Constantly Attracting Lustful Men

Here's a real humdinger for you...

I am white, female, 33, and heavy set. I'm fairly good looking considering, and haven't really had too much trouble finding a date if I really wanted one.

My problem is this... for the past year I have been on one massive losing streak with men. It's like every lustful, crazed man that could come out of the woodwork comes to me like a magnet.

I know I have something to do with this - but for the life of me, I can't understand why. I'm not overly suggestive. I attempt to dress feminine and carry myself with confidence. I am not an overly social person and a bit lonely - granted - but am I really giving off that much of a low-self esteem/easy/desperate vibe? If so, how do I stop???

My problem is that I'm getting to a point where I feel like I'll never be able to attract a decent man ever again. Or perhaps it's where I'm looking. Perhaps it's me... my head hurts....

Maybe you should just keep trying. Or maybe it is where you meet them that gives them the idea that they can be that way with you. But
It seems a lot of guys these days have no interest in dating or really getting to know a person. Sad!
Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince
Good luck

Hello ,

I think that it's interesting that you've noticed a difference (that's good!). If you had always attracted these sort of men, then getting out of that pattern could be more of a challenge.

So, what else is different in this past year? Are you out of a somewhat longtime relationship this year (or one that had an emotional impct on you)? Are you in a new area? Hanging out with different people, or doing different things?

Once recognizing what else is different, perhaps some menial changes in those things can help you get out of this rut that you've found yourself stuck in lately. Best wishes to you!

Are you attracting "Nice Guys "the ones that pretend to be your friend to have sex with you ?

I've been on the heavy side all my adult life, and never had a problem attracting men. I got tired of the games and emotional immaturity. One day I decided to make a mental list of traits I want and traits I don't want in a man. If you know or feel upon meeting someone that something isn't right, you need to make it plain that you are not interested. This is not being mean, this is taking care of yourself and avoiding trouble or heartache. You will find the right man for you if you are patient. Just don't settle for less than what you know you deserve!

Well in terms of the last year, my sense of identity has really taken a blow. Since this "change" of attraction, over the last 3 years, I lost my business, lost my home, was homeless for 18 months, went through a ton emotional abuse, went back to college for a career change, and during college got diagnosed with a serious and rare neurological disorder.

The other problem I'm wondering about is that the bulk of my "looking" has been online - but that has always been the case. Part of me wonders if it's because I'm coming off as desperate (because let's face it ladies, if you're 33 years old, you do have an expiration date in terms of having kids).

The other part is that I don't really know if I want marriage and the white picket fence. There are times I honestly feel like I am from another planet. I am highly spiritual. I have been waiting till marriage (if you catch my drift), I don't drink or do recreational drugs. At the same time, I am not into mainstream religion. It's all very confusing.

I don't know. Years ago I used to know who I am. Now, it's anybody's guess.

Wow, you have really been through some tough challenges in the past few years. I am sorry.

Maybe you should look for men who are also have physical challenges, which has affected them in many ways, and opened their minds, as well?? Perhaps your ideal man on the website(s) needs to be tweaked a little bit. Like, maybe your self-description, or your likes/dislikes, that sort of thing.

Have you been working with a T through this?

Very gentle hugs and best wishes to you.

I would set my standards higher. Just because a guy is interested, doesn't mean you have to take him up on the offer. It's stuff we know, but sometimes it seems less obvious when we're feeling lonely.

After a string of bad romances, I actually made a list of traits that signaled someone was going to be bad for me i.e. alcoholic, etc. If someone met ANY of those traits, I did NOT date them, no matter how attractive they otherwise seemed.

Maybe I missed out on someone good, but I wound up with my current BF of almost 7 years now, without subjecting myself to another miserable experience.

It could be possible you are just looking in the wrong places. Most women I know met their husbands through their family, friends, work or University. I would avoid going to any pubs or clubs because from what I have heard you are more likely to receive a coward's punch (king hit) now and women have been the latest victims of this form of alcohol related violence.

My problem is that I have no idea where to look for these "men". The online world has changed significantly in terms of online dating. Very few quality partners are out there it seems, in terms of the ration of jerks to gents.

Unfortunately, I do not have much going for me at present. I am ill in so many ways it makes me sick to my stomach. There are times I just cannot forgive myself for all these crisis in my life. It's either my direct fault for not being good enough, hard working enough, etc, or the problem is linked to family or past friends who either are no longer in my life, or no longer care.

Misery does not love company. In the length of my homelessness, then college life and illness, I have lost pretty much all but one or two friends. Family is out of province, and dysfunctional at best, so I had to pretty much get myself through all this message on pity and guilt trips. Needless to say, the same extended family that came to cook me a meal or two, I never heard from again.

I think for myself as well, there's a certain amount of self loathing and a complete loss of self worth through this entire process. I've gone through most of my life not feeling even human, so this entire experience has been difficult to take. To this day, emotional detachment and dehumanization is something I deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes I see people on the bus, and am more interested in who humans are as a species. I often have to remind myself that I am one.

There are no government covered T in my area. Private practice costs money, and right now I'm living off of a credit card as disability takes too long to process, and I cannot seem to get in contact with the welfare program in my district no matter how hard or how many phone calls I make.

Sometimes I feel like Job - and my life was designed to see how much I can withstand before I end it. Every dream. Every bit of passion in my life has been shattered. There's nothing left to live for. Yes, I am depressed. No, the meds are not working, it would seem.

(((((janfow)))))

It sounds like right now isn't the best time for you to look for romance. You have a lot going on in so many ways, which is okay, but what stands out to me is your self-hate and self-blame.

From personal experience, I can assure you that finding a decent love when we're stuck in these states of mind just cannot be done. While I absolutely abhor the phrase, "You can't love anyone until you love yourself", it's true. Being stuck in self-hate and misery, it's really tough to be in the right frame of mind to notice the right guy when he comes along.

I can understand and relate very well to your family and friends struggles. That is very hard. Have you tried joining support groups for your neurological disorder and depression? Some support in that part of your life could be just what the doctor ordered.

You may want to come and check out the support group, see if it's right for you. http://forums.psychcentral.com/group...disorders.html