HUSBAND CHEATED!

I don't know where to start...
I could never imagine that my husband would do this, especially with my sister. The problem is I can't feel anything. I want so bad to cry. How can I when I can't even grasp the fact that it happened. I know that people go into shock about things, but this is different. When I found out I couldn't breathe. Two minutes later I was laughing and singing. Then I could feel it being taken away from me. I hate that!!! How am I suppose to make a decision when I can't even feel anything? I could so easily stay because nothing is there to make me want to leave. As my T would always tell me, "think about how you're feeling". All I can do is try and it's not working. By the way, I don't have a T anymore.

Wow, melmac, for as desperately uncomfortable as you must feel right now, the longer you can stay in the saddle with this before acting, the more informed your action will be when you do act.

With no T, it's probably especially good to stay in touch here, to sound this out for yourself.

I think part of it is, when confronted with out of the blue infidelity, it is immediately apparent that it isn't what you thought it would be, and it's not quite clear what it is at first. It doens't mean the same thing for any two people. It's important to take the time and spend the energy it takes to at least understand what it means in your case.

For what you're describing today, that's what I would offer. On another day, I might suggest the next bus outta town, but not while you are describing such an important cross roads of conciousness.

melmac, the evening that i found out my husband was cheating, i hosted a dinner party for my birthday....i went on just as if nothing was amiss.......i probably didn't feel much for about a week. we all respond differently...keep coming here and we'll try to help you through this.......pat

Hi melmac

I'm very sorry you're going through this.

I know this kind of feeling you describe very well. I was married for over 10years and with my high school (sweetheart) for 15years.

I loved him with everything I had. When he cheated on me with my cousin, who happened to be my flower girl way back in 1991 when I had gotten married. She was obviously now not a child no more.

Anyways, I turned numb. Was like my world stopped.

We had problems in our marriage. I didn't know where to turn. I needed to figure out how and why.

I went and read this book by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Adultery, The fogivable Sin. At this point I didn't know what my decision was or what I was going to do, but I needed to make sense of things.

I read this book in one night and I actually called this Dr. I looked up her # and I spoke to her. Went to therapy with her for almost 2 years.

This book helped me a lot. It may help you.

If you need anything pm me anytime.

I hope that you can hopefully get some peace of mind quickly and some relief from the pain I know your in. That will only come with time...solving the problem and a lot of healing.

Please take good care

Eva

Isn't it funny how feelings are so hard to put into words. The problem is that I know, logically that I care, and I know that somewhere inside I am crying and hurting, but in front of me is a part that doesn't even care. I'm trying so hard to fight it off.

I didn't really mention that I put these feelings away, but I couldn't deal with them at that moment. Now I can't get them back.

I remember feeling as if my world just stopped.. I felt nothing ... everyone else was living and I wasn't. Everything was muffled...it was just "white noise".

And yes I know that feeling of putting them away cuz you just can't deal and now you can't get them back ..More happened with my story ..and unfortunately ...I haven't gotten anything back. I did from that situation, but unfortunately I am not the same it's as if a switch has been turned off...

Like a fuse blew, but can't be fixed.

BUT ... this is because of very different circumstances. I did work out my situation prior ...the one that i explained in my prior reply.

I'm just saying yes ... i do understand and can relate to your feelings and I'm so sorry you are going through this... really I am.

melmac, i'm so sorry! the feelings will come back when you can handle them. they're too much right now probably. i did this same exact thing with a horirble event with my daughter. i was acting/doing all the right things for her and everyone. i even mentioned to a professional at the time what was happening and she said, "they'll be there...soon." she was right...oh boy.

know they'll be back when they can be handled. in the meantime, you might want to prepare yourself for when they come. have a plan for self care? plan what you're going to do to allow yourself to feel? maybe know that you can spend a couple of days in bed, set up ppl to call, etc.

please keep safe and let us know.

kd

I agree with what kimmy said... b/c that's also what happened w/me with what I had mentiond with finding out about my cousin/husband.

The thing I also remember is ..being that he cheated with my cousin ..it's a lot more to digest.

Given the circumstances for you ..it's so much to digest and that's another reason why you are feeling the way you are. It's just too much to digest all at once.

Like kimmy says it's good to set yourself up with some supports.

I know where you are....and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. For a while, I went numb (especially when I knew *for sure*). Then I was ill. Then I cried.......and cried........and cried.

I agree with the others, when you are ready, you'll feel. Try to get your ducks in a row now...because when those emotions hit, they will hit hard (at least they did for me).

Good luck and I'm sorry this happened.

I don't know how to help you here. I never went thru this. Just want you to know I'm here for you & sending you big hugs if you want them.
Love,
RhysMadison

How are you feeling today? Pat

I'm SO sorry this happened to you, mel. Please keep yourself safe...go to the ER if you feel like you can't.
Safe hugs if you want them:

((((((((((((((((mel)))))))))))))))))))