[Raindropvampire]

Long story short: Hubby said he'd give me $100 today to help with expenses. Now says he can't. I told him "Don't worry about it. I wasn't counting on you coming through so had budgeted as if you weren't helping. So it's all good. No worries." He got mad I asked what he wouldn't speak. Then he just called again on the phone and said I'll get you the money and then started yelling. Apparently I hurt his feelings with my statement. So I simply told him honey look at every promise you've ever made me. We went down the line and he's kept two. He's not drinking anymore and he' never cheated. I said what matters is on the big stuff he follows through but when it comes to little everyday stuff he has no follow through so I don't count on him to do what he says.

He's in a snit now and says I have deeply wounded him and he doesn't know why I stay married to him if I can't count on him and think he's a flake and I have rocked our entire marriage with this revelation(drama queen PUH-LEASE! )

I'm not seeing the big deal here. I can count on him for the big stuff. That's what matters. How is my discounting any little promises he makes such a big deal? In the grand scheme it doesn't matter because he will calm down and forget but this is stupid.

[Altered Moment]

He is probably taking it as an attack on his character. Hopefully he will calm down and think about it and maybe try to change. Maybe see the truth in it if he can take a calm view at it.

[lilypup]

This sounds like it will blow over. He knows that he isn't living up to his promises and tried to put it off on you. You might be aware now that this is a hot button for him and avoid casually mentioning it unless you really feel it is important to bring up.

[healingme4me]

Definitely sounds like an overreaction on his part. Probably has its own sources, that go beyond anything you really said.

Is he actively in therapy and working through recovery programs?

[unaluna]

Why did you ask him if you didnt really need it? It sounds like a set-up, a trap. Like you are really mad at him. I think he is reacting to how you REALLY feel. "Too honest" is kinda bogus. Your butt looks big in those jeans - im just being honest! I dont blame you for being mad at feeling like you cant depend on him, but maybe you have to just tell him that, instead of saying it doesnt matter? Idk.

[Mike_J]

I think you touched a nerve in his "male ego" men are supposed to be "the provider" and to find out that you feel that you can't count on him in this regard probably stung a bit.

[Raindropvampire]

Originally Posted by hankster

Why did you ask him if you didnt really need it? It sounds like a set-up, a trap. Like you are really mad at him. I think he is reacting to how you REALLY feel. "Too honest" is kinda bogus. Your butt looks big in those jeans - im just being honest! I dont blame you for being mad at feeling like you cant depend on him, but maybe you have to just tell him that, instead of saying it doesnt matter? Idk.

I did really need it. I didn't want to make him feel worse and tell him that because he flaked I had to go to a food bank to get us groceries. I know him and that would have led to an "I'm useless and I should die because I can't even provide for my family" rant and I didn't feel like listening to it.

And it doesn't matter how I feel. If it mattered then he would care enough to not flake and obviously he doesn't so it doesn't matter. This just proved that I can't count on him for any help whatsoever so now I can save us both future frustration and never ask him for anything again.

And I don't find too honest bogus. I absolutely hate lies and omissions but do realize sometimes it makes things easier. Seriously telling him the complete unabashed truth would have probably resulted in him hurting himself. So I went for the path of least resistance. Makes me furious with myself but oh well.

[unaluna]

Im sorry, i think i sounded mean. I am really sorry. Im sorry times are hard. And i know its hard to deal with this with another person, without both of you feeling bad. Its something i have to work on in my life.

[Raindropvampire]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Definitely sounds like an overreaction on his part. Probably has its own sources, that go beyond anything you really said.

Is he actively in therapy and working through recovery programs?

We finished up marriage counseling awhile ago. Other than that he hasn't been in therapy for bit. The marriage counseling really helped for a few months but he has totally backslid in his communication. Example: Yesterday I went to make a sandwich and there was no bread. I went to the living room and said "Honey if you use the last of something please tell me so I know to get more." This elicited a five minute pity party on how he's an effing loser that screws everything up he touches and from now on he just won't eat anything in the house. He sucks and from now on he'll just go root through garbage to eat.

He's been promising me for 3 months now that he will get back in therapy but guess how much progress he's made? Absolutely none. So I gave him a list of Ts and shrinks that take medicaid so all he had to do was call. Apparently that was still too much work and he lost the list. It will probably take him thinking I'm going to leave again to get him to actually make an appointment. His doctor has been filling his psych meds so as long as he's still getting them I don't think he has much motivation.

[Raindropvampire]

Originally Posted by hankster

Im sorry, i think i sounded mean. I am really sorry. Im sorry times are hard. And i know its hard to deal with this with another person, without both of you feeling bad. Its something i have to work on in my life.

Please don't worry I didn't take what you said as mean. I try to give everyone online the benefit of the doubt because I can't hear tone of voice or body language. Plus let's face it we wouldn't be hear if we didn't have stuff we were dealing with. If my response sounded defensive or abrupt I apologize. It's been a rough weekend.