Im Not Strong

I can't cope the pain of my friend disappearing and seeing him with someone new is gonna kill me. I'm trying to understand his situation , Does anyone else do this , stop talking to someone in your life for 15 yrs , and get a gf and then stop talking to you ?? I know he struggles with things , I'm trying to understand what happened , but the pain how do you cope .please help . ��

And its not the simple , a guy gets a gf and neglects his friends or forgets them. Really hoping those of you with Bipolar and or disassociation dispdercan help , because I think he suffers from something he has bad depression and has said its more at times. so really need advice ..

Sorry you are struggling. Sometimes people just don't want to be with Someone. It doesn't mean he has mental illness. Well he maybe does but that's usually not the reason person doesn't want to be with someone.

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You don't know the whole story, I'm sorry I can't tell the whole story , would make more sense . Trust me its not the way it sounds as far as being with someone. Thank you for responding means alot , wish i could tell whole story but can't , i just need a hug and some advice .Im trying to understand his illness.

Also he doesn't think he can bring himself to tell me because of our hidtory/long friendship and more at times, he wants to tell me but can't do it. He thought we could be together but not unless he can tell me and he's too scared to. When you say I think I can tell her cause there's no history and memories of how I should be? What does that mean?

Just try and take one day at a time. Without us knowing the whole story it's really hard to say.

I can't offer advice not knowing the situation,,, I can give you hugs

I am not sure how we can diagnose anyone online. I am sending you hugs but am not sure what else to advice . Besides telling us you are upset he has gf and not talking to you we know nothing else about you or him

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I understand Divine, thank you for listening, its hard because its not just the gf thing, yes that is hard for me , but its hard because i promised i wouldnt give away his issues, he trusted me with that and i cant betray him , we shared alot of secrets, things he only talked to me about and closeness , and then he was gone , next thing i know hes with someone, he was family to me above everything else , so its like a double whammy the gf thing but more so the not talking to me. I keep going over stuff , there was no signs, we were close, woke up and he disappeared. Struggling now.

Are you in therapy? That could help

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Im trying to understand though .. What he struggles with...

As my t says it there is no point to waste your energy and time figuring out why and what others do what they do or try to diagnose them. You might never get the answers. All you can do is focus on yourself and your own health and life. All you can control is your actions, not others'

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I cant , i think therapy is WONDERFUL ! Have friends that go, but i can't , we have mutual friends and hes close with some of my family, so he would know if i went , and if he knew i was discussing him , that would come up, couldnt hide that, i dont wanna tell anyone when i promised him i wouldnt , nothing bad , just his personal issues... But he already doesnt talk to me and if he found out i was in therapy he would think i was talking about him and be upset.. If i have any chance of him and me regaining our friendship/him talking to me , i have to be loyal. He has my secrets too, nothing bad again, just my personal feelings on things , and has never told anyone!! I cant , wont do that to him, thats why i came here for help.

I didn't say you must go to therapy. See my last post. I said don't spend time figuring out what and why other people do but worry what you do and why.

But let me see..., the guy doesn't even talk to you but you worry he'll know you are in therapy. It's not his business. And how would he know what you are discussing him? You know therapy is confidential or you don't?

By your logic People should never discuss any exes in therapy because they might find out and We have to be loyal to them? Really? How realistic is that? People not only discuss their past relationships but their current ones and their families

. If everyone fear that others will find out what we discuss in therapy what would be the point.

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He is very close to a family member and I'm pretty positive he asks how I'm doing so he would know because the area I live and the circle of friends us small , once he asks how I am in sure it would get out shes in therapy , I think he may feel guilt for just disappearing a little , I know the therapist can't tell anyone and its confidential so I know it wouldn't get out that way, the guy knows I'm hurt and he also knows he told me something very secret that ties into all of this and asked me please keep it among us , because I think it has to do with our distance and la k of communication and tough time we are going through I'm bot sure I could not tell the therapist and my friend is smart and o know he would panic if he thought i was telling his issues to someone confidential or not . I don't wanna tell a therapist that that's why I'm not going to go to one. I thought coming here I could get some help by talking to others who ate struggling too with this

People on here cannot help as no one really knows what is the issue here. All we know this guy doesn't want to talk to you. I don't even understand why is he is friend if he isn't even around.

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Hes been a friend for over 15 yrs.Hes pretty much a part of my family. Hes kinda done this before , drifts in, drifts out , always comes back around, he has depression spills where he isolates at times. Me and him have a pretty close relationship and he sorta did this again where he drifted off . I'm struggling a little without him , know without the real story , hard to help. I think he knows he can always come back , we just have a special bond and I'm really the only one who knows what ls going on with him , was wondering if maybe cause he confided stuff to me , his own fam doesn't know maybe hes embarrassed now .his other friends don't realize somethings going on with him , they just think oh this is him , he dies this leaving and coming back thing , but I know its more cause hes told me. would love to hear stories from others who struggle with dissassociation /emotional issues /commitment fears/ maybe bipolar also .

I disagree -- you are strong; you mustered the strength to articulate how you are feeling and share what is quite obviously a very painful situation. I am new to these forums but already feel that there is a considerable support system to be found here and lots of really kind people.

not sure of you/your friend's age range but this is not uncommon -- people fall in love/start seriously dating someone and seem to fall off the face of the earth... I personally would be flattered to have a friend like you, a friend who valued me to such a degree... but I don't really have any of those either; or the few cherished friendships I do have don't really reach out to me -- seems the only time we're in touch is when I initiate the contact.

be well...

It's good that you're taking his secret to the grave, so to speak. His disappearance is more than him being him and it sounds like it's necessary to pinpoint which disorder creates disappearance and development of a new love interest?
Does this person use/misuse substances? That can create disappearing acts when combined with a variety of disorders. Maybe the excitement of travel creates a sense of identity? The normal feeling of elation can be euphoric for certain disorders. The crash feels ten times worse than exhaustion after an adrenaline rush. Will he return? Maybe after he stops chasing after himself.

I sometimes lose track of old friends and do disappearing acts on them. It happens when I get extremely busy. I just have to prioritize. I feel guilty disappearing. He might be very busy. Did you ask him why he isn't talking to you?

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i hope and pray you feel better, it's hard losing in the game of love. better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, that is what i tell myself too.