[LonelyLoser]

What I’m going through is really hard to explain. I’m 28 years old and at this point I feel like ending my life, I hate everything that my life represents. I feel so worthless. I have given up on my faith and my God (which is tearing me apart). I feel as if things will never get any better. It takes a lot out of me to make it through the day. I’m at the end of my rope. My problem may seem small compared to what someone else is going through but it hurts a lot. I’ve read some of your post and some of you are having problems in your relationships or you are getting a divorce but at least you had loved this person at some point. You know what it feels like to love and be loved. You see I’ve never been in a serious relationship and at 28 that is pretty pathetic. I have given up hope of ever finding that special someone, getting married or having children. Everyone around me seems so happy with their boyfriends, husband or family. I am sick of people pitying me. I’m sick of people making jokes about me never being in a relationship (a virgin). I feel so stupid telling this to you guys. If my family and friends ever knew I wrote to you it would be a big joke to them. Yes, I am an attractive person (people seem to think so). I have tried to establish a relationship with guys but I guess my personality sucks or I’m just doing something wrong. Anyway, I just wanted to tell someone how I felt. It’s hard talking to me family and friends about this.

[(JD)]

Welcome to psychcentral lonely... sorry to hear how desperate you are. I understand, especially about God.

If giving up God, and the desires for love and family makes you feel better, than go with it, but I sense that you really don't wish to do that.

IMHO I think you also don't wish to end your life, but to end the way your life is now. At this age you CAN make changes, and you post shows that you are ready to do so.

You might want some professional help to guide you on your path... someone who allows your belief in God, because that will become important again.

Come back and post often, you will find many caring ppl here.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[darkeyes]

You say you feel stupid telling us this? Please do not feel that way, that is what this place is for, for people to come and talk, and get support if possible. At 28 y.o. do not feel so badly that you haven't gotten in a serious relationship, believe it or not you are still young, I have a cousin that had been married, was abused, got divorced. A few years later at 35 y.o. she met a nice guy and got married, they are going on their 2nd child, she miscarried with her very first one, things worked for her. Our niece, found someone but was single a long time, traveled throughout the world, met a guy she orignally met here in the states that was from Brazil, she met him down there after a few years that she had seen him in Brazil while she was working as a language teacher on Colombia, she contacted him and he had her get out of Colombia and move in by him with his parents, before you know it they were engaged and got married here in the US and are living in the US, he gave up his citzenship in Brazil.
The point I want to make is maybe changing living locations can also change or increase the chances of meeting up with someone that shares interests, cultures or not cultures but are willing to enjoy the differences, etc. And I do not know how close you are to your parents ( as a family) but maybe moving away geogrphically from them may make your life better, family can be great and yet sometimes be bummers to be around. Think of yourself pnly and things that will make you happy, other than relationships, once getting into a happier frame of mind, you then may be able to feel less pressured and relax, and that "special someone" may be right around the corner (I don't mean that literally) you never know, he just may be not too far.
Just my 2 cents

I wish you the best, please take care.

DE

PS all this is NOT worth ending it all, so stick around, okay? If you feel this horrible feeling then please contact your local mental health dept or behavioural health dept at a local hospital, talk to a therapist perhaps, it couldn't hurt you know.
Just don't exit from this world, there is time and places to see.

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[dexter]

Hi lonely, I know how you feel.

I'm 42 and never loved someone that loved me back... never had anyone love me in fact, and also never been in a relationship.

Don't feel shy posting this, I've already posted details here concerning the above. This is a place of trust and support.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[rubyred]

OK, you are thinking about doing something that ends the pain. But you must remember that what you are considering is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem.

Let that sink in for now.

My twenties were a nightmare. I was confused, unloved, lost, lonely, wondering where I went wrong, had a family who made me feel like a loser, etc.

So I moved away. Far away to a different place with different people. Believe it or not, it worked. My thirties were hilarious. Full of fun, romance and adventure. Because I didn't have a telephone, and couldn't listen to the criticism. You would be surprised what a difference THAT makes. I mean I DELIBERATELY did not have a telephone. And when I had a boyfriend, my family knew nothing. I told them nothing. I realized that every time I told them something, I gave them an opportunity to "get" me. So that all ended.

By the time I did get a telephone, they had developed a new appreciation for me, because I wasn't there and available, so they transferred their criticism to some other poor family member.

This is all I can offer you. My personal experience. You have the power to act. Get up and start exercising to get your blood circulating. Get your body moving so you can start making plans to change your life. Obviously, whatever you're doing now isn't working. So do something else. Completely and totally different.

Best wishes and good luck.

Choices, it's all about choices.

Lonely - Therapy helps for many reasons. One of which is that it gives you practice in developing relationships. It also let's you bounce ideas off someone who is non-judgemental and supportive. He/she can even help with those little love life questions, such as - should I try acting friendly or just wait for him to do something? am I moving too fast? Therapy isn't just for "crazy" people. It also helps people just learn how to handle life issues too.

Ruby - you are a genius! I just unplugged my phone. And I am now making plans to break into my father's house and steal his modem. Ha...no more emails.

He's in his late 70's....it'll take him days to notice. ;-)

Emmy


"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

[dexter]

rubyred

that is a great story. i am glad it worked for you, but that isn't as important as making the effort, taking charge of your life, taking responsibility for your life, and doing what you had to in order to improve it.

I don't think it is strange at all to not have a telephone for exactly the reasons you mention. I have a phone but prefer to do most of my correspondence via email, less stressful for me to deal with.

Like you say in your sig:

It's all about choices. I believe that. I believe that it is ALWAYS about choices.

And I'll up you one:

Follow your bliss.

Thanks for posting.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[richardsfault]

When I was a college student who had just turned 21, I had very low self esteem and thought no girl would ever want me. I had a male friend who was the opposite of me in thinking that he was God's gift to women. Several times he introduced me to his "interest de jour", and in one case it turned out that she was interested in me! She dropped a few hints that I completely missed because I was sure she wouldn't want me.

In desperation, she called to ask me out, which was unheard of in 1980, on a movie date. I had the good sense to see the light. We have been married 22 years, and have 3 children. The oldest in now in college himself!

At the time, I felt like the luckiest SOB alive, and thought that I would never suffer from low self esteem again. I was wrong about that.

Marrying the "one and only" young creates its own set of problems. However, I believe that it was better to take her then and there rather than wait for the "right time". I have no regrets.