He's gone and my heart is broken

It's been quite some time since I have posted.

My husband has left me. He said he is an a@@ hole and a mean old bas@#$* and I deserve better than him.

I think he's a big chicken - this man who leaves rather than sticks it out, gets the help he needs, and works on the relationship.

I know I'll be better off in the long run, I'm just really afraid right now. Really afraid!!

Sorry to hear of your misfortune. I don't know what to say but that I hope you will keep posting here and talking about it. I know how hard it is to lose someone close. Wish I had something more to say but I'm tired and empty minded right now, sorry. Take care.

<font color=purple>Peace to you. CQ</font color=purple>

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"I think wholeness comes from living your life consciously during the day and then exploring your inner life or unconscious at night." Margery Cuyler</font color=green>

WIL,

It's good to hear from you, I wish it were under better circumstances. I know you were trying so hard to keep things together. When bad things happen to me I try very hard to convince myself that there must be a reason, I know that's not much solace. I know you're afraid and I hope you have someone near to you for support to help you thru this rough time, and remember you have us. We all care about you very much. Please keep writing and letting us know how you're doing.

You're in my thoughts,
bp

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow.

My husband left me four years ago because he said he didn't love me anymore, thought I was going to suffer from depression for the rest of my life and said he couldn't make me better.

He had a great deal of anger, bitterness and animosity toward me that neither I nor my therapist nor the marriage counselor could understand. It turned out that he was (at least) having an emotional affair with a woman at work. I too think my husband was a terrible coward for having to use me as the excuse for why the marriage wouldn't work instead of recognizing and admitting his own feelings.

Guilt can bring out all sorts of unusual emotions in people. Often they don't even realize what is happening in their own heads. It has taken me these years to figure out some of these things. In the end, I can see that in my own situation his leaving was the best thing that could have happened to me. It opened up the whole world, and after about three years of being paralyzed, I have started taking advantage of the opportuunities the world has to offer. If I think about it, I can do most anything I want to if I apply myself, and I am.

When my mother divorced, it ruined her. She felt like a failure for the rest of her life. She drank herself to death. I lost her around the same time that my husband left. She was only 62.

Again, I am very sorry for your pain. I hope that with time things will work out for you and you will find peace in a new path.

Sending warm thoughts your way,
Poseygurl

"Life and death, loss and possession are one: There falls no shadow where there shines no sun."
- Shakespeare

wil, I'm so sorry to hear that things are going so badly. It seems so unfair - you were willing to tough it out, and he decides to give up. I'm just guessing, but it sounds to me like you hit the nail on the head saying he's a big chicken, and he doesn't want to have to go through the hard work to make things right between you.

I can totally understand your fear - one thing that has really helped me deal with my fear and anxiety about being alone is to work on building my support network, connecting more with women at work, and keeping in touch better with my friends. I've even started going to a support group. If you don't have a strong support network, you could look into whether there is a support group around that might help. I know our local papers list meetings, so you could look there, or you could call a local hospital, or mental health clinic and see if they might know of one.

And of course, this is a terrific place to get support and encouragement! : )

Good luck, and let us know how you are doing.
mj

Poseygurl,
Yes, his leaving was the best thing to happen to you, a man like that no women needs, I can relate to it some what, it is amazing how when a partner is suffering from depression, etc. (which they probably contributed to) can't take the pressure and seek out somone to have an affair with, that is such a damn joke! Here, the other partner is torotured with depression, not of their want, and then, wham another thing to set your world off!! Posey, you don't need people that in your life and what you wrote here, sounds that you have come a long way You are quite an inspiration there lady
"darkeyes"

You are showing great strength. You may not feel it now, but I can see it. You are afraid, probably not just for yourself, but I bet for your husband as well. It sounds to me like he is very scared and has so much going though his mind right now that he doesn't know what to do. All I can say is try to offer him gentle support, and perhaps he will turn around. In time, he will see life more clearly. As things change for him, he may give you some support back. What you need to do for YOURSELF now is to make sure that you always have your own support system. Call / Write / Email / Fax / Whatever you can to friends, family, coworkers, therapist, pastor, women's group, whoever you can trust to listen. Of course your friends here at the forum always welcome you! If you check the newspaper, radio station, hospital, or a local college you should be able to find info on women's groups or other groups of interest, too. Things like this are good for anybody, so you may learn and wish to share the information with someone else you know as well. Writing a letter to yourself or an imaginary person can help mend the feelings you experience now, too. Well, I hate to make a long post, so I'll end here. Remember that we are always here for you, for love and support, and great ideas.