Why should I go on ?

I just feel like I have nothing in my life to live for. My boyfriend is married and it will be several years before he can leave his wife. Of course I did not believe him at first and thought he was just stringing me alone but after my own extensive research I found that his estimation of the situation is correct.

To avoid having to pay alimony he will have to wait until she has completed her school and is gainfully employed. After which he can file for separation. The only way to obtain a no fault divorce in out state is a one year separation period in which you are basically still considered married so if you see someone else it could open up the possibility of your spouse charging adultery. I am an avid little researcher, I checked and double checked.

Then once the do get divorced he and I still cannot live together unless we are married. They have three children and for custody and vitiation he will not be allowed to live with someone that he is not married to because that is "an immoral environment" for the children.

So I am just like "what is the point" ? Why do I keep building this relationship that cannot get to the domestic place that I want for so long ? Will I even still want it after so much time has passed? I am just so desperately unhappy. Everyone says "just leave him" like it's a magical panacea but I know that I will still be unhappy in that event as well.

I do not know about the facts of divorce or separation. Maybe there are some other options for you to consider right now - instead of having to leave him, or live with him. Maybe just allow yourself some time to consider what's important to you, without putting pressure on yourself to make any huge decisions. And maybe plan some things for yourself, to take care of yourself, so that you will have things to live for.

To avoid paying alimony?

An immoral living environment?

Your boyfriend is a married man. And he's telling you, I presume, the only way you can live together is to get married yourselves? Which won't happen for a few years, so he can avoid alimony payments?

how often do you see him?

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Wanted to add. What's to live for? I'm sorry, you've gotten yourself into such a precarious situation. Placing value on life, dependent on a relationship status, seems too common, in this life. Is he really the center of the universe, and without him, the world ceases to exist? If he was that wonderful, everyone would worship him, in a pagan way.

One thing, missed,in research, i believe, well it's not listed. Called Alienation of Affection. His wife could sue you.

It's best to go into such relationships, especially with a confrontation avoidance type like he clearly is(cheaters typically are), with your eyes wide open.

Staying/Leaving, ugh, neither are panaceas.

Owning and Living your Truth is.

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You seem very unkind ? Why would you speak to a person who is clearly hurting this way? I thought this was a place for support and healing and I must say that you are being neither. What is exactly is MY truth that I should be owning and living ? Are my feelings wrong ? Feelings are neither right or wrong they simply are and we cope the best we can.

So sorry for your pain as I too am in a similar situation.

Take care of you.

I'm sorry you're hurting, and I certainly can understand why. I don't think Healing was intentionally trying to be cruel, although as your emotions are so hightened, I can see how you would feel that way. Of course, your feelings are valid.

My only question is what state has such stringent laws regarding divorce? I wish there was something I could say to help you thru this time, but just know I'm thinking of you, and wishing all good things your way

I live in South Carolina , divorce among other laws are archaic here. We still have blue laws, establishments may not sell alcohol on Sundays starting a 2am on Saturday night. Liquor stores may not advertise they are called ABC package stores or party stores. People that are not from here have a really hard time finding the liquor stores. Grocery stores may sell only beer and wine and stores that sell liquor must close a 7pm each night. Living here is like living in another decade.

Ahh, I see. I was raised in southern virginia (danville area) and remember blue laws, although I think some of the counties did away with them as it was so easy to jump from one county to another to buy alcohol on Sunday, and the stores started complaining they were losing business. I remember ABC stores too...was not aware of SC rather antiquated divorce laws although I gather Va. is similar in that one must be physically seperated for a year before the divorce--not sure about cohabitating with anyone during that time, tho.

I'd suggest you and he come to Nevada for the 6 wks residency required to divorce, but I gather there are other concerns. Again, I wish I could help. I truly do know what you're going thru. When you feel strong enough, take a long look at where you are, and where you want to be in 5 years. Once you decide where that is, then work for it. If you have an actual goal rather than an ethereal 'idea' of a goal, it's easier. Hard questions need to be asked, I know. Just trust yourself.

Take care.

Tuff situation. Is it possible to be "in the here and now" with him instead of looking so much into the future...now, he is taking the gamble... Let it play out.

I will say that many times when the man does become free...he really wants to be free to explore other things. (yes, it did happen in my life - ouch ouch ouch).

I'm unsure about the "Alienation of Affection. His wife could sue you." Is that worth it to you. I AM NOT PROMOTING CHEATING - but reality - sometimes marriages are over. If you trust he is telling you the truth. Good luck..."I am not casting any stones"