SOOOOOOOO Confused!!

Well, I am a 28 year old mother of a three year old son and a two year old daughter. I found out last year that my husband had an affair. It started while I was pregnant with my son and didn't end until after I was pregnant with my daughter. The anger is gone, but the hurt and the thoughts are still there. I can't quit thinking about it. I've told him that I want to seperate. I think that a divorce would probably be the best way for me not to dwell on it so much. The problem with a divorce is that I've been a stay at home mom. I haven't had a job in over a year and have no income. I've thought about staying for financial reasons or at least until I'm more financially stable. I've been e-mailing my ex-boyfriend (whose always stayed a friend). I've never really stopped caring for him. Lately his e-mails have been a bit teasing. At this point with my relationship being what it is, I would love to get a divorce and be with my ex. I really just don't know what to do. Please, help!

I see this is your first post - so Welcome!

I think one step at time is the way to go. Stop all comunication with your ex-boyfriend. Any contact with him will just cloud your judgement.

Divorce, unfortunately, will not stop the anger or dwelling on this event. I went through a divorce and my wife was at home - she is now a student getting lots of aid to help her finish. Our divorce was related to each of our mental conditions.

By the way if you want to stay in it - all correspondance - voice mails, emails, etc should be monitored and he should not have a problem with this. If he does then he doesn't place the marriage very high.

And yes I would give the same advice to a guy who found out his wife cheated.

A man who hates seeing others fail in their fidelity.

By the way there is a reason I'm guessing why your ex-boyfriend is an "ex"?

My ex is an ex because we were young and we were not really ready for a serious relationship at that moment. We never really had a good reason why we broke up.

So do you think you can cut ties with him while you sort this out. You know dangling a carrot in front of your eyes will most likely have you go after it.

It will take time before you would want to think about another relationship as your marriage is still not resolved....

I didn't talk to him at all when I was "happily" married. Part of the problem is that he was and is one of my best friends. I've dealt with the affair, we've done counseling, and I've finally decided that it's not going away. I hate to say it but I would probably give up just about anything to be with him again.

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I do agree to move slowly, and not rush into anything.

If you want to be with your ex-boyfriend, I suggest keeping in contact with him, but don't move into real-life contact just yet. If you're going for a divorce, get that done first.

The biggest issue is probably employment. I understand being afraid and worrying about your lack of recent employment. I haven't worked in several years, and have very little experience, as it is.

You can't count on your ex taking care of you, because you could jump into a relationship with him, and have it not work out, and then you're back in the same boat. I don't know how close you are to him, but if he's doing ok financially, he might be willing to help you out a bit, but you should still work on finding some income. If you have good job skills, you might be able to find work quickly. Good luck.

I have started my own business and it's finally started to yield some income. Granted, it has only been one sale, but it's a start. I don't plan on moving in to anything with my ex until my divorce goes through. Although we are moving towards divorce, I still take the marriage vows seriously. Things are slowly starting to work themselves out. I'm starting to think that I'm not doomed.

If you need any advice regarding the actual divorce part please PM me - sorry about how strong I came on - I guess it hit a nerve from my Dad's infidentally and subsequent distruction of the family unit...