[kawaiigurl1981]

My boyfriend of the past three months has accused me of seeming blase and not committed to the relationship
BUT
this man sets his own work schedule and gets one day off a week
he has chosen Sunday already informing me that he would not be leaving the house on Sunday as he will be watching football
I can come over if I would like
I think my level of investment is comparable to his given this choice. I do not enjoy sports and have no interest in watching football.

[A Red Panda]

My bf is all about soccer. He'll do his best to finish up his work so he can be home for the game - or will work from home as he has that option.

Fortunately, I find his excitement and reactions to be hilarious, so I enjoy watching them with him. He'll let me know what's going on and about the players and will also chat with me during it. So it works for us (He'll also do things with/for me that he won't enjoy that much so it's a fair trade off!)

Surely the football game doesn't last ALL day long, and if he's taking that time off he should be able to compromise and do something else after the game is done..

[kawaiigurl1981]

Red Panda you are a voice of levity that I appreciate ! My issue is that I feel he is choosing football over me or that football is more important and that leaves me feeling abandoned and very hurt. He has warned me from the time we started dating that this would happen and I guess its gotten built up as an awful thing in my mind. But he was quit adamant that he would not be leaving his home on Sunday.

[healingme4me]

Aren't there other times, he can make time for you?

American Football is an All Day Event. First game 1pm est. Then 4pm, then 8pm. Sixteen weeks, playoffs in January, thanksgiving day and first Sunday in February is the Super Bowl.

Lots of appetizers, some drink, many drink, it's a Sunday intensive.

My stepmother didn't allow my dad to watch his beloved sports, of any sport. That was horrible to see happen to him.

If you cannot embrace it, I'd recommend finding friends time on Sundays, do for yourself. It's definitely not a reflection of how he feels about you, this is seemingly his passion. ...accepting this of him seems a loving gift to him.

[A Red Panda]

Oh goodness, is it really an all day thing?!?! (Shows what I know about football).

Does he have any friends who are just as committed to is as he is? If so.. if they have wives or girlfriends, you could always try to have Game Day parties... can be with him between games but otherwise have some girl-time in another part of the house?

I get the feeling like you're not as important... at least he warned you though! The warning in advance does show that he cares, and that he's maintaining his passions (which is healthy for a relationship). Have you asked him how he's going to maintain the relationship if he's refusing to do anything else on his day off?

[healingme4me]

RP, I forgot to mention, Monday Night Football and the occasional Thursday night game. And Fantasy football ball leagues (i won one before ).thanks reggie bushes first year +others on my team)..
I like the finding other football widows to do things with, suggestions.

[kawaiigurl1981]

to me this is very black and white if he loves me will make room for me and if not he doesn't. I don't really fancy the idea of making nice with other women that I likely have nothing in common with. Either makes me feel like I matter or he is bluntly honest that I don't and we go from there.

I work Monday through Friday 11a-7:30p. He usually comes over one night a week but I seldom get home until 8 and I like to be in bed by 1am

[A Red Panda]

Yeah... I'd ask him how he's going to make room for you when he's giving his time off to football only.

[healingme4me]

Sounds like there's more than just five months of football.
Is he just inattentive in every other way possible?
Have you considered couples counseling to work through these feelings that he doesn't care about you?

[kawaiigurl1981]

He is very attentive though I have a few issues with his communication style. I find him argumentative and combative.

[healingme4me]

I personally find it difficult to feel like a priority, when matched against that type of communication style.

[hvert]

It sounds like you two have plenty of time to get together during weekday evenings. Why not just enjoy his company then and leave him alone on Sundays?

A friend of mine who was a football widow used to host little parties during games. We'd play board games while the football game was on. It was surprisingly fun!

[kawaiigurl1981]

Umm no we do not have plenty of time during the week as he comes over only once during the week and I don't get home until 8pm. If he wants to be "left alone" he has no business with me and that is what I am trying to sort out in a hurry. I know how I am in terms of needing time and attention and if this is not something he can accommodate then we need to know sooner than later.

[hvert]

Ah, okay - I misunderstood. So he currently only wants to see you on one weeknight + his day off? And now he will use his day off to watch football instead without getting together with you more frequently during the weeknights?

[lilypup]

I'm somewhat of a football widow, but my husband GOES to the games which takes even longer. So I get the schedule and work in my friends and fun things like massages, etc. for that time. Been married 28 years...works for us.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by kawaiigurl1981

...this man sets his own work schedule and gets one day off a week
he has chosen Sunday already informing me that he would not be leaving the house on Sunday as he will be watching football
I can come over if I would like...

Originally Posted by kawaiigurl1981

...He has warned me from the time we started dating that this would happen...

Originally Posted by kawaiigurl1981

...I know how I am in terms of needing time and attention and if this is not something he can accommodate then we need to know sooner than later.

I'm confused Did you agree to this setup knowing you need more time and attention than he's willing to invest, but hoping you'd somehow be okay with it? Or were you hoping he'd increase your time together at some point?

You don't have to answer that, just something you may want to ponder since you knew the score beforehand and still thought it worthwhile to persue a relationship with him...

The way I see it, you either;

A) Adhere to your original agreement and try to get involved with football Sunday, despite your disdain in order to spend time with him...
( I've opted to go to "boys night" on numerous occasions even though I think playing soccer on a PS3 is stupid, I loathe their music and I don't smoke weed, but it was one of the compromises that allowed me to see bf more lol )

Sooo my point there is that, where there's a will there's a way, even if its not the ideal way...

B) Talk to him and negotiate seeing eachother more than 1 night a week, either have regular lunch dates or meet up after work as 8pm is still quite relatively early... or

C) Break it off and find someone with more free time in his schedule...

Best of luck.

[kawaiigurl1981]

Honestly I never expected this to be as serious as it has turned out. I never expected to want to stick around by the time football season started. He was a random guy I messaged on a dating website. I only messaged him because I thought he was cute and he was obviously into Star Wars. I had no plans or expectations going in other than he was cute and I was not looking for anything long term. After a few dates it was apparent that he was very serious about me and wanted to have an exclusive relationship in fact he took it for granted. After our first sexual encounter I asked "So are you and I a thing now" and said somewhat indignantly "Well I should hope so". I consented to an exclusive relationship and I had plenty of free time and had little else going on. I suppose people are supposed to walk around with a plan and no what they want but I just kinda don't and that is how I ended up in this situation.

[Trippin2.0]

Then if I were in your shoes I would go with option B.

But, if you really need to sleep very early and for whatever reason you can't meet for lunch regularly, I would seriously weigh whether I like him more than I loathe football, and take it from there.

[~Christina]

The reality that I see in all this is you want more time and you both have trouble find time that works for both of you.... You only have 3 months invested in this relationship.. Most "brand new " relationships are a "I want to see you all the damn time" deals.

I agree with Trippins breakdown of your options.

Good luck with what ever you decide

[kawaiigurl1981]

he cancelled our plans tonight to draft for fantasy football...I broke up with him

[Trippin2.0]

Ouch. I'm sorry to hear that.

Did you explain why you were opting to end things and if so how did that convo go?

Well obviously it couldn't have gone well, I'm just struggling to understand how he's ok with losing a gf to fantasy football...

[kawaiigurl1981]

He said that I should not be so upset over his cancelling one date that I would only have a point if that was a consistent pattern of behavior. I complained because he did not choose to spend his free time with me and he asked should he quit his job because that took time away from me. I told him I refused to be drawn into such a silly hypothetical and that we all had things that we had to do and things that we chose to do. And that what we chose to do illustrated out priorities. He said that I had created a silly made up world in my head in which he did not care about me and that he could not sway from that idea.

[hvert]

It sounds like you both had very different expectations of your relationship and schedules that didn't match. I hope you meet someone who has the same idea about frequency of contact as you do-- it doesn't sound like this guy was the one.

Football and females are two different interests entirely and they can co-exist. Football makes me angry and agitated, whereas females make me calm and cariing and excited.

[brainhi]

Would you he give up something you are passionate about for him - singing, art, church and so on. He values his time with football - I grew up in a football family and I get it! If this is a deal breaker than figure it out now - or you both will resent eachother. Find a compromise.

I am a female and LOVE FOOTBALL - although now I am very concerned about knocking the brain around too much and the consequences - to the players' brain