible, so he doesn't have any inclination to go on the defensive.

Once both of you get an objective ear, from someone who is familiar with this type of situation, I think both of you will feel better about what you'll want to do going forward with this relationship.

Take care

You are worried about ruining this 2nd chance. He didn't give you a 2nd chance; you gave him a 2nd chance. He has given you very good reason to suspect that he is not truly in love with you. It has nothing to do with the girl who came on to him. It has to do with his lack of feeling for you.

This guy is not looking to settle down. He's over 30 years old and he's been seeing you for 5 years . . . . and he had to leave you to have space and think. I don't think you can possibly feel trustful of his love, regardless of even if he is not texting or calling anyone else. It's him who would have to be very persuasive to convince you.

I don't believe everything was fine between you two before he took that break to clear his head. In your heart, you know that too. You are very much in love, and he is not. That's what your gut is telling you, and it's an awful thing to feel. I'm sorry you're going through this hurt. I believe you are very hurt that this relationship is not where you hoped it would be. You probably have been making the best of a bad situation for a long time. Finally, he tested you in a cruel way. This is not the behavior of a man in love.

You may have to face that this is not a relationship that you really want. Again, it has nothing to do with other women. It has to do with him not needing you anywhere as much as you need him. That's an awful tough situation to be in.

It is easy to question the coincidences of the break up combined with the timing of the interested other woman, the one that didn't pan out. Her showing interest, unrequited interest is a long stretch to the aforementioned given label.

As another poster mentioned, revisiting therapy is a decent step. Trust comes down to, his leaving your sense of security for a future, uncertain. His entertaining new love interests seemingly quick. And your sense that it's you, getting a second chance, not him. Gives him, the power play/upper hand.

Find other sources of meaning in your life. Ask yourself, what makes him the end all and be all of your universe.

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to answer your question of suspicions of me, yes he has voiced them throughout our relationship from the begining. right before we offically began dating i made him aware that at the time i was talking/ dating another guy but it wasn't offical. i told him up front so it wasn't like i was hiding or lying about it. but then once he and i became offical he has questioned me and thought i was/ had been cheating which is completely bogus and untrue. i have never and would never cheat no matter whom i was with. but from then on up until even now he will accuse me of cheating. which i think is ridiculus because i told him before we were even dating the situation he knew what he was getting into and we went even together. but i have dealt with it because i do love him but nothing i do to prove im not doing anything with someone else has ever been good enough. i am sure he is getting tired of me bringing things up if he hasn't done anything but also in reality he has done the same thing and made me for awful about myself about the mentioned before us situation for the last five years and i have only been saying and asking thingd for less than a month, how can he really get mad about it, and really now he knows somewhat of how hes been treaing me for the last five years when i have done nothing.

i have suggested multiple times for us to get counseling together and each time he refuses, hes says it will not help anything and they are just going to tell you their opinion and he doesn't need it, he knows what they are going to say...etc. i have told how i feel about all of it, that the breakup itself made me question everything including his feeling for me and simply the trust i had built up and what he needs to do to change and make it better. the only response i get for expressing any type of felling or concern is anger and he telling me to stop being emo. his way of solving problems is to ignore them, even though i keep telling him thats not going to fix or make anything better.

its very frustrating becasue he acts so childish, and im really at a loss as to what to think or say or do. nothing i do makes him really take things seriously. if i left him he probably wouldn't care too much to see it as a sign that he needs to get his self together. when i was in councelling i was told this is emotionally abuse and i beleive it. i hate that i feel this way all the time and im the one putting in all the effort to change myself for the better and hes not.

before him i was never this way with guys, if a guy wasn't treating me the way i wanted i would move on no problem not sure why this is so hard. i think councelling would really help but how can i get him to go too? how can i love someone who doesn't really show any regard for how i feel and makes commits such " all girls are stupid they just want the stupid s**t like flowers and to cuddle its all stupid and doesn't matter" which then i take as something against me because little things like that are what i want becasue he never does them. he wasn't always like this he used to do those kinds of things for me now im lucky if i even get two words said to me because hes constantly on his phone for facebook, ebay, basically anything almost to ignore me.

By now, your boyfriend knows good and well that you do not cheat. He throws that out just to have something to say. He is the one who is not committed to the relationship. He knows that, but he wants to put it on you.

For him to break up with you for 2 months for no reason, other than he needed time to think, shows that he is not whole heartedly committed. I don't think all the counseling in the world can make him feel what he doesn't feel. If he left you for 2 months to be with someone else, that would be awful, but it would not really be any worse than what he did do. He left you for 2 months to be with nobody. To me that says he would rather be with nobody than be with you.

So he came back, like he was doing you a favor. And he thinks romance is all "stupid." I don't think too many women would put up with him. You will, so my guess is he's going to stick around you. And he is going to test you to see just how much crap you will tolerate. That disappearance for 2 months was a test. You passed with flying colors because you thought you were lucky to get him back. Now he knows he's got you wrapped around his finger. You are in for a heck of a life with this guy. I'm sorry for you. It might be good for you to get some counseling just for yourself. You might explore why you are willing to settle for this.

Losing so much weight shows that you are mentally dependent on him in a way that is not healthy. Why you would be with a guy like this is really a big question. He is no prize. You were already told that what he does to you is emotional abuse. That person saw what was going on. You are with a guy who is not a loving person. No counselor can make him into one.

At age 25, you have your whole life ahead of you. If you dump him, you will be very lonely for awhile. The pain will feel bad, but it will be temporary. If you stay with him, which I believe you will, you are in for a lifetime of loneliness and mini-rejections that will come everyday. Maybe when that gets you discouraged enough, you will remember what I am telling you. He doesn't have the capacity to be the man you want him to be. It's not his fault. He is what he is. Things in his past probably made him that way. You know his history from childhood. You already probably know what led to him being this way. Maybe that's why you tolerate this stuff. You think you can love him into being what you want him to be. It doesn't work that way. What you see now is what you get.

Hasn't any of your family or friends told you the same thing? I know it's hard to hear. Maybe you are coming from a background where you were not treated very well, so you think there is nothing better out there. I'm sorry for you giving so much and getting back so little. One day you will ask yourself, "Why did I accept this?"

I agree with pretty much everything here. Although it may not have anything to do with other women, there is something lacking in his commitment and one of the first things I thought of was also that this cannot be something new or a sudden change. That this relationship was a bandaided, patched up situation before this happened and this just forced it to the forefront of things. but... what bothers me even more..

Ok so, he broke up with you. He chose to walk away even if it were temporary at this point, he was free to do whatever. Why, with his ex would he feel the need to amplify his faithfulness to you after he'd already broken up with you? Soemthing about this seems questionable. I mean, part of me is thinking it looks manipulative somehow. I don't know exactly what it is but it makes no sense.

The idea that he basically called her a slut because she simply hit on him? I can understand your questioning what went on by how adamantly he reflected this to you. Almost as though he was overemphasizing to minimize something else... I wouldn't write off that nothing happened either. I can completely understand your perspective.

Coupled with his reaction to your asking details and how upset he gets about it... doesn't seem to point to innocence to me.

I could be wrong, but it just doesn't sit well with me.

99.9% of the time wat yr gut is telling u is true!!