[xkaru]

Hi I'm 25 years old and I'm having an issue with my girlfriend.
I've been dating my girlfriend for about two months and everything was great we texted everyday and hung out almost every day and when we didn't hang out we still texted all day. We worked together but she worked mornings and I worked nights so at work we really only saw each other for maybe an hour but we'd usually see each other after I got off. About two weeks ago I changed to a better paying job and literally overnight she just changed 180 degrees, now I hardly see her, and she doesnt reply to my texts 99% of the time. Whereas I used to get 30+ messages from her per day, I've gotten less than 15 from her in the last two weeks ever since I started this new job. I approached her about this and she said she wasn't mad at me at all and she was just anxious about our upcoming move togetherand that she wasn't feeling herself and that it scared her and that's why she wasn't talking to me. I was very supportive and I told her I'd always be there to help her and that if she was scared all she needed to do is talk to me when she is down and I'd comfort her. Since then she still hardly talks to me and I only see her if I go to her work to eat (its a restaurant) now I understand that she might be feeling anxious and not used to getting help from others but while she can't talk to me or hardly ever see me she apparently feels fine enough to hang out with another friend, go to dinner with him and his family, go shooting with him and has plans to go down the river with him tomorrow (a plan she said she made a month ago yet didn't tell me and we were still fine back then).Now don't get me wrong I have no problem with her seeing male friends and I'd never say who she can or can not see and I know that he is only in town till the 5th of September and that she hasn't seen him in years that's not the part that gets me what's gets me is that i feel like if I don't see her she doesnt talk to me at all, and I've only seen her 4 times over the past two weeks. 2 of those times was for less than a half hour, one of those times she slept for over half of it, also we haven't had sex in nearly two weeks before this change we had sex at least every other day. I dont want to grow apart from her she's a great girl and I get that we can't always see each other I just wish she would talk to me and I don't know what I should do.

[xkaru]

Here's some more info. Before I started working my new job she had said "don't leave me here alone" since I was working with her. I think part of her anxiety for the move is that maybe I'll leave her and maybe she is worried that I might leave her and maybe she is distancing herself so that if I do it won't hurt as much, but even if that is the reason I still don't know what I should do about it. I plan on talking to her about it next time I see her and we have plans to see each other on Monday and Tuesday (Tuesday is my birthday) but I'm not sure exactly what I should say or how I should go about it. I just want her to go back to the way she was.

[xkaru]

Also, when I am with her she seems totally fine she still says I love you she still hugs up on me and holds my hand and kisses me. And I honestly feel that she means it. I sense no dishonesty in her at all. Before I worked at my new job I worked with her and right before I switched she said "don't leave me here alone" I think maybe subconsciously her anxiety might be her thinking I'll leave her all alone and that maybe she is distancing herself so that if I leave her it won't hurt as much. I want to reassure her that I won't but it's hard when I can't talk to her it's like of I don't see her I don't hear from her. And I haven't been able to see her much at that. We are supposed to be together Monday and Tuesday and I hope we do, Tuesday is my birthday. I plan to bring this up with her when I see her and I want her to know I'm always here for her and I'm not going to abandon her. I just don't really know what to say or how i should deal with this.

[blur]

does she possibly have abandonment issues and feels you abandoned her by leaving the place where you both worked? idk, her behavior is definitely strange. it seems like she's definitely pushing you away and maybe even punishing you for taking another job by hanging out with this other guy rather than you. i'd just be honest with her and tell her how you feel reiterating that you miss her and want to be with her. i'd also tell her you are confused and hurt by her behavior. if she's this unstable and can't just be honest with you as to what is going on with her then it's probably best to find this out now rather than later although i'm sure that it is hard. good luck. you sound like a good guy.

[MissBelle00]

Maybe I just have "old-fashioned values" of some sort, but a significant other going on a boating trip alone with some other person?

That's a huge red flag in my book, and I would be VERY distrusting.

I've learned that when someone is truly into you and wants to BE with you, they won't do this kind of stuff. It's pretty much universal.

I'm not so sure she's not playing you.

[~Christina]

You two have only been dating a very small amount of time.. An open and honest discussion is going to give you the answers you seek .Maybe shes just busy ? Maybe she is upset that you changed jobs? I dont know your ages... Maybe that plays a part if say you are both on the younger side.

Her going on the river trip with the other guy ?? That could be a problem I would think.

[blur]

you mentioned something about moving together. are you planning on moving in together? if that is the case it might be good to give it a few more months to be in a steadier place before taking that step. you sound like an understanding and mature guy from what you've shared here. just don't let yourself get taken advantage of.

[xkaru]

So I was able to talk to her and I told her how I felt. She cried in my arms and she didn't realize that she was hurting me. She told me she loved me but wasn't sure what she wanted to do, she wasn't sure if she wanted to move she wasn't even sure if she wanted to stay with me (though she assured me that she still loves me) I told her I would be fine putting off the move for however long it takes (even though we'd lose our 300 dollar deposit) and that I just didn't want to lose her since I've never met anyone before her who clicked so well with me. She said she needs time to think and that's where I'm at now, the waiting game. I don't want to lose her but its no longer up to me I just have to wait and hope for the best.

[kate33624]

Moving in together is a bad idea. Sorry for being blunt but if shes not sure she wants to stay with you, I'm pretty sure thats what she means. Idk how old you guys are but moving in together after 2 months of dating (and not even really dating the last 2 weeks) is imo the last thing you should be considering. From what you've said, shes trying to dump you the cowardly way. You deserve someone that will always treat you the way she treated you in the beginning. Keep us posted! Be strong. Don't let her hurt you any longer.

[MissBelle00]

She sounds like she's playing you.

[scorpiosis37]

It sounds like something may very well be going on between her and the guy she went on that trip with. She doesn't sound trustworthy. I'd be worried about being the "backup." She may be holding on to you until she's sure things will work out with the other guy. You seem like such a nice guy; don't let her play you.

[xkaru]

I guess I forgot to mention this in the first post but I'm 25 and she's 20 but she always seemed more mature than that but I guess it might just be her age. As for that guy she's known him most of her life but he's been in Germany for the last 4 years and he's only in town until the 5th of September. He was going to help us move since he has a truck. I don't think she was doing anything with him he is more like a brother figure, that and she lives with her parents right now and I've met both of them, I'd like to think if she was doing anything with him they'd know and tell me. Also I'm usually really good at telling when people are lying and she doesnt show anything in her body language or tone of voice that she is being dishonest so I really don't think that was it at all. But I'll keep you guys posted as to what happens when I know. BTW the 12th is my birthday, great birthday right lol. Idk I'm a good person and I always treat the person I'm with good I'm not at all controlling and never abusive always helpful and supportive so I don't know why I can never seem to find someone who will treat me as well as I treat them. Its always great in the beginning then something changes usually abruptly and seemingly out of no where. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

[blur]

she is young and sounds like she isn't so great at communicating her feelings but rather tends to act them out. it's okay for you to decide how long you want to wait around for her and if you really want her back. she is not treating you well at all. it sounds a little like she may cling onto whomever is the nearest guy and right now that is the guy from out of town. i would focus on taking care of yourself and get out there and have fun with your friends. you may need to be a bit more assertive with women. i.e. don't put up with cr*p. also, rushing things in a relationship, like living together, isn't a good idea.

[blur]

thinking about this more i think she is doing the slow fade because she is too cowardly to tell you she wants to end it. if someone needs to take a break or think about what they want so early in the relationship they just aren't that into you. i'd just call her back and let her know you are moving on.

with the next girl you meet don't spend every night with her and don't even think about moving in together for at least 6 months or more. develop a well-rounded full life and don't make your gf your everything if that is what you are doing. i think you may be in too much of a rush and that is why these women are initially attracted to you but then lose interest. just have fun and date and let things happen naturally. you don't have to rush things. if you find you are giving a lot and not getting much in return that is your cue to stop giving so much because you aren't being appreciated. you are a good guy, you communicate well and i think if you slow down and make sure you are being treated right you'll do just fine with a little practice. let them chase you a little.

[xkaru]

I defiantly get what you are saying and it makes a lot of sense though I will give you a little more context. We weren't going to move in together to rush things. I recently moved out to Arkansas and am living with family friend but things were getting tough in the small apartment so I went to try to get my own place and due to some credit issues I wasnt approved for an apartment so she said "why don't we just get a place together under my name" so really this started as a way to help me out of a bad situation but that's neither here nor there. I'm going to give her a few days and see what she says if it is negative I'll move on. I've accepted that fact that 99% of the time that line means it's over but at the same time I would feel bad if I didn't give her a chance to make things right.