What am I doing wrong

Hello all,

new here but i've read some of the posts on here and i think you all could help me here.....

long story short, met this girl, for 6 months been plying cat and mouse game about liking each other until 12:40 am on new years and have been seeing a lot of each other since.

a day later she asks me if I love her and my emotional dam broke and i tell her everything that i always wanted to tell her, didnt get the same response back, said that she loved me too

now to the heart of the issue, before new years i was looking to move to california where my best friend had been telling me to every since i got out of the military

where i live careerwise im at a standstill as far as getting anywhere here. She finished her masters but is not having any success landing a decent job, im 26 she is 25, we are alike in so many ways it scary but relationship wise she is reserved and its something im not used to but im getting there

earlier on tonight she was thinking about going back to school to get her doctorate, that would mean 4 yrs back there, so both us said to each other in all the ways you can say it to the point of babbling on about being in a lond distance relationship pros and cons of it

so what do i do, what could i say ?

sorry for the long post

Thanks for listening

i am sorry you are in that boat. i dont have much advice to give, but as i am learning at this very moment, you must follow your heart. if you feel the relationship is healthy, do whatever it takes to keep her by your side... you have your whole life ahead of you! i hope this helps even slightly. but like i said, i have little room to talk about relationships. Best of Luck!! =)
PM if you need to,
Mu$ik

you both have to think through it. You must think if you are ready to support her decision. If you decided for a long distance relationship, you must also establish a set-up on how you are going to communicate in a schedule that is in favor of you both. In any relationship, especially in a long-distance one, communication is very vital. So, you must both be ready to face the consequences if you decide to go to a long distance relationship.


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So what makes you think YOU are doing something wrong? I'm confused on that issue...

Speaking from experience, and I've had some... all told I've been married for 41 yrs of my 63... and if your gf isn't as emotionally responsive as you are, you'll be going down a very frustrating road.

Sounds to me like you're more than ready to make a commitment, but she's not.

I've had long distance relationships. They don't always work out to our liking... especially when the other isn't as emotionally commited as we are.

You have a lot of thinking and talking to go through, I think, before you make a decision. Good luck!

Hi Leonidas -- I don't read anything that you are doing "wrong" in your post, either. You have a challenging decision to make. Good luck with that.

Thanks everybody for the support, it did help to see if it was just me feeling that way.

Talked to her about everything, she kept telling me that she' s having emotional distress and that time is the only thing that will help her to fully commit herself and im willing to wait for that.

I did talk to a coworker and was told about the fully committed thing if we go long distance is that I'm not really asking for that but just exclusitivity

is that what it is?

You just have to talk to her about your relationship and tell her exactly what you would like to happen. You both must come to an agreement as to what your plans will be with your relationship.

thanks again,

she still is frustrated about her job situation. i let her talk and she vents for a little then she justs goes silent.

i try to comfort her, tell her about the better times that her and i will have eventually, but the conversation turns back up on the job.

how can i say everything is going to be alright without saying exactly that or sounding patronizing?

i love this girl to pieces and im feeling more and more helpless every day

Leo -- You can't fix her, you can only fix her. I know that sounds simplistic, but it's pretty much one of the greatest lessons for me to learn over and over.

im sorry wants....

as simple as that sounds could you explain that

thanks

Hi Leionidas -- I was typing too fast, and there's a serious typo in what I wrote -- I will try to get it right this time and proofread before I post:

You can't fix her, you can only fix you.

Please accept my apology.

thanks wants for that msg.

OK........

Valentines day came and went, unfortunatley because of job restraints we really dont see each other as much as we did

we talked about what each other wants is this relationship after a couple of hours into this and after a day of deciphering what she says I get it as

" l love you but fully commiting myself to you is not there yet"

so loving someone and commting to someone are totally different things

ok ok i get that another poster on here said something about her not being as emotionally responsive as me so i tried that not calling as much as i used to even to the point of seeing how long it would take her to call me

then i got that call and it was her saying that she was frustrated with me because she had not planned anything for two nights because she thought she was going to see me and I called her to say I would be working late

seems that sometimes while we talk its like a chess match or an interrogation seeing what responses we get from each other

i never been with somebody who being so confusing without being confusing it you can figure that out

thanks for listening,

Frustrated Much.