marriage problem

Hello.
I got married in April my husband left right after 14 days to him home country. He applied for my immigration the case is in the process, it gonna take at least 2 years.
I m living at my parents place. My husband call everyday on Skype and tango.
My problem is:
1. My husband thinks if he agree to my point somehow it's in his favor.
2. What ever problem I tell him about my mother in law, he never get agree to it. He start shouting and start saying we both are bad. Notice: my mother in law live in same country I live n same city I live. Living not with her because she never excepted me as her daughter. N she always tell me that she is very young and her some is younger thn me even but actually she is a old lady n her son is older thn me too.
3. When ever we are talking to eachother he always bring other people (relatives) in call. He enjoy other people company more then my company. And I try to tell him so many times that I feel like this. But he behaves that he don't understand anything.
4. His relatives told me he is earning a lot n thy even shown me the pictures of his check too but when ever hr talk to me about money matters he always say I have lot debt I have to may lot of money to bank. N to his mother he never tell his money problem she always says my son has Lot of money.
5. It's a arrange marriage but I really love my husband I left my job for him becoz he didn't want me to go job. Even I left my study too becoz it was his choice too. He is my love. I want this marriage to workout but things are getting worst day by day. I don't smile all day. I don't enjoy my folks company anymore. All day I sleep n get up according to his time zone.
I am getting sick too.

I am not certain how to work out this kind of situation in your country. Do your parents have any ideas?
First thing start taking care of yourself is important. Do you have friends you can talk to? Everyone needs joy in their life.

No my parents know some of the things. Most of thm I can't tell thm becoz thy will get angry n will question my husband n hr know tht.

I do have 1, 2 friends but I seldom meet thm now.

I was doing job before marriage n was studying too. But after marriage my husband didn't wanted me to continue my study.

If your husband doesn't want you working or doing studies , what in the world are you doing to stay busy and feeling useful? Is this the ways things will be until you and him are together?

Dear Merry, I appreciate you are reaching out to communicate. I am held back because I do not know all the unwritten and written rules of your culture.
From US, your situation sounds very distressing. In this culture woman would take steps to assert her rights as a human being, but I do not know the nature of marriage relationship and your rights as a Pakistani woman.
Your husband is not beating you physically but is keeping you in limbo. I don't know why. Maybe a woman's group could help you define your options if you feel you are withering in this oppressive situation. I really don't want to tell you what to do because I do not know the consequences, but it feels like things are getting very hurtful inside for you. I am concerned for your emotional well being.

I guess I don't understand the reasoning behind getting married in the first place, knowing that he would be leaving in two weeks, and it will take two years or more for your immigration paperwork. In the meantime he continues to be manipulative and controlling of you from a distance....and it will only get worse with time.

As others have posted, I'm not familiar with your customs, but this is not a marriage in any practical sense. I don't know what your options are, but you deserve to live your life...to grow and develop to your full potential. Your present circumstances make that impossible.

All my dear friends!!
U guys help me a lot to fight for my rights I talked to my husband and made him realize that I should be busy in something it can be job or studies. He finally get agree that I should continue my studies. So the new semester is starting from December and I m rejoining it.

In our custom children whether they are grown ups adults thy cannot leave their parents. Specially girls. Before marriage their parents take care of thm after marriage their husbands take care of them.

My husband is coming to pakistan in January for a month we will visit Dubai too we planned this. I m happy now because I m starting my studies and it's a big achievement for me.

My husband is not emotionally attached with me that is y he don't share his stuff with me. He is still his mama's boy. Who has a strong bond with the past including his mother.

2ndly he has a 10 year relationship with a Canadian girl. She ditched him and went with someone else. He had a very tough 1 year after that becoz he was so badly involve with her.
He still memories those past years that how is spend all my money on her. She was a mother of three kids n elder than my husband n after ditching husband she gave birth to another kid.
He usually says I trusted her blindly. I trusted her each n every word n she destroy my all life.
I told him two days back that if that lady ditched u it was her character. All girls r not same. She was your girl friend for 10, 11 years I m your wife. You need to trust me so that we can spend a happy life.

How he can emotionally attached with me? I want all his attention. how I can make him forget about his bad past?

Dear merry0011,
Congratulations on going back to school in December. But I do not understand how you can leave in middle of semester to go to Dubai.
You husband tells a sad story, but be careful to store that away so that you do not swallow that all the way right now. It could be true.
If your husband had a change of heart, then maybe he makes a new start. I am skeptical of stories of husbands who are with someone for 10 years and father 4 children then are gone. It could be true she dumped him, but he could have just as easily been the one that dumped her. I am not sure, but I think a certain amount of skepticism could be helpful until you know him better.
Be careful that he does not insist on having children right away. In USA they use birth control but that may not be an option for you. Having children will make you responsible for their raising. If he has no money how can he support you and your children if you have them? Does he have a job?
I wish you the happiness, but be careful he is sincere and you have a heart felt relationship.
I would say rather than make him forget his bad past, find a way to make a happy future for yourself with room for him to participate in it as an active provider for his wife and children if that is in your future. Try to finish school before children or education is much harder to complete.

Respected CANDC,
Thanks you so much for reading my problem and giving me very good suggestions.
I will take leave for one month from school to go to Dubai n whn I will come back I will put some extra hrs to complete one months pending work.
My husband has good job there he is earning good.
The story he told me about his sad past I believe it but he told me tht non of tht 4 kids are his. N I don't believe it. If he has been living with her form last 11 years thn from where whose kids come from?
I know he want to spend his life with me but he want to dominate me.. i think he thinks tht i am from his back town n here man can treat women to according to their moods.

I can't say anything until I am with him. May b he hiding lot of stuff from me?

I have doubts about lot of things. I have to clear thm thn I am go further but he don't listen. He always say y u think too ooo much. It's all your mind creation n nothing else.

Respected CANDC,
Thanks you so much for reading my problem and giving me very good suggestions.
I will take leave for one month from school to go to Dubai n whn I will come back I will put some extra hrs to complete one months pending work.
My husband has good job there he is earning good.
The story he told me about his sad past I believe it but he told me tht non of tht 4 kids are his. N I don't believe it. If he has been living with her form last 11 years thn from where whose kids come from?
I know he want to spend his life with me but he want to dominate me.. i think he thinks tht i am from his back town n here man can treat women to according to their moods.

I can't say anything until I am with him. May b he hiding lot of stuff from me?

I have doubts about lot of things. I have to clear thm thn I am go further but he don't listen. He always say y u think too ooo much. It's all your mind creation n nothing else.

Where are you supposed to immigrate to??? I seems that if you leave a place where things like this are very common...maybe you can get some real help in another country??? You are very smart to be so closed-in to yourself with this problem. Women that try to assert themselves in many countries get physically hurt if they do...

What a mess you have. All I have to offer are my best wishes....

Dear Tommo,
I m going to immigrate to Canada as soon as my case is excepted.