cheated on AGAIN!!!!!!!

I am a 27 year old woman who is always cheated on in all my relationships. I have difficulty understanding why this keeps happening to me because I am a smart, attractive, loving person who would do anything for her man. Just recently my boyfriend and I split up. I'm really struggling right now because of it. We were only together for a year, but we've been through a lot during that time, such as living together since the day we met, pregnancy, abortion, and him getting laid off from his job, just to name a few. I found out he cheated on me for several months with a girl from his past that he said he loved. I actually heard from her that he bought her an engagement ring, but he denies it. For some reason, like a fool, I kept taking him back. He cried to me and begged me not to leave him, which made me think maybe he cared more than I thought he did. But I can't look at him the same anymore. I want to believe what he tells me, but it's hard to do. I need some advice on how I can cope with these feelings because they're constant and they distract me from everyday things. And I want to know why these patterns keep repeating themselves in my life. Prayer helps, but it doesn't make me hopeful for my future, because afterall, my future was supposed to include him, and now it's empty!

I can imagine how hard that must feel, especially after all that you've gone through. It's not easy to leave a relationship of any length, and people can become very close in a very short amount of time. This is actually a bad thing, because it often means that the two people aren't really approaching the relationship realistically or holding anything back for themselves. Then, when the initial intimacy turns sour, it feels like betrayal because of how close it seemed.

You need to first realize that if he cheated on you once and doesn't seek out help for it, either by himself or with you in couples counseling, he's not likely to change on his own accord. Men who cannot be faithful in a relationship have a fundamental difference than the women they have a relationship with. This person takes for granted your love, your trust, and your desire to be respected. When you take him back, you're in effect saying, "I forgive you, but I'm also showing you that you can walk over me and lie to me about the very foundation of what's important in this relationship." Not a good message to be sending, even though I know you don't mean to.

It's going to be hard over the next few weeks and months, and nobody can take away the pain, betrayal and loneliness you will feel. You are a special person, however, and deserve someone better, someone who will recognize you are too good of a woman to cheat on.

John

Dear you are so young to waste your time with a guy like this, you deserve better than this. Have you thought of talking to a counselor? They really can be of help at a time like this, sometimes better than a friend or family because they are unbias towards you and your partner. Don't lose hope, look up a therapist and see if you can get an appt. soon it may help you get yourself settled, and why you tend to repeat the patterns you question about yourself and relationships. Let us know how things go, take care.
"darkeyes"