[mywitsend]

My husband of 9 years is driving me crazy. I am usually an upbeat positive person. He is depressed a lot and won't get help. He also has major communications problems/ problems forgiving the hurt that others have caused him in his life . I'm talking about hurts from his childhood, his adult years, his two marriages before me. We have a blended family ( I had two children before this marriage and he had one) and we have one child together. When he gets angry, he is unreasonable. I try to stay calm and he is childish, calling me and my other son names, throwing things, cursing at me, blaming me for things that are not my fault. If I try to defend myself he turns on me saying I am "out of control". He constantly tells me that feelings don't matter. That my feelings don't "make things real." He never apologizes for saying the hurtful things he does. He won't go to counseling. I've been in counseling to deal with the breakup of my first marriage and have been able to forgive my first husband and move on. I guess I'm not looking for any help, just a sympathetic ear. I feel trapped because I won't put my young son through a divorce, and I'm not prepared to give him up ANY. I do not want to leave him with his dad alone, because I don't trust his parenting skills. He raised his first son almost alone, and that turned out disastrous.. they have a very negative relationship (and he still lives with us, adding to the problems.)

I'm usually a very happy and content person and I just keep thinking, I made this decision to marry him, and now I am going to stay because of my son. I'll just deal with this man the best way I can, take the good parts, and try not to get emotional about the bad parts, and pretty much just ignore the fact that he tries to drag me down.

[TYMBERWOLV]

I understand where you are coming from ... I have the some issues that your husband is currently going thru .. But I made a life decision to attempt to chanage my habits when coming to grips with my emotions ..

I suggest that he does see a counselor because his problems will just compound on top of each other. This does not alleviate the pressures that he is attempting to deal with. Furthermore I would suggest that you also seek assistance with him possibly an friend might be able to let him know what he is doing is incorrect .

Seek assistance for a church , domestic abuse advocate (verbal abuse is domestic abuse ) ..

Hope I can help

PM me if needed

[mywitsend]

I just stumbled back on this account and had forgotten all about it. I just wanted to give an update to this. So, it is now 2014. I FINALLY separated from him in June of 2013! I kept trying to make it work with him for 7 more years! OMG. It was horrible. It never got any better. Or, it would get better for a week or two at a time, if I tried REALLY HARD. And even since then, I have waffled back and forth, thinking that somehow I could make it work with him. I can just say that it is REALLY HARD to deal with these people, and it is really hard to get away from them too. I have been through a lot of soul searching where he is concerned. Sometimes they can seem normal, and that is so heartbreaking. But they always eventually, go back to abusing you.

[hvert]

Wow! I've never seen someone update a thread after so much time! I am glad you got out of there and I hope you are doing well now!