[SeptemberMorn]

gentle heart for children? Seeing my granddaughter again for the first time after the "birthday cake incident" is really bothering me! I don't want to see her!

Edit: I realize I didn't give much information now...

Almost a year and a half ago, my granddaughter, the Light of my Life (back then) asked me to make her a Barbie Cake, which I did. The day of her birthday party arrived and so did I with the Barbie cake. She met me at our RV and pretty much dismissed my cake saying that her grandma had made her one. I reacted which I shouldn't have but I didn't do what she accused me of. She told her parents that I had said words to her that she wasn't allowed to repeat and I had also said that "I hate you and I never want you to come to my house ever again!!" She was believed by all and as a consequence I haven't been able to see her for the past year and a half. I haven't been able to see my grandsons, either.

After working things out with my DIL, I finally am able to see the kids Saturday at the two oldest's T-ball/baseball games. I'm dying to see the boys but it really hurts to have to see Autumn again face to face.

The plan is for me to just sit on the sidelines and watch the game but I will not be approaching her in any way. You see, her parents told her that she doesn't have to talk to me if she doesn't want to. I don't agree but maybe it's a good thing. I might not want to talk to her, either.

There's a whole bunch of feelings I have but don't have the first clue how to deal with, except... to keep my mouth shut. That's one of the "Boundaries" that got set for my by my DIL.

Help?

[nothemama8]

Tomi how old was she? and what all happened, pm me if needed
Angie

[SeptemberMorn]

I've filled in more info, Angie. She was turning 6. She is now 7 1/2 and still remembers her story word for word. A normal 6/7 yr old would have forgotten all about it in a couple of weeks. She's precocious but doesn't have a photographic memory, if you know what I mean.

[sabby]

(((((((((( Tomi ))))))))))

What a truly hurtful situation. I'm so sorry you are going through this. But I'm also glad that you are working towards some re-unification with the family.

You must be quite anxious in many ways about Saturday. I can certainly understand that. I suppose if you go to the game with no expectations, then you won't be disappointed. You may also be surprised with attention from the boys and your granddaughter. I guess you won't know until you go.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that things work out for the best! Remember to breathe :-)

Hugssssssss
J

[nothemama8]

awwwwww it's the 7 yr old going on teenie bopper act, Tomi, just go watch the game and treat her like she didn't do anything last year if she comes up to you tell her after last year you find it hard to relate to her cuz she plain out lied and you don't accept that kind of behaviour, then enjoy the boys
Angie

[mrb020377]

Tomi I remember first hand how upset you were when this happened. I know the hurt and the pain you went through. I know that you are excited to see the boys. i know you dont really want to see her. But you need to go to that game and watch those boys being boys playing ball. Maybe, just maybe she will see you and will realize that she has missed you. keep you chin up! you are a great person and i dont not believe for one tenth of a second that you would ever tell her that you hated her and never wanted to see her again.. i just dont believe it!

thinking about you!!!!!!

tomi......i remember when all this happened and it upset me then but it upsets me more now!....boundaries???????.....your grandaughter is 7 and a half......it apalls me that your dil allowed your granddaughter to show that much disrespect for her grandma!.its a horrible shame.....i hope that you go saturday and enjoy the boys......

[almostangela]

Children learn by example. You need to show her unconditional love, forgiveness and kindness. She was 6 and still a naive 7 1/2 year old, and does not know how to edit what she thinks. This is good because it reveals to the adults what needs to be worked on and gives us a chance to teach her how to be a good person.

[SeptemberMorn]

... To all who have responded:

If it was just me, I'd dunn her for lying about me! You bet I would! That's exactly what's bothering me. Her parents won't allow it! They are still operating under the idea that I "traumatized" her!

She'd freak out when she knew Jerry was going over to their house, afraid that I was coming, too. If she actually did freak out, it was probably fear that I was going to say or do something to her about her lie. I can't do that now. My hands are tied with the "boundaries" her mother has set up.

My sense of integrity isn't allowing me to project anything positive for when I see her. I don't really think she'll ignore me because she's been telling her dad, my son, to tell me this or that when we've been on the phone. She won't get on the phone and tell me, but she insists her dad tell me. Actually, I've been glad that she won't get on the phone. I don't want to talk to her.

It's my own feelings that I'm battling. Going on the fact that I can't say or do anything that might be misunderstood by her mom, I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and swallow my feelings. If ya'll could come up with a different mind set for me, I'd sure appreciate it.

There's a poem I wrote about the incident in CC. It's called "A Light Went Out." I sent a copy of it to her mom last month but she deleted it. She didn't allow my son to read it, probably because my feelings are encapsulated in that poem. I'd like for him to read it, anyway. It won't do any good to email it again, because she'll no doubt make an issue of it or won't let John read it again. I feel he has to know. SOMEONE besides Jerry needs to know how I feel!! Ya'll know, but you won't be there at the ball game to stand up for me.

[mrb020377]

i would be there at the ball game if i could! i would stand up for you! but that is cause i kinda like you...but dont tell anyone ok??? he he he

[SeptemberMorn]

I know my son's oldest boy is excited about seeing me. He's told his dad and it was relayed to me. Yes, I'm excited about seeing him, too. The youngest boy is only a yr old. I haven't seen him since the day he was born. I don't need to tell you how excited I am about that! I finally get to "Gramatize" him! LOL He could pass for my oldest grandson's twin 15 yrs later! BEAUTIFUL!!!

Maybe I should be concentrating on these things but the pain of seeing my granddaughter again is overshadowing everything.

[(JD)]

tisk tisk concentrate on the postitive lady!!!

When she sees how great you really are (dismissing any adult interventions of messin') she'll want your attention again. Don't force it, but make it available (I know you can.) I agree, it's the child wanting to be an adult. She's copying and learning how to, maybe not all good stuff, but she'll sort through it as she grows up.

Ok.. so tell us how you plan on Gramatizing him! I will take notes

[Peanut61]

She's only seven, ((Tomi)) - You've got to be the hero in the situation and I know you can. If anyone should've responded differently, it was your son & DIL, but that was then, and now your granddaughter who I know you love will be with you again. Let the anger go, (I know, easier said than done, but I bet you'll never regret it!).

Your friend, Jillers

[SeptemberMorn]

That's about how I feel. Half of me is laughing and half of me is crying.

But ok... to gramatize Aiden, I will see if he willingly comes to me. If he does, then I'll talk and coo to him, maybe find something that makes him laugh and when I've managed to get him comfortable with me, I'll start by kissing his neck, then give him raspberries. If he's okay with that, I'll hug him to pieces, maybe take a gentle nibble here and there. I'll probably grab his fat little legs and squeeze gently and see if he's got a ticklish spot. When I get him completely comfortable with me, I'll put him in a laying position in my arms and EAT SOME RIBS!!! LOL Of course, this will be accompanied by growls, snorts, sticking my nose between the ribs and I'll finish up by "sniffing his armpits." David used to do that to John even into the age where John understood, "John, come here and let me sniff your armpits." Ding dong John would slowly raise his arm and as he gathered his courage, make his way to David. David would slowly pick him up and ask him of he was ready. By this time, John was already giving out with peals of laughter. David would ceremoniously take a sniff and then another then would stick his nose in his armpit and take a big whiff. I won't torture Aiden that badly. I'll just take a whiff or two with my nose right in his armpit. If the need arises, I'll also change his diaper and when he's squeeky clean, I'll take a bite of his fat little butt! Of course, any of this will only happen if he's totally comfortable and happy with me.

If I know Austin, the older boy, he'll pull his pants down and dare me to bite his butt, too! After all, his dad still does it! John and I will be teasing back and forth and I'll say something he doesn't like and he'll say "Bite me!" or "Kiss my butt!" and I'll say bring it here and I will!" He does and he pulls his pants to half-mast for me to either bite or kiss... which I do!

I'm gonna hafta "eat Austin all gone," too!

Now see what you did??? You made me tell my family secrets!

[nothemama8]

[SeptemberMorn]

John just called me. He's nervous about tomorrow, too! I told him not to worry about me. Anything that could happen tomorrow can't hurt like the last yr and a half has hurt. Besides, he told me Austin is all excited about seeing me tomorrow, even got on the phone and told me so... then he started whimpering because Daddy said no video games. It's time to go outside and play. I kissed Austin over the phone and told him I love him. He really started bawling then and told me he loves me, too. Nothing like driving his Bela crazy! I can't wait to see him tomorrow!! Got to hear the baby cooing and giggling at his daddy. Have mercy! This grandma's heart is about to burst!!

[nothemama8]

don't worry Tomi, I'll send band aids and tissues if needed lol

[SeptemberMorn]

I'm sure there's going to be more than just me that needs them, Angie! LOL

[bebop]

I do understand your hurt over this. my grandson lies about people also. I think it is something in them now days to lie. it is so very sad to know parents believe these lies. I would talk to her if she approaches you and do it in front of your son and dil and tell her how bad she hurt you. I do that to my grandson. it kind of shames them but not in a hurtful way. more to let them know that you know they are lying. have fun with the boys at the game!

[SeptemberMorn]

I wish you could really be there!

I promise I won't tell anyone you "kinda like" me!

[bebop]

lol hon I wish I could too. sure would be fun lol

[SeptemberMorn]

Oh, I'm going to be there come hell or high water! Whatever happens with Autumn, happens, but I'm not letting this little pipsqueek stand between me and my son ... or her two brothers!

I'll keep her mother's "boundaries" but I'm keeping mine, too.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{Jillers}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Hon, it's not anger, it's PAIN, intense pain! It's not only at her but her mother as well for having it go so long and to not believe a single word I've said.

This little girl's light has gone out for me. Strange as it may seem, I knew it was going to happen. After all, didn't my daughter also betray me with lies? I haven't had that kind of trouble with any of the males in my family; not sons, not grandsons. That's something I haven't gone into all this time, but it was there.

I'll behave like the good, loving grandmother, but I'll never trust that little girl again. I don't ever want to be alone with her again. My dreams of guiding her into a healthy, balanced and productive teen age years and adulthood are gone.

[SeptemberMorn]

[SeptemberMorn]

Most parents take the easy way out, either that, or they are in denial that THEIR child could ever do something like that. Autumn's parents sat in front of me, looked me in the face and told me of several things that Autumn got wrong that day, but OH NO! Not that! Whatever! John's behavior with me proves to me that he missed me, that he still loves me as much as he ever did and that what little I can tell him about the situation, he believes. I get to see the boys, too. I haven't seen the baby since he was a day old in the NICU. He's a yr old now. Can't wait! TODAY!!! TODAY!!! ... Yikes!