My Ex-Boyfriend Keeps Commenting on My Photos

I will make a long story short: I broke up with my (Bipolar 1) boyfriend 12 days ago and have told him on three separate occasions that we cannot be in contact for a full month. I told him this so that we may have time to heal.

I haven't spoken with him for nearly a week; he has been good about not contacting me. However, when I posted three photographs on Facebook earlier in the day, he commented on them saying things such as: "You're so beautiful...."

I feel as though he is still trying to contact me, although in a subtler way. This is after I've told him three times not to contact me.

Is he confused about what I meant when I said we needed to be apart and needed not to message one another? Or is he pushing the boundaries purposefully?

How should I respond to these comments? I am leaning towards ignoring them completely, but I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do.

Thank you in advance; it means a lot.

If you were to respond, what would you say?

I haven't a clue. I would probably "like" his comments, or at the most, say "thank you." I simply don't want to give the impression that I am leading him on; nor do I want to hurt him.

Well if it were me, I would take those proposed responses as encouraging signs that you might still be interested in me and are not serious about the "no messaging" plan.

Thank you for your response; it made a lot of sense. I haven't responded, and I do not plan to. Thank you again.

To make life and your ending the relationship easier.... Block him on Facebook, Problem solved

If you are not sure yet if the relationship is over for good, then I can understand you not blocking him on facebook. My impression is that you wanted to take a month's break from being with him. I think you should stick to what you decided, even if he doesn't. Making any response to his comments on your facebook page gives him the power to force you to interact.

Also, if you think there is a chance you two will get back together, then you don't want to teach him that what you say has no staying power. Then he'll learn that all he has to do is wait a bit and you will be back in the usual groove. I think he's testing you. I doubt very seriously that he is confused. He is gently pushing the boundary. But he does mean it to be flattering to you. He wants to keep the door open between you two.

If you do decide that this relationship is over, then do consider blocking him. But wait the month, as you decided. I think that, if you stick to your guns about not being lured into giving him any resppnse for a month, he will have more respect for you, whatever you decide about the relationship.

Thank you for your reply; it means a lot. I do not plan on getting back together with him, but I do want us to remain friends.

He attempted to contact me twice after we broke up and I told him on both occasions that we need to have no contact for a month (perhaps more) so that we have time to work through our emotions.

His comments have made it clear that he would like to get back together, and so I'm not certain if a friendship will be possible - especially so soon after we broke up.

Thank you again for your reply.

You've already set the boundary. he's still violating it by making comments on your fb - especially ones like that.

first thing is that if you broke up with the purposes of no longer pursuing things romantically, putting out a timeline for this is kind of odd.. in some guy's minds it might be a bit too much of a mixed signal even though I understand that's not what you were doing.

Secondly, coming back to him messaging you, it doesn't matter how, texting, emailing, commenting on fb, you set up the boundary and he is not respecting that. You can't control what he does, but you can control if he can get messages to you. Protect yourself and block him. Don't respond, that's exactly what he's trying to get you to do. violate your own rule. no response, just block after a month or however long you need, you can silently unblock him.

that's my suggestion.

Thank you so much for your reply; I truly appreciate it.

I made it very clear during our breakup – and when he contacted me twice thereafter – that I was permanently ending the romantic relationship. I also made it clear that we could be friends, but in order for that to happen, we needed to have no contact for a month (perhaps more) so that we could work through our emotions.

He agreed to the month of no contact, but less than a week later, he commented on my photographs.

As you pointed out, the timeline I set could very likely be sending mixed signals, and for this, I feel horrible. I didn’t know what to say at the time, for he was in a vulnerable and unstable state of mind – I believe this was due not only to our breakup, but to a manic/mixed Bipolar episode as well.

I still care for him very much and I want to be his friend. But as the weeks slowly pass, I’m starting to think this isn’t going to be possible.

Anyways, I’ve not replied to or ‘liked’ his comments on Facebook, and he hasn’t texted or directly messaged me in over a week. I suppose time will tell how this works out.

Again, I wanted to thank you for your reply. It means a lot.

You're very welcome. I never got the impression that anything you did was anything but trying to be compassionate about handling something clearly difficult for him. Don't feel bad, it's never easy being the one who has to end a relationship or for that matter "cut them off". Especially if your break up was on that wasn't about your stopping caring for the other person at all. If you still care about them all the harder it is. I feel for ya.

As for the time it takes, don't write him off even if it takes him awhile to get to a place where he can see you as a friend and nothing more. If there were serious feelings on his end, I don't believe honestly that a month off would be truly enough for someone to stop having romantic feelings for the one lost.

YOu sound like a nice person and I hope this works out for you both and you can be friends eventually.

12 days is a relatively short period and if he's bipolar then losing you may have put him in a compromised state where he's not able to recognize or respect your boundaries. A 'like' in response to his praise on Facebook doesn't come with qualifications, i.e. 'Thanks for the kind compliment, but it doesn't change anything.'

Don't encourage him if you need to be free of him.

I think you've made the right choice in not "liking" his comments on facebook. It is consistent with what you told him were your intentions. To the extent that this guy has bipolar issues, you being consistent just becomes that much more important.

You may be right about it being unrealistic to think that you and he are going to have much of a friendship going forward. Telling you that you look beautiful is not just a kind comment. His remark is romantic, which is why it makes you uncomfortable. You know he wants to reignite the romance, so I would advise making no response to comments like that. The month of no contact was, IMO, a very good idea to set the tone for transitioning out of a romantic involvement.

I don't think too many guys are much interested in being "buddies" with a girl who has decided to reject their romantic interest. You don't have to be enemies. So, alternatively, I guess it would be fine for you to tell him that you still consider yourself his friend . . . but you're not going to want to be all that close of a friend. So I wouldn't even throw around the term, friend, too much. Do you really want him to have ideas about hanging out with you after the month of no contact is over?

Eventually, you will become romantically involved with someone else. You'll probably talk about that with your real friends. Do you see yourself having chit chat with your ex about future guys you become interested in? You see how it gets to be inappropriate . . . and how he can't really be part of your inner circle?

I don't blame a guy for trying. He'ld like you to eventually take him back, so he's hanging on hoping to see that happen one day. If you know it's not a possibility, then best to keep your distance, not with hostility, but firmly . . . consistently.

Maybe it's his way of showing you that despite the break up he will always care about you ...

I"m not sure.

But.

This is making you uncomfortable and I think that you should voice your concerns with him because the utmost priority here is your own mental health and if it's not serving in your best interests then he shouldn't be doing it

Thank you to everyone for your thoughtful and kind replies.

It has been 17 days since my boyfriend and I broke up, and I agree with Rose in that a friendship no longer seems possible - especially a close one.

If I text and spend time with him after the month of no contact has passed, it will look as though I'm leading him on. He has made it clear that he would like to reignite the romance, and if I continue to communicate with him on a regular basis, he will misinterpret this as a sign of us getting back together.

We may be able to speak on occasion, but certainly not on a daily/weekly basis.

As well, Rose is right in that I won't be able to talk to him about future relationships - or anything personal, really. So a close friendship won't be possible.

What makes this twice as difficult is that his friends were my friends. Since we broke up, I've not hung out with anyone - nor has anyone asked me how I've been handling the situation. He, on the other hand, has hung out with his friends on multiple occasions and spoken with them at length.

Anyways - thank you again for the advice and kind words. It means so much and has given me a lot of perspective.