[asheepywolf]

Hey, I was told to post here after posting in the new comers section.honestly all I want is someone to tell me I'm gonna be ok..heres part of the story that I had posted earlier, I'm doing this from my phone so it's kind of a hassle at times.

Hello, my name is Michael. I am here because I am very depressed, lonely, confused and somewhat insensate right. To start I'll say that I have just gotten separated from my wife 3 days before our 4 year wedding anniversary. We have a 3 year old daughter, her name is Allura. We have been separated twice before and while we were she slept with another man. We got back together and tried to work on our issues, and believe me I am not saying I'm an angel. you see I met her in high school, it was actually through her sister had a crush on me.other and nothing ever went from there and it wasn't until a few years later when I was actually 21 years old when we connected.at the time I was actually addicted to drugs and living a very very crazy and unhealthy healthy lifestyle. After about a year of meeting her I got clean, off the hard stuff anyways but I could never be sober all the time. I always had to have a little bit of something, which of course my wife didn't like, she has tried a few things but doesn't use drugs. Which is one of the reasons she left...and she slept with another man..I love her so much. I made a promise to quit everything to have her and said that I would forgive her and do whatever it takes to make it work...but now I'm not so sure. I have my failings but I've never been unfaithful to her, and I am great father, at least that's what I've been told. I don't have any friends anymore, and no family really either( that's a whole seperate chapter in the very...Well let's just say my life has been chaos from the day I was born). Anyways I'm using my phone tho do this and its about to die.I'm really just looking for someone to talk too..Thanks for reading.

[bluekoi]

Hello asheepywolf, I would be happy to chat with you anytime I'm on line.

[asheepywolf]

Alright I'm here now. I woke up today, not really any better or stronger than I was yesterday. I feel like my soul is caving in.

[asheepywolf]

I have my daughter with me right now, but I think my wife should be here in the next few hours tho get her.I don't know how I will be able to sit in this house alone..

[asheepywolf]

My response don't seem to be showing up.

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[asheepywolf]

Oh, there it worked.I got the tapapp thing.. anyways I just saw my wife, she came to get out daughter and take her to the pool. She was so beautiful, but I've always thought that, I've just never been the type of person who speaks alot. Even though she slept with another man,I still want to be with her...am I crazy for thinking this?

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[justmebymyself]

Hi Michael,
I'm new here too.
On April 6, after over 10 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, my husband told me that he didn't think he loved me anymore. We have been through a lot since then. I wanted to do ANYTHING to get him back. But instead I went to a therapist and started working on myself. In the past two months, I have become a much stronger person. About a week ago, my hubby said he really does love me. But instead of running back to him, I basically told him he needs to prove it, not say it. He has also been working constantly (up to 18 hrs a day) for the past two months, so I haven't even seen him much.
On April 9, my mom was diagnosed with Lymphoma and has been going through treatment. I have been going to her appointments with her and this only adds to my stress.
On Sunday, my husband was fired from his job for no reason at all. Now I feel like I have to support him and make sure all the bills are paid. More stress.
I am on meds for depression and anxiety, but I still cry a lot. I try to be happy when I can, but some days it is just too hard. I hate being lonely. I know how it feels. I think going to therapy on my own and working on myself- trying to be more independent, happier, less stressed, etc- has really helped me a lot.

[justmebymyself]

I also want to say that I have to make myself get off the couch sometimes or even get up in the morning and go to work. I started planting gardens in my yard this year and will spend my time outside whenever I can. I find peace being outside and knowing that I am making a difference, even if it isn't a big difference. I am making my yard look nicer- fewer weeds, more flowers. If you can find something easy that you like to do and then make yourself do it, that might help too.

[asheepywolf]

Wow...You have been through alot too. I just made an apt to see a therapist today but it won't be until next week, I don't have the money to go see a paid for prof.therapist so I did the only thing I could and sought help locally. My wife and I have pretty much always had financial stress.We both come from very..absent families( and about of other bad words here) and on top of that we both made poor choices before we got together. But we have come up from nothing, we may not have much but it is something. We have a beautiful, happy, and very intelligent daughter. My biggest fault in her eyes was the fact that I could never be sober, and when I say this I mean in the since that I drank and smoked, but I never drank more than 2-4 beers(at most 4) a night, and that wasn't every night. It was like, say if we were going to the park or the movies I'd have to do something before we went..which I know now is not ok. It's been five years since being sober from hard drug addiction but I could never stand being sober in my own skin, I'm seeing help for that. She doesn't justify that her sleeping with another man is ok but she says that helped pushed her to it. I know I can be completely sober, it's been 5 days now and I've had nothing besides cigs..but I don't know how I should feel about her anymore..I love her, I mean I would die for her, and 3 years ago I almost did(another long story) but that being said,I do know that I'm pretty good looking,a little on the scrawny side but I was a 3 month pre mature birth so I've had severe asthma issues, didn't even really hot puberty until I was 21 in my opinion. I also know that I have amazing potential but I never live up to it and I haven't figured that one out yet...I am just so confused right now.thank you so much for talking to me, out means the world to me.

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[asheepywolf]

Btw if my spelling or words come off weird its because I'm using my phone, and don't always SP, please look past it, I actually pride myself for my literacy and grammar.

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[asheepywolf]

Oh, and I'm also very sorry for the loss of your mother, my mother died from bone marrow cancer about a month ago. I was never really close with her, but even after all the evil things she did it still hurt so I can't even imagine what it's like to lose someone close to you like that. Keep being strong justbemyself. It gives me hope.

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[asheepywolf]

Sorry I misread, and it won't let never edit for some reason. I am sorry for your mothers condition and I really do hope it improves.

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[asheepywolf]

Originally Posted by justmebymyself

Hi Michael,
I'm new here too.
On April 6, after over 10 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, my husband told me that he didn't think he loved me anymore. We have been through a lot since then. I wanted to do ANYTHING to get him back. But instead I went to a therapist and started working on myself. In the past two months, I have become a much stronger person. About a week ago, my hubby said he really does love me. But instead of running back to him, I basically told him he needs to prove it, not say it. He has also been working constantly (up to 18 hrs a day) for the past two months, so I haven't even seen him much.
On April 9, my mom was diagnosed with Lymphoma and has been going through treatment. I have been going to her appointments with her and this only adds to my stress.
On Sunday, my husband was fired from his job for no reason at all. Now I feel like I have to support him and make sure all the bills are paid. More stress.
I am on meds for depression and anxiety, but I still cry a lot. I try to be happy when I can, but some days it is just too hard. I hate being lonely. I know how it feels. I think going to therapy on my own and working on myself- trying to be more independent, happier, less stressed, etc- has really helped me a lot.

if you read my thread,I misread your post and I'm not very good at "social networking" I guess, I'm really computer savvy, I've just never been into talking to people through the internet, besides for gaming. I always thought it was kind of odd but now I find out it is one of the things that is helping me most.

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[3xjj]

Originally Posted by asheepywolf

at the time I was actually addicted to drugs and living a very very crazy and unhealthy healthy lifestyle. After about a year of meeting her I got clean, off the hard stuff anyways but I could never be sober all the time. I always had to have a little bit of something, which of course my wife didn't like, she has tried a few things but doesn't use drugs. Which is one of the reasons she left...and she slept with another man..I love her so much. I made a promise to quit everything to have her and said that I would forgive her and do whatever it takes to make it work...

I understand what its like to love someone so much you feel like you can't breathe or live without them. Its horrible. However, having been involved with several addicts/alcoholics, I know that it isn't possible for someone with a drug or alcohol problem to be truly emotionally available or intimate as long as you are using... anything. I think if you address your drug problem first, by going to some support groups and getting clean, you will be in a much better place. It seems your wife is looking for something she's missing. If you get clean, she may feel differently towards you. Recovery = OK.

[asheepywolf]

For some reason my last thread didn't show. I understand you completely 3xjj, I don't use hard drugs, and I drink very little,4 beers at most in a night and that wasn't every day, but it was more of the fact that if I couldn't smoke or have a drink sometime in a day I'd be..well an asshole, but I was also very attentive to her, I show my love physically,I'm not very shown about how I feel. And she would complain but she never told me it bothered her that much, , it's been 5 days completely sober and I'm seeing a therapist next week to work on myself

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Hi asheepywolf, I've never been in a relationship in my entire life, so please take what I saw with an extra dose of salt. Hopefully I don't say something accidentally hurtful from my inexperience. I felt I could connect with perhaps the situation with your daughter? I'm still relatively young. My parents broke up when I was 5 after a 6 year relationship, and I remember my father made all the wrong mistakes. I didn't know it at the time, but I was so sad to see him suffering. I just wanted him to be happy, with or without my mom. At first he spent much time alone and was very depressed, and then he started up a relationship with a woman. Thankfully the woman was very kind and got him onto his feet, and even got him to go back and visit us often. It was good to see him happy and more sober. It would have been better if he had started attending therapy, and kept close with some positive friends. What if he got with the wrong person or friends? He was being very dependent on others at the time, which was totally understandable. Thankfully, he did start being with good friends and got on better terms with my mother.

But his loneliness kicked in and he flew straight back into my mother's arms without any requirements or questions from either side. Bad mistake. I had been okay with them breaking up. I understood, although sad, and I knew I would get through it. I couldn't stand them fighting, however. Maybe this isn't relevant to your situation at all, but I think keeping a respectful, calm relationship for now with your separated wife is great.

If this advice sounds a little inexperienced, than please know you're not alone. Many people on this forum have come from this situation and are now very happy, as you've been finding out. During recovery, this can also be a chance to learn more about your independence as well, and what you want from a relationship. If you don't have family and friends, you are also not alone. I myself don't have any family (my dad has already passed on), and for a while, didn't have any friends. I was really sad to be alone, but I started doing things and then began making friends. I've attended therapy, and will continue soon. And now I do have some people to rely on. I also eventually learned that being alone has benefits, such as more freedom, and following dreams. If you do drink, that's probably a recovery mechanism for emotional battles within yourself? Therapy would be a great way to start figuring that out.

If anything, I just wish you the best. Please don't feel lonely.

[asheepywolf]

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

Hi asheepywolf, I've never been in a relationship in my entire life, so please take what I saw with an extra dose of salt. Hopefully I don't say something accidentally hurtful from my inexperience. I felt I could connect with perhaps the situation with your daughter? I'm still relatively young. My parents broke up when I was 5 after a 6 year relationship, and I remember my father made all the wrong mistakes. I didn't know it at the time, but I was so sad to see him suffering. I just wanted him to be happy, with or without my mom. At first he spent much time alone and was very depressed, and then he started up a relationship with a woman. Thankfully the woman was very kind and got him onto his feet, and even got him to go back and visit us often. It was good to see him happy and more sober. It would have been better if he had started attending therapy, and kept close with some positive friends. What if he got with the wrong person or friends? He was being very dependent on others at the time, which was totally understandable. Thankfully, he did start being with good friends and got on better terms with my mother.

But his loneliness kicked in and he flew straight back into my mother's arms without any requirements or questions from either side. Bad mistake. I had been okay with them breaking up. I understood, although sad, and I knew I would get through it. I couldn't stand them fighting, however. Maybe this isn't relevant to your situation at all, but I think keeping a respectful, calm relationship for now with your separated wife is great.

If this advice sounds a little inexperienced, than please know you're not alone. Many people on this forum have come from this situation and are now very happy, as you've been finding out. During recovery, this can also be a chance to learn more about your independence as well, and what you want from a relationship. If you don't have family and friends, you are also not alone. I myself don't have any family (my dad has already passed on), and for a while, didn't have any friends. I was really sad to be alone, but I started doing things and then began making friends. I've attended therapy, and will continue soon. And now I do have some people to rely on. I also eventually learned that being alone has benefits, such as more freedom, and following dreams. If you do drink, that's probably a recovery mechanism for emotional battles within yourself? Therapy would be a great way to start figuring that out.

If anything, I just wish you the best. Please don't feel lonely.

Well, in my personal opinion for someone who hasn't been in a relationship, you are very wise. The thing is, I've never really had a problem being alone, never relationship dependent that is. And as far as friends go...Well I used to have alot but they weren't necessarily good people so I cut ties, and I lost alot because my wife simply didn't like them. Now, for the past five years it's been me and her, and then my daughter. Nothing feels real without her here, I feel like in between that place where you are sleeping, and dreaming..but you know you are...it's just not a good dream. thanks for responding, I really am enjoying the fact everyone is being supportive, and helpful.

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[asheepywolf]

And..tomorrow's our four year wedding anniversary....or I don't know what to call it. Going to try to be strong, definitely looking to you guys for some support, of that's okay..

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[asheepywolf]

Well today is years officially married..she came over brought our daughter over, she's out right now but says she wants to spend the day with me. I don't know what to do or what I should be feeling. I have history of forgiving people and letting them hurt me again, which took me years to break and just as long too recover from the loss..but she's my wife and soulmate..at least I thought that until recently..now I'm just lost. I know I'm fairly good looking, and I'm very smart when I try so I'm not worried about being without a mate..I'm so confused, help anyone, support our constructive criticism is very welcome.

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[justmebymyself]

Please let us know how it goes with the therapist next week!

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[asheepywolf]

I will, we've been talking. Her and I that is and being completely honest with each other and as bad as it hurts to hear the things I'm hearing it's also very...liberating. I know this is sad but I'm counting down the days to the therapist, I really really need it. Thanks for caring, I'm actually in tears right now just knowing someone cares.

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[justmebymyself]

The therapist was the best thing I did!! There were weeks where I would have done anything at all to get him back. The therapist helped me realize I am also my own person!! It was like a weight lifted from me.

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