Serious Anger Rage Issues Please Help

90% of the time I am fine no problem, my spouse seems to know how to push my right buttons and she is never wrong, it's always my fault. Well generally I can avoid an argument but some times I lose it and all hell breaks loose. We have twins a boy and girl 10 years old and I feel she is trying to turn them against me. We don't get along as well as we use to when they were younger. They pull away from me and don't always talk to me and that hurts me. When i bring this issue up with my spouse she immediately blames me. I asked her why she has to act this way in front of the kids. Why doesn't she try to support me some times and help me get closer to the kids. She secretly records our argument hoping to catch me in rage. She plays head games with me.

I'm on lamactal (just started it) welbutin and klonopin and as I said I am usually just fine! I get no emotional support from her. She calls my requests pity parties. I am at the end of my rope. I don't know what else to do. My children are my life without them I really don't care what happens to me. I feel she is pushing me deliberately to my limit.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I am sorry to hear about your anger rage issues that you are experiencing (((Sinking Feeling)))

It's a challenge indeed being in a relationship where one side recognises what may need addressing or acknowledgment in order to move forward to enjoy a more productive relationship together.

I am sorry that this pushes you over the edge.

The reasons for your kids moving a little bit away from you may be to give you a little bit of space because they realise through the anger that you display that you are quite upset so they are giving you some space to breathe.

Yes, it's tricky when you try to bring up issues with your spouse and it gets put back on you and this seems to be a bit of a circle?

Well I am not entirely sure why she records the arguments. I am wondering if may have asked her about this. If I was recording someone in an argument. I'd have a very strong motive for doing so. I wonder what motivates her.

Lamactal is quite a good mood stabiliser.

However, please be kind to yourself. It will take a while because you still have to work up to an optimal level in your system.

I know how much you love your children.

This situation sounds to me like perhaps maybe you could see a mediator?

Are you seeking any support from someone in real life? Sometimes it really does help to speak to a professional in order to see something from a different perspective. Sometimes when somebody else explains something to us from their perspective; and it is a neutral third party; we may understand a bit better things that may be happening that we possibly may not have been originally aware of.

I think this sounds to me like your spouse has some very real issues and in addition just as importantly; I believe it sounds to me like you have some very real issues.

My wish for you is that you find some common ground.

A middle man who can articulate things to each other in order for both of you to gain a broader perspective.

You're not happy with the way things currently stand, understandably so.

I wish for you some comfort in this time of trouble.

We have been to counseling together, our counselor told me he did not want to see her any more. Then she found a female counseler and convinced her I was abusive towards her and she became totally biased. The only reason I stay in this relationship is because I love my kids and I don't want to see another man raise them or try to be their father. I am their father! But frankly we have exhausted every channel and I fear this will end ugly. I am hoping to hang in there for 6 more years. The kids will be 16. They won't really want any part of either of us at that age. I dunno if I can make it that long. I fear either I will hurt her or myself one of these days she pushes me too far. For a intelligent woman she is pretty stupid in pushing me too far. Thank you for your support, or as the ***** would call it, my pity party.

Whoa.

Your story is not atypical. Some women do indeed go into therapy and convince their therapist that their partner is abusive, and it goes downhill from there, because the therapist only hears one side of the story and therefore supports the client. Ya, its sort of what therapists are supposed to do, support the so called battered wife, but I have a feeling there is no training where a therapist is taught how to pick out those who lie and exaggerate. It also happens in couples counseling where one person will manipulate the counselor into believing that the other partner is abusive, and it becomes a 2 on 1 situation.

Sadly, you may be at the point where you need to get out NOW if you want any sort of future with your kids. She's already recording your arguments.......so yes, you WILL appear to be abusive to a judge, mediator, etc because the other 99% of the time that you are fine will not be shown. And again, society is programmed to believe the "battered wife" so the odds are indeed stacked against you.

I realize this as well. The other issue is just as complicate. I'm sure she does not "love" me, her lack of support and empathy shows that. But she does what little she has to because she does not work. So we stay together forsake of the kids and to keep a house for them. Our marriage if you want to call it that, is for convenience. I really would not like to see the kids loose the house, she does not work and of course I would be painted the bad guy abandoning them.Their mother would make it a point to show them how once again it is all my fault and because I can't face my problems I run away. I fear the kids will hate me. So it's pretty much damned if I do and damned if I don't. I just wish the lamacital would kick in but I'm still in the first 2 weeks of 25mgs and don't expect much at these low dosages. My other pdoc suggested I weed off the wellbutrin as she thinks it may be contributing to my anxiety and irritability. I hate to give it up because it fights my fatigue pretty well even if it does nothing for my depression or anxiety. I may have to try that though. It really seems like a no win situation for me and that has caused some very negative kind of thinking. I see no light at the end of this tunnel. I realize I am not the only one in a situation like this, and was hoping to hear what others in similar situations have done. All I do is work I have one day off and she may be works one day part time at the school, some times 2-3 days. My moods are all over the place. Up, down, angry, irritable, and very depressed at times. I think you know where this is going without me having to say it. I just want the pain to stop.