Circling the drain...

Don't know what to do. My bf and I have been together a little over a year. He hates my job with the fire of a thousand suns. This has always been the case but it's getting worse it's like ky being away at work is permission for him to be controlling and down right mean. I went Friday night and had dinner and a few beers out which I rarely do. I dropped my phone in the bathroom a male DJ answered it to try to find the owner. As soon as I got the phone back he called screaming accusing me of cheating and wanting to know why I was in a bar without telling him (asking his permission). This type of screaming is common these days and I didn't feel up to it so I hung up and turned the phone off. Since then it's been all out war. I've been called a cheater, a liar, a *****, a junkie, a user (despite being the only one with a job), a *****. Everything about how I'm hurting him. I don't know what to do. It's been strained for awhile but it's taken a nose dive in the last few days. I hate this feeling.

Are you asking for advice?

If so, end the relationship. He is becoming more abusive and he probably says it is your fault for making him angry.

A good relationship has a foundation of trust and respect. Your relationship has neither.

You called it. Everything is my fault. Nothing I do or say is right.

But you know that isn't true, in a relationship no one person is at fault, there is enough blame to go around.

I think it's time to find a new boyfriend.

What is keeping you in this relationship, veiledregret?

That kind of treatment is emotional abuse. Move on. It won't get better unless he wants help. Find someone who will appreciate you and your ability to hold down a job.

I stay because he's the only person who will date me in spite of my job. He hates it but he's willing to stick around. There's also the sad fact that I can't think of too many relationships in my life that aren't like this. It seems to be the only men attracted to me behave this way. I keep trying because I'm teriffied I'll end up alone.

You've listed every reason to leave this abusive man and then some.

But left no clue as to why it is you've bothered to stay...

I stayed, I thought love would conquer all, that we could work through his anger blah blah blah... what actually happend eventually is that he worked through his anger via his fists.

But I wasn't smart like you, I never spoke up, or voiced my concerns to anyone about his behaviour. Nobody approved of our relationship, and I didn't wanna give them anymore ammo, who knows, maybe if I did I would've avoided those blue eyes and bruised ribs.

Look, even if he never beats you to a pulp, the crux of the matter is that what he's doing now is unacceptable, you deserve better, its non negotiable.

Ok, let me place it, this way. Men like this a D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S.

But don't take it from me....leaving them is even more so. Having children with these types, compounds everything.

My ex, is a water pot boiling, at the moment.......a walking, ticking time bomb.

Run first, ask why he's like this later.

Rationalizing his behavior,,won't resolve this. (sorry you are very mistreated, resolve why your bleeding heart subjugated to him before involvement with others)

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The part I bolded is the part I want to address first...

IMO, that's not a good enough reason to stay with him. Has he no redeeming qualities to balance out his abusive behaviour beyond the fact that he "sticks" around?

Its sad yes that most of your relationships have been as bad as this one, but its not just these men that are attracted to you, it would seem that you are attracted to them too.

He's not the only man that will date you, that's a blatant lie, and you should stop telling it to yourself.

Please don't settle for anything less than you deserve because you're terrified of ending up alone. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of the type of job you choose to have.

And if your job is negatively influencing the type of men you're choosing, then maybe, just maybe it's time to look into a different vocation... One that will serve you positively on all fronts.

I honestly think you would benefit from some therapy, you seem very lost and a bit too comfortable with being treated like shyt... Someone needs to teach you how to regain your self-worth, and exploring why you have such shytti taste in men won't hurt either, it will hopefully teach you how to choose better partners in future...
I think a Therapist is a good someone to help with this.

You deserve the good things in life, don't let self-deprecation, fear and abusive men tell you any different.

As stupid as I'm sure this sounds therapy isn't really an option. Keeping appointments is impossible with my job. Their appointments are the only ones that have to be kept. My poor taste in men predates the job though. They always seem different at first and then they're the same and all I can do is kick myself for falling for it again. I'm tired of looking. The devil you know and all that.

The devil you know type thinking didn't serve me well at all, but yes, I'm familiar with the mindset.

I have a standing appointment with my T, and I live and work around it...

Is that not something you're willing to do?
Dedicate an hour a week to an appointment that will have longterm benefits for you?

I mean if you know exactly what time your appointment is, you can schedule their appointments around yours no?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be pushy, I just want better for you, and for some reason even though idk you, I strongly want YOU to want better for you.

Leave him.

You know you should leave him, so why don't you do it. Its obvious.

I can't schedule anything. I barely made it home for court a few weeks ago. I literally live at work. Right now I'm 1400 miles from home. Tomorrow I'll be 1800. With my education and disposition this is the best paying job I can hope to get. My entire life is work. Everything revolves around that.

Question: Do you like your job? Seems like that's what'd matter most, considering it's your job. Sounds like you're over-worked. Sure hope you're compensated adequately for that. I have a job that is "balls-to-the-walls" for two weeks at a time, but I always get down time post burning the candle at both ends...
I had a partner once who hated my job... only because I made a dollar more an hour than him. Sexist and misogynistic, not to mention unsupportive... if you ask me.
Don't let your man and/or your job control your life. YOU are responsible for your own happiness, don't forget.

I am overworked, but I'm okay with it because I like the work and the pay is good. As for the guy I finally broke up with him this morning. He's been texting all say though alternately calling me names and begging me to reconsider. I think I need to stick to my guns on this one though. I can't live like that.

And, don't forget to be nice to yourself! You can do it.

Working very hard to do just that and to make it a high priority.

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I left him. I did the right thing. Why can't I stop myself from letting him continue to bait me into arguing? I'm getting to say a lot of things I couldn't before but I don't see what if anything positive will come from it.

I would just block his number and email addy...
The less drama the better, because you're still emotionally charged from the relationship as well as the break-up, so he's finding it very easy to bait you.

He needs to leave you alone. Whatever he wants to use to talk to you—it's too 'effing soon! Tell him: "Its too soon, dude. Can't rationally talk about it yet. Buzz off, please" Don't engage him. You can withstand.

I've set his calls to all go straight to voicemail and I'm deleting them and his texts without even finding out what they say. After the things he said and the way he treated me it will always be too soon. I can't think of a single reason to ever speak to him again. I got much needed kick in the pants from my best friend. No more, I've had enough.

He's using my need for answers and closure to keep hurting me. I have to give him that power and I've taken it back. No more, something is very wrong with him. That's all the closure I need.