Upsetting Facebook post

This is not the first time this has happened. I am a fairly active and vibrant grandmother, just 59 years old, that plays an active role in my grandchildrens' lives. I have 6 year old twin granddaughters. Facebook has been troublesome for me before. I love my daughter in law to death but today she posted that one of the little twins had fallen somewhere last night and was taken to the emergency room and had staples put in her head!!! I am livid! I want to post on FB...wow, thanks for letting me know or something similar.

I know that would not turn out well for me. Last year she posted photos of my 13 years old granddaughter and a birthday party, complete with decorations and a lighted cake. They had borrowed my car that day, I was stuck at home and I was told nothing about it. They all just tried to act like I was overreacting when I got upset. I was in acute benzo withdrawal and almost threw my computer across the room, it took me a while to get over that.

I stay on facebook mostly to see photos of them or god knows I would not get any updates. It is a dilemma for sure.

Am I wrong to feel hurt and left out? I just was picking the kids up everyday from the school bus and keeping them at their house for 2 weeks, it's not like we don't talk!!! I don't need this crap.

Have you talked to your son about this?

No, this just happened. I called him and he did not answer. I just sent him a text telling him that it will take me a while to wrap my head around how or why I have to learn about my grandchild having and head injury, going to the emergency room to get staples put in on Facebook. I think I am just getting more and more angry by the minute! I called my older son and he refused to talk about it. That is my supportive family.
Have not heard from the other son yet. What a slap in the face, especially after just recently keeping them for 2 weeks. Parenting and grand parenting are thankless jobs sometimes. I'm so sad and hurt. I guess I am back to making mountains out of molehills as the old saying goes. I'm screwed either way...

I can see both sides about the birthday party - it was totally not cool to not invite you especially when they had borrowed your car that day. But at the same time, 13 year olds are at the point where they want their birthday parties to be them+friends and not quite so much family. And, almost throwing a computer across a room is rather an over-reaction.

As to the staples in the head? It happened. She let you know along with everyone else that it had happened. The only person she would really have to go out of her way to contact to tell about something like that would be her husband. It's not really something that you need to text everyone individually about to tell them - she wasn't in the hospital for a few days or anything.

I think being livid about that isn't doing anyone any good, and posting anything passive-aggressive will do nothing whatsoever to help and will instead make your daughter in law wish to have very little to do with you.

If you have an active role in their lives already, then how are you being left out or not receiving any updates about them?

I would privately message her if you can't phone and ask outright why you're not able to be a bigger part of their lives - emphasis you'd like to provide practical support as much as possible in a way that only a grandmother can. It's important that kids get on well and have an active relationship with older generations - it makes them well rounded and balanced members of society. I would wait until you get a response before speaking to your son; he's likely to be protective of his wife or conversely want little to do with it all but if you've demonstrated that you've already tried to deal with this directly he won't have much choice in doing something about it. If you really want to be democratic about it the best thing to do would be to speak to them both at the same time, that way they can't deflect the situation onto each other.

Were you once an addict or have any mental health problems which may be factoring into their decision? If so you need to demonstrate that you're perfectly trustworthy and if need be have them supervise any sessions with your grandchildren if absolutely necessary. You're an important part of their life and you shouldn't be denied a chance to see them as often as possible. Best of luck.

If it was me I would be less offended by the first post -- because it may be that they meant their Facebook post about the emergency to be the way they communicated most effectively, and at their first chance, with everyone about it. They were perhaps very understandably wrapped up in the moment about sorting out how they could best support their child in that situation, to have thought to have made a call to you, previous to making the post to let everyone know. Not saying it was right, wrong, the best thing or not, but they were in crisis at the time and surely doing their best.

But about something like about leaving you out of a celebration at which you would have liked to have been in attendance, I think let them know that, but coming from a place of anger might not be the best approach towards resolving it.

Just my opinion.

My son calls me daily or every other day about random things. It is odd that no one called me last night. They trusted me to pick up the kids off the bus for 2 weeks, stay in their home. There has never been an issue about me doing anything with the kids, they have spent the night with me. I did have a bad episode with depression a few years ago.

I know that it is not helping me to get so upset. The reason I was so over reactive last year about the birthday party was as I stated that I was in acute klonopin withdrawal. The granddaughter was only 12 then, and they said it was an impromptu event. Still I felt left out.

I told that story as an example of things she has posted on FB. Sure it is her life, she has no obligation to tell me anything. Knowing the situation as I do, trust me, it was just thoughtless. That is my opinion that I have a right to. Oh well, I always end up looking like the bad guy.

This too shall pass.

Apparently you've never been in acute benzo withdrawal! Her reaction was par for the course! (Sucks, I know, I've been there!)

Learning about important things on FB? So not cool. You are the GRANDMOTHER, you don't deserve to be notified whenever you happen to check your facebook feed! You deserve more respect than that! I mean you were notified about it at the same time as your daughter in laws random co-workers. Yes, you were put on the level of a random acquaintance! SO not cool!

I remember hearing this story about how this woman was in charge of notifying everyone of XYZ's death along with funeral arrangements. All she did was make a single facebook post and guess what? NOBODY showed up to the funeral, but weeks later when word got around, EVERYBODY was pissed! People are so stupid when it comes to social media. They think that it is an excuse for just plain bad behavior, along with the assumption that not only does *everybody* have a FB account, but that *everybody* checks it 24/7.

I hate FB and this is a prime reason. I don't need to see how my friends and family are out having fun without me. And I hate dog pictures and political opinions.

Did I say that you were the bad guy? No, I did not. Of course you have a right to your opinion - as do I, although my opinion is less informed as I do not know you nor your family and can only go off what you posted. You asked a question, and I gave you my perspective on it. Quite honestly, the way that you post reminds me of my own mom - which is a trigger for me. I could describe my mom's behaviour, but there's no way for me to do that without seeming to insult you really badly because I can't describe my mom's behaviour any other way, and I don't mean it as harshly towards you.

You said that your son calls to talk to you about random things quite frequently. That's a great relationship, and sounds like it deserves some forgiveness for being so wrapped up in their own child's pain as to not call you individually. Parents tend to be rather tunnel-visioned in regards to things like that, I'm sure you were too! Worry over a child tends to make everything else go right to the wayside.

Please take care of your emotional well-being and give your daughter-in-law a telephone call or better yet, tell her--preferably in the presence of your son--in person that you would like to be notified personally when/if your grandchildren have accidents or become ill.

The car-borrowing was a lousy thing to do to you.

I understand your feelings. You can calmly express them to your son and daughter-in-law. I see no need to bring in your other children, but if that is your family dynamic, so be it.

You're not bad or undeserving. You're a grandmother who loves her grandchild and her family. That's good!

Please take care of your emotional well-being and give your daughter-in-law a telephone call or better yet, tell her--preferably in the presence of your son--in person that you would like to be notified personally when/if your grandchildren have accidents or become ill.
Not sure that's a good idea, the daughter in law might resent being told what to do. She will do as she pleases anyway. Better to just let them know you are there for them should they need you.

When my son was 5, I couldn't afford a phone and one Christmas we down the street to make a phone call. The line was busy so we started playing tag and my son turned around and went smack into a high beam and cut hit head wide open.

We didn't have facebook but I didn't call my mother either. I don't recall how she heard about it but it wasn't anything to concern my parents with. I took him to the hospital, he got a few stitches, and I will hang his wrist band on my tree, again, this year.

I will also add that I would not call my mother in law to inform her of any family business. We don't have that type of relationship.

The car and the birthday party ~ I don't know but if you were going through withdraws it could have been for the best. Teenage crowds can be loud and obnoxious. I just think it was rude because it wasn't mentioned when they borrowed your car. I do hope you told her Happy Birthday anyway.

In any case~ I hope your grandchild heals well and you and your son can work on better communication skills since he calls you all the time. unfortunately, I do know that pain. My son now, tells me nothing but we chat. I learn everything through his sister but we're working on it and I'm hoping I'll really connect with his other half but given history, I'm having doubts.

FLG: I would not say anything to the DIL, sons, etc.

What I would do is the following: next time you are watching the grandchildren, take lots of pictures and post them on YOUR FB!

Here is a nifty thing you can use if you have an iPhone (I do not):

http://www.containerstore.com/shop/s...uctId=11000122

If you have an iPhone, get the thingie in bright pink and take pictures of yourself with the grandchildren. At home and outside- both. Just hanging out or doing crafts. And do that every time they visit with you.