[bellaviolet]

this is the only place i could think to post this...... really need to get it out.....

i had this friend for most of my life, i'll call him k. we grew up together, our moms were good friends. he was a few years older than me, and always looked out for me. he was the one who would hold me and let me cry after my mom died, and the one who always told me i was special and worthwhile. i always had a crush on him. well, he went to africa with the peace corps, and right before he left he told me he'd always had a thing for me too. he said he'd be back..... but he started working with aids orphans and eventually opened a safehouse in lesotho. africa became his home. the other day i emailed him for the first time in a few years and got a reply yesterday. turns out he got married last year. i actually cried when i read that. i started to reply and found it very hard to say congratulations. i ended up scrapping the email. i know this is selfish and i hate myself for that selfishness, bu i can't help it. he was the closest i ever had to love, and i know that i'll never find anotther guy as good as him, who knows me and all my problems and loves me for me anyway. i want to be happy for him, and stay in touch with him but it hurts alot. even though i havent seen him in 7 years or talked to him in 2, he's always been there in my heart. hearing that hegot married makes me feel like there's no hope for me, like i'm just gonna be alone forever. i hate that feeling, and i hate myself for being sadder for myself than i am happy for him. it just really hurts.

[Direction]

That probably was shock. I'm sorry...

Hoping you will find that special man - sometimes its good to start out fresh without all the knowledge of your history.

[seeker1950]

Bell...
I have a ffiend much like you describe. Our friendship has lasted throughout our lives, and I'm 56. He's married and I respect that, have met his wife when they visited from far away a couple of years ago. We still exchange emails as friends, sharing thoughts about our childhood together, and, like your male friend, I feel no one else really knows me as he does. At the same time, I've had to distance myself from feeling any emotional attachment to him, though I'm still grateful for our continued communication.

Since you hadn't communicated with this fella for two years, and he is in a very challenging situation there in Africa, he met someone and went on with his life...much as my friend did so many years ago. Try to be happy for him, and tell him so.
Patty

[bellaviolet]

thanks direction...... i'm not sure i believe that "special man" exists for me..... i've mostly been used and tossed aside by every man i've ever gotten involved with. thats why i don't even bother dating anymore because i know what will happen. guess that's also why i've always had such a special place in my heart for this particular man, he's the only one who never used my weaknesses and lack of self esteem against me somehow. so i just try not to think about it too much.

[bellaviolet]

patty thanks for sharing that story.... i want to be happy for him, i really really do, no one deserves to be happy more than he does. and i know he wouldnt have married this woman if she wasnt special... it's just so hard to not think about "what might have been" and all that. to think about what i missed out on. but maybe if i give myself a little more time it'll be easier.

[Direction]

I know what you mean about finding that special person...

I'm really looking for someone who excepts me for me. I hope I can do the same for them.

we all want that "unconditional" love and we all deserve it!!! you aren't selfish, you're hurt. grieve and complete the process and talk to us about it. love, pat

[MadKitty]

Hello, i have posted something similar "getting over someone" the fact that he even replied to your email, means he still cares for you. not in the way you might want...but he is still there, be greatful for what you have and had with him, treasure your memories of him and the time you spent with him. be greatful that you can still communicate with him. and yes its time to move on...there will always be that special one - the one that got away most would say.

i know its hard to let go. but to heal its best to let go.

need to talk - pm anytime

(group hug)