[January]

Thank God literally my Mom managed to heal enough to come home from the nursing home. I am so grateful. My brother, neice and I have all been trying hard to take good care of her. She stayed with me almost all of this past week because her furnice broke and it was too cold for her to stay home. That was ok. It made us both nervous because this is a very small apartment, but we made do and it worked.

A member of my immediate family, (and the one I love the most in the whole world), has allowed his wife to say vicious and nasty lies about me that are totally untrue. I am devastated beyond belief. I love his wife and I love their children. They are my family. How do you "unlove" family. You just don't.

Mom called me and informed me she had received a phone call from her and a set of pictures of the kids. She told me how beautiful they are and how happy she was to get the pictures. Of course, since no one is speaking to me, I didn't get any pictures. Also, he called Mom from Iraq. I didn't get a call of course, because he's not speaking to me.

I asked her if she at least mentioned my name to him and Mom exclaimed, "No! If I had he might not call me again!"

Well, thank you so very much, Mother. She's better and the pattern is starting again. I don't think I can stand going back to the old patterns again. I just don't think I can stand to be sacrificed yet once again.

I have to go to her house tomorrow. If anyone reads this, please pray for me or send positive thoughts or whatever positive things you do.

Thank you for reading this.

Jan

[capricorn]

Jan,
Sometimes the biggest 'hurts' happen because of the responses from the people we 'love (family).
Sometimes it's not worth trying to change them.
You can help stop the 'vicious cycle' by taking a 'step back' from all the emotion surrounding what you've talked about. Perhaps making a mental note of what you can and can't change. Be quietly firm about it and maintain your self-pride.
Some people behave poorly, maybe not because of something you've done or said, but maybe something else that they are unable to manage in their lives.
If people see that you are unaffected by their unjustified (?) behaviours towards you, they lose the 'power' of effect on you and hopefully 'back-off'.
Hope your mum stays well. That is important to you.
Carry on making your life what you want it to be and cherish the harmonious contact with the ones you love (e.g. mum).
If you've done nothing 'wrong', keep your chin up and enjoy the good things in your life.

do NOT give her your power, Jan.

[bebop]

Jan I have a brother I didn't talk to for years because of his wife too. I would always ask my mom to tell him I loved him. She never would. When she got sick he and I finally started talking again. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I know how hard it is hon. I am with you!

[January]

((((((((((((((( Friends ))))))))))))))

Thank you so much. I will try hard not to give into the emotions and use my brain instead.

Hugs,

Jan

[Wants2Fly]

Some people believe that some groups (such as families) need a scapegoat for dysfunctional reasons. Sounds like it might be you.

I'm so sorry Jan.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((January))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[January]

Trust me, Wants. I've always been the black sheep and the one on the bottom of the totem pole. I'm so far down the totem pole it's a wonder that I'm not underground.

Hugs,

Jan

i love black sheep. we blend in, together, so easily.

[muse]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jan))))))))))))))))))))))))
Massive hugs for you, Jan, because I know how devistating it is when family turns nasty towards you. Not to that degree, but the hurt is the same, I believe. I'm sending TONS of positive everything your way--energy, hugs, love, luck--the works!

luck&love
(and hope things improve)
~muse

Jan, I'm sorry you experience family struggles so much like mine.

I have a sister that hasn't talked to me for 3 years now... and in the past it's been as long as 8 years. My mom likes it when us siblings are at odds with each-- I think she "shines" at feeling as the "go between" person. so she will even make up stories to keep us apart from each other...... that's why "exclusions" are so very painful for me..... it hurts my heart.

I hope that you can stay strong... maybe all of us posting will help you to feel less alone-- excluded?... we are here for you and you can be in my family any time!

Jan--

mandy

[sunrise]

(((((((Jan)))))))

((( Jan )))

Sigh.

[January]

((((((((((( My Dear Friends )))))))))))))

Today was a nightmare. I'm not supposed to have any feelings. I'm not supposed to do anything when hurtful things are slammed in front of me.

I literally thank God for my medications. I literally thank God for my friends here. What in the world would I do without you?

Hugs,

Jan

you'd do what i did before i found this place. stuffed my emotions and suffered like hell.

[January]

Yes, and that's why I've tossed my cookies and had a colitis flare for several days. Aack!

Hugs,

Jan

[Wants2Fly]

So sorry that things still aren't improving, Jan. Hugs.

[January]

((((((((( Wants )))))))))))

Thank you. I called this morning and asked to be worked in to see the pdoc. She tried so hard, but she didn't tell me anything I didn't know. She affirmed what I thought, which was nice. I really, honestly thought my Mom had changed... and sometimes she is still that nice little lady that we brought home from the nursing home. When it comes to me though, it hasn't changed.

Hugs,

Jan