[booboo66]

My husband of eight years is constantly making unreasonable demands, yelling at me until I am just overwhelmed by his anger, name calling and threats (to leave me and our son). If I try to leave the house to escape his angry outbursts, he will block the doors with his body and dare me to make a move. Other times, I have become so frightened, that I am on the ground shaking and crying uncontrollable. After being forced to listen to his tirades for hours, I am unable to go to work because I can’t stop shaking or crying.
After his outbursts in which he sometimes blames me for everything bad in his life, even things that happened years before I met him, he would turn around and then act like nothing happened. Two or even three weeks will pass and he is Mr. Happy and expects the same from me. He is often angry when I enjoy myself or others do nice things for me. He has on several occasions blown up at me and stopped speaking to me for days because I laughed with his sister. He says that I need to put that effort into him and our relationship. I spend so much time and effort doing things for and with him but he is never pleased or even grateful. I readily admit when I am right and wrong but I don't see myself as his downfall.
He talks constantly of his problems and my role in causing them. For hours at a time and demands that I don't say one word. I was assaulted 3 years ago and he never wants to talk about that or any of my needs. He has also had two affairs that I know of and one that I suspect. This weekend was the final straw for me. He once again began his tirade against me and did it in front of our son. He then told me that I could not leave the room that I was in and stood in the doorway to block my exit. He dared me to try and push past him and steadily blocked every move I made to leave the room by pushing me back with his chest and arms. Finally I had to call 911 in order to be able to move freely within my own home. The police said that since he did not hit me, they could do nothing. Now he is calling me at work, yelling at me for calling 911. He now states that I could have gotten out of the bedroom and that I was wrong to call the police.
Is he crazy or am I just a no good, unfeeling, lazy evil woman? I am so depressed and always afraid to go home and face the music. His attacks are more frequent and I don't want to expose my son to them anymore.
I have to make a change and need some advice on figuring out what to do next. Right now we are attending counseling. But his tirades continue. He says that I make him so angry that he has no choice but to act out against me. Is there any hope in trying to work out this marriage? What can I do to protect my child and myself during his rages?

[Zenobia]

For the sake of you and your child please get out of that house now. Find a friend or go to your parents. He needs counseling in the worst way. Until he gets that help you are in danger of things escalating from verbal abuse to physical abuse. He won't change until he gets help. The cycle will go over and over again. You can call an abuse hotline to get help in figuring out where to go and what to do now. Please get help for this situation as soon as possible because this can have profound affects on the development of your child. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM! You are not evil. You are not the downfall of his existance. He tells you these things to make you feel as if you are not good enough and don't deserve to be treated better. Please Please Please call the abuse line. I wish I had the nationwide phone number with me. I will get it today if I can and put it on here.

I wish I didn't sound so alarmed and could give you soothing advice but I was friends with a woman who lived this way for years until one day he hit her. Finally she felt it was ok for her to get out of the relationship. You don't have to wait until he hits you, you can get a better life now. If you feel guilty about leaving him you can tell yourself that he will be better off because once you get out of the house he might realize just how much he needs help.
Take care,
Zen<font color=blue>

Deal with the difficult while it is still easy. Solve large problems when they are still small. Preventing large problems by taking small steps is easier the solving them. Therefore, the Tao person anticipates and lives wisely, by small actions accomplishing great things.--From the Tao Te Ching

[Kiddo]

Hi-

I have to agree with everything that Zen said.

The longer you wait, the more harmful it is to you and your son. The emotional repercussions for your son alone is just cause to leave.

Your husband is controlling, abusive, refuses to take responsibility for his own life, and whether or not your son *sees* his actions every time it occurs, he's learning by example. He may grow up traumatized or believing this type of behavior is acceptable.

Leave him ASAP, have a restraining order placed upon him if needed. He won't be allowed to call or contact you.

Hope that helps-

Kiddo

Hookt on fonix reely wurkt for me!!!

[rainstouch]

"Is he crazy or am I just a no good, unfeeling, lazy evil woman?" Neither one is correct but it is what you are living right now. I assume you love him. First and foremost protect your child from this abuse. It is abuse when he attacks you, but try if you can to understand it is not you who he attacks but is his. Seperate yourself from his stuff. Your child is the absolute first one you need to consider in this situation. Next, after you have made your child safe(have your parents take him, a friend, someone you trust), you need to look at why you are willing to be subjected to ridicule and verbal abuse. Seek counseling and then you will be able to understand your husband's attack on you and most importantly your willingness in accepting this behavior. I had a wonderful therapist who said to me "stay where you are until you can't stand it anymore" What can you stand? The verbal abuse to you is probably familiar. If you want to protect your child from the abuse remove them from the home. The amount of the abuse that has already taken place has already affected your child. Seek counseling, first. See someone who can guide you. I pray for the best outcome. rainstouch

[ranzi]

Your husband is totally in the wrong here. YOU are the victim. Remove yourself and your son from this household IMMEDIATELY. Your husband is on the way to becoming physically abusive. Everything that you have said indicates this. This place should help quite a lot... just looking at it I think you will be able to figure out what to do.

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.leavingabuse.com/>http://www.leavingabuse.com/</A>

Here's a hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE(7233)

Whatever it takes, GET OUT NOW!! I hope the best for you.

ranzi

i'm gonna get free

[bptoo]

booboo,

Please rid your mind of any thoughts of you being the cause of this abuse. I know abuse is a strong word, but in this case, that is exactly what it is. He is terrifying you and that is abusive behavior. Your primary concern as the others have said should be to remove yourself and your son from this situation ASAP. If you want to work on the relationship, do it from a safe distance.

I'm wishing you all the best with this and I hope you'll stay in touch with us. Please take good care of you and your son.

bptoo

"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was
'committed'."