I cheated I'm a horrible person.

I don't know what to do.. my husbsnd and I have been together for almost 7 years married a year and a half. 6 months ago I graduated nursing school and begin my career as a nurse. Since then me and my husband have had so many issues between communication, arguments, bickering, name calling. In September of this year my husband went to a bachelor party at a strip club even though he knows I hate strip clubs, I let him go. My number one rule I've had ever since I met him was no lap dances at strip clubs. My husband promised me he would never get a lap dance and well to my surprise that night he did have a lap dance. He did not tell me about it I asked him and asked him and asked him and he lied over and over again. Until about the 50th time I asked him he finally told me the truth. I was devastated I wanted him to leave I told him I hated him and I didn't know if I could be with him anymore. He cried he begged and pleaded for me to stay and about 5 days later I told him I loved him and I stayed. After that happened we began to fight more, lack communication and problems kept coming and coming and coming. Then in October I made such a dumb decision I began to talk and text someone outside of our marriage. I did not have intercourse with this person I did kiss him once and we hung out about 4 times. This went on for about a month and a half and my husband found out about it 4 days ago when he went through my phone. My husband told me to move my stuff out, he did not love me anymore and that he wanted a divorce. I am so sorry for what I have done I told him I will do anything to fix it I'm going to with therapist tomorrow to see if she can help me. I hope my husband can give me a second chance like I did for him when the strip club thing happened. I know our situations are somewhat different but I was in his shoes and felt betrayed and lied to before. Please help me and tell me what you think I should do . I wish I could turn back time

You both need to chill out ..
You and him both need to forgive each other and let it go and have a clean slate

(((((((dnurse91)))))))

I'm sorry you have been through so much. Give your husband time and maybe joint counseling would be good.

Don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself. You forgave him and maybe now he will have the chance to forgive you.

Good luck.

Maybe give each other some time and space to sort this stuff through. And if both of you agree to joint counselling, then perhaps it'll be helpful.

You made a horrible mistake. This does NOT make you a horrible person.
Take some time and hopefully you and your husband can get through this together. Work together and try some personal and couples therapy. Best of luck!

This happened to me a couple months ago except bf and I are not married been together for 9 yrs. It happen when an ex of mine from 10 yrs ago (finally came to terms that he is an ex) came into town where we were just gonna have lunch and that was it. I kept seeing him just kissing/making out he confessed his love for me that he is in love with me and been like that for a few years.

He is in the Army, he and my boyfriend have met don't like each other. My bf was really hurt but he also cheated on me by cybering with women online and placing an ad looking for suga momma so we can have money - this was last year. He almost broke up with me, but I really wanted to work this out. The army guy, his old patterns were coming out and he insulted my kissing style. I was told he was back in town for the holidays and he never contacted me good. I did block his number and facebook can't believe he lied to me again.

My boyfriend and I took a break which was hard we were in friend status. We were suppose to come together and talk about what we both wanted from each other, which didn't even happen yet. It doesn't feel like we are on break now, but don't understand why he didn't say anything so we can talk about it. I have reminded him he said we will talk soon and it's almost January! I am not gonna remind him again, sister told me not to remind him that he is a grown man he should remind himself.

We are still together. Your story sounds like mine....

I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with pretty much everyone on here. You both can get through this if you are willing to forgive each other. Counseling can be extremely helpful for both of you to walk through this. HUGS!

~Ducktapetherapy77

Sorry, but he broke the trust bond first with the lap dance. If you want to save the marriage, I suppose counseling could help. I wouldn't feel like a horrible person, I think you were just reacting to HIS mistake. If he can't forgive you, he is very self centered. You will find someone else. Big hug and please keep us posted.

As lap dances are standard practice at strip clubs, it shouldn't be a surprise that he had one. Some strip clubs are no contact so there may not have been any contact. There's usually no emotional intimacy in a lap dance, but making out with one's ex would usually involves some intimacy, so you husband feels betrayed. Not that he should be going to strip clubs.

Yip, I can see why he feels betrayed enough to call it quits.


There's a huge difference between a lap dance from a professional stranger (not condoning his behaviour) and an intimate kiss with someone you intentionally took the time to form a connection with...


I find it strange that both of you have such extreme (divorce) reactions to each others actions, yet both of you stepped over that "marriage" line. I would've expected at least one of you tow the line...


Marriage counseling is only a viable option if both parties are interested in salvaging the marriage.


Good luck and take care.

Although no one agrees, I still think him having a lap dance (against his wife's wishes) and then lying about it constitutes a serious breach of trust. She didn't kiss an ex, she kissed someone she just recently connected with and although it wasn't a great choice, I still think it was done in retaliation and probably meant nothing.
She was probably feeling very betrayed and who can blame her. Lap dances do come with an amount of shared intimacy that should really be reserved for inside of the marriage.
I hope the marriage can be saved and nothing but complete disclosure from here on out should be required from both parties.

Sorry, I misread another poster's comments as the OP's.

Lots of marriages come back from these kinds of things; couple's counseling would be a good idea. You should look into "Emotionally Focused Couple's Therapy" and see if this type of therapy might be a good fit for you. Feeling hopeless, insecure, unsure of what to do is different from feeling detached and ready to move on from a relationship. You also mentioned that you have both threatened to leave the relationship in one way or another over time - our brain's perceive this as a threat and it creates distance and influences behaviours in the relationship.

It's important to look at how your relationship was before the 'incident(s)' - likely you [both] have felt distant from each other in the relationship...maybe not getting what you need from the other and/or perhaps not asking for what you need (and there are lots of reasons why we don't ask for what we need). There are likely things you both brought into the relationship from your pasts that influence how you perceive the other person (e.g., seeing them as critical, cold, withdrawn, attacking etc.) and how you see yourself in the relationship (e.g., am I worthwhile? am I loveable?). Of course it'll also be important to address the incidents and how that has also effected the marriage.