how can i get bf to be more romantic

we have been together for 6yrs and i know they says things can't and won't always be all lovey dovey but i feel my relationship is extremely laking in the romance department. he never says anything nice or to compliment me unless i " fish for compliments" is how i would put it. for example if i get dressed up to go....crickets, so ill say " how do i look"....the reply " you look good, or you look fine and only on the rarest occasions you look pretty"....he never suprises me with anything be it flowers or candy or even just anything to say " hey i was out and thought of you" he never does anything to help me out, if i ask maybe hey can you take the garbage out or run this to the post office please i get no all the time or some tantrum.....but if he asks me to do the same thing and i refuse i get yelled at....i do everything for him if i have the time to the point i feel ike an unappreciated assistant not a gf.

he never wants to hold hands alone or in public unless i make him in which it only last maybe 5 minuts if not less. barley kiss barely hug....its extremely frustrating....dont even get me started on the practically non exsistant sex life. its like i have to beg and if im lucky its once a month. i could dress up sexy or even be right in front of him nakes most days...and nothing. if i ask if he wants to he gets angry and it starts a fight. i don't feel loved and bring this up to him all the time he tells me im being crazy and why on earth would i think that?.....i wonder....

im not asking for him to be up my ***** with romantics and lovey doveyness, but jeez something here and there would be nice. i have brought this issue to him multiple times in multiple ways and every time i get nothing but push back, attitude, angry, fights and everything possible to make me feel like s**t for wanting these things. i tell him all the time if he doesn't want do these things or recieve them from me then whats the point of even being in a relationship....because its not....again just anger and ignoring things. i try and try and try and get metaphorical kicked into the dirt each. what can i do to make him be more romantic and treat me like he loves me ( which he claims he does) when i don't feel it

So first question comes to mind, can you tell me what you love about him and what is good about him? I'm not being sarcastic here but honestly asking you to ask yourself that, because it sounds like a very cold relationship to me, at least from your description which is not good.

Second question that I wonder is, you're saying that he gives you nothing in return but the question is, has he ever actually been these things, and was there a point where he was actualy a romantic, giving person? I ask in all seriousness because if he was at one point and it changed, it says one thing and if he never has been, then it says an entirely different thing. Something would cause one to become cold and distant, whether it be mutual, something you did or something that happened to him entirely on his end. That's what I would wonder if it's changed

On the other hand, some people are naturally reserved, i.e., do not show public affection, are not as touchy and verbal. That is not an excuse but just that sometimes early in a relationship there are things that are present that we overlook in the early periods, even years of a relationship that later are things that become problems. We as people tend to do this in the blindness that comes with love sometimes and we make huge provisions for things that should not be acceptable in the first place and especially not for someone we consider long term. I add this because it's my thinking behind whether he's changed or always been this way.

That would be my first thoughts on this, i knwo it's not advice per se at this point but something that I wonder about this relationship.

I'm not condoning his behavior or neglect at all.

Do you model the behavior you want? Like bring him small tokens of affection or tell him he looks nice? Sometimes that seems to help a bit, but when it comes down to it, we can't make someone be more <<whatever>>.

The kind of stuff you are describing is usually just the way a person is. I would try to figure out if I could live with the way he is right now instead of wasting energy trying to make him into something he isn't.

He hasnt always been this way. But he says he has which is complete bs in our early years he was always doing things for me and liked pda and kinda showing me off or even when it was just us being affectionate. I dont really know why it stopped and likeni said if I ask I just ge that im crazy or being needy

I model the behavior all the time ill b at the grocery and get his favorite don it s just cuz or at a gas station and get him candy he likes. Or take his mail to the post office for him. Any other little things I can do and still nothing

Well maybe he is at a point where he's taking you for granted and has grown too comfortable with the fact that you seem to be the "chaser" here. Maybe back off (not to punish him mind you) and try not to get him to come to you for awhile. In absense of your asking for it, wondering why and talking about it he just may begin to notice. I'm not saying be cold, mean or anything like that at all.. just kind of be a little more passive and sacrifice your need for the romance in order to regain it again from it. I'm not 100% sure it would work but seems like something ot think about.

there is little you can do..i have found people rarely want to change..you will have to find someone else who will do the things you like. too often we settle for people who are not making us happy because we don't want to be alone or go through the effort of finding someone else.

we make excuses 'what if i find someone worse, etc' at least i know what i am getting with XXX, etc.

we may find someone worse BUT we may Also find someone better. familiarity and comfort allow us to put up with things we know are totally unacceptable, for these things we have only ourselves to blame.

I am not a big fan of being single, but i embrace it now. if i do do another relationship, i won't rush like i did before. i panicked when i broke up with my ex in november and made many mistakes afterward, i put up with a lot of nonsense for 3 and a half yrs and tried again with her for 6 months..she only wanted to change when i wanted out. this was not fair to me and i finally got tired of carrying the relationship.

i still miss the good times and all the good about our relationship..but the bad was just too much, she was mean and insensitive & it hurt when she said things to me without thinking about if they would hurt me or not first..i always did that for her and i could never understand why it was so hard for her to do the same..at times she was distant and aloof..then would accuse me of being that way...well if you keep doing it to me..why shouldn't i give you a taste of your own medicine?

i hung in there for years and i finally got burned out..don't let this happen to you..move on before you become resentful and take it out on your next bf.
hope this helps and good luck

Maybe he just acted that way in the beginning of the relationship because romance is universally expected during the honeymoon phase, and then once he was confident that you were a "sure thing" he allowed his true colours to show...

If he's adamant that he's not the type, then there's absolutely nothing you can do or say to make him become the type. You either accept him as is, unaffectionate, aloof, low / no sex drive, unromantic, or find someone who's more compatable and can fullfill these relationship needs of yours.

You are not clingy for wanting to have intimacy and wanting to feel special / wanted within your relationship. We all have emotional needs and it up to us to seek out partners who will meet those needs. And when we've been mistaken / mislead, we have to decide whether or not we can live without these needs being met for possibly the rest of our lives.

This is my first reply to a post, hope I do it ok.

I could have written your post but I'm 18 years with someone like this. Zero affection, compliments, gifts, notes, nothing.

Holidays are the worst especially when you see others get beautiful gifts from their husbands. I dread when someone asks, I always lie and say we concentrated on getting gifts for the kids or whatever.

I've asked him why he is like this and he says its just him so at this point I quit asking but the resentment is always there.

i have major resentment. im 25 hes 30 you'd think someone this old would know better. i don't ask for much really and im not even getting close to what i am asking for your right when you say holidays are the worst, but also for it has been more so being around all his friends and some of mine, both are in the stages of getting engaged/ married having kids. people ask us constantly when we are getting married and such i always just put my head down and make some excuse, or i tell them to go ask him, whihc is basically knowing it will never happen , its very frustrating

OP, if it isn't in him now it's not going to be. You can't make someone romantic.