Need help about online dating

Sorry ... I did not mean to imply that you were on disability for MI issues. Bottom line if you feel like you are taking good care of yourself - it does not matter... everyone has things that they feel insecure about and think it's a deal breaker. Be alert to who you are getting to know - IMO that is were the concern should be.

Hi brainhi no worries, I meant I didn't tell the guy the disability was for depression, which it is, but has become physical as well.
Doesn't matter, he also said "have a good long weekend", so doesn't want to meet right now and may just blow me off in time, he was probably just trying to be nice.
I messaged a few others and was honest, and guess what, they stopped messaging back. This was telling them right away when the topic came up.
Oh well, I wasn't expecting immediate dating, I may stay on there and see if someone understanding ever is interested.
And yes, I have to be concerned about who I am meeting as well, met a few liars before already, and some aren't serious and can be quite rude.

Safety and privacy are very important for anyone trying online dating.

Lastly, for anyone reading this in the same boat, I still think being too open and honest immediately, before knowing anything about the other person, isn't a good thing.... kind of like shooting yourself in the foot before even getting started, like was said.

It is a hard decision when to tell. At the same time by telling ahead of time and them not interested you save yourself a pain of rejection after first or third or tenth date.

You'll find someone. I wonder if there are others on disability?

And I don't think not wanting to date someone on disability means they aren't understanding. They have rights to have preferences who to date and it might not suit their life style . I've met men who didn't want to date a woman with kids. It was their right to reject me. It doesn't make them not understanding. I'd rather they were honest up front!

Life is tough. Heck I spent majority of my life single. And I am not on disability or face major health concerns. It is tough out there

Give it time be safe and good luck

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I don't think that answering a question about your employment status needs to involve giving away any information that one might view as personal. If asked you don't need to go into a lot of detail. You could simply say that you don't work at present. If the person asks for more information you don't need to say anything you're not comfortable to disclose. I certainly wouldn't think it is appropriate or necessary to detail your personal medical history to someone on a first date nor would you give an employment address. I can't see any reason why that is relevant or necessary at this stage. But I agree with others not answering a question about employment would be a red flag to me also. Normally that's one of the first questions that come up during email chat. Dating is a process of getting to know someone, so it's important to share certain information. But at the same time you need to look after your own safety, and not give away personal details to someone you don't know very well. In time you will discover if you trust the person and are compatible with them. Then you can go into more detail

Well didn't think I'd say anymore on the subject, but I have discovered in myself the ability to be honest. I guess I find it hard because I live in a very small town and it is easy for people to spread gossip. I have been here for 2 years though so anyone who lives around me, it would be obvious that I don't go out to work much.
Anyhow, I did meet someone else today, and when it came up I just decided to say mostly how it is.
It's been so long since I tried meeting anyone, that I found it difficult to have conversation. He was very very nice and friendly. By telling him how I am, being honest about what I'm like, I give him, or whoever else I meet, the real me, and a chance to exit. I do think naturally we all want to present the best version of ourselves when first meeting, but I honestly am getting older, and I don't care if someone likes me for me or not. He said the same thing. We really do just have to be ourselves.
Thank you for listening and for the help. I'm glad I asked, because it made me more certain that I need to just say it as it is, and be me.

oh, and maybe I'm not that bad, I did get offered dinner this week so we'll see, and I'm kind of proud of myself for actually meeting and being honest.

i cant work...
im trying to get on disability....
i dont think anyone will ever agree to date me due to this stigma....

I am so proud of you and your courage. That's exactly what I meant when I encouraged you to be honest and up front despite difficulty doing so. There is no other way but to be honest no matter what's the outcome. I applaud you. Sending you hugs.

That's how I approach my current ( very new) relationship. I don't even care if it all work out but I refuse to appear better than I am. I am up front about everything the first time in my life ( with support of my therapist) . It's scary but I know there is no other way.

I wish you the very best



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so just updating sort of.. it's been a month. I met this one person I mentioned in my first post. Told him I'm on disability. I'm glad I haven't mentioned mental health though. I really have a hard time communicating with him, or either that he isn't good at it (just my thoughts, he doesn't seem to know how to)... although in my depression I'm not great at talking either. But I've felt way more comfortable with other dates, so something's different, and it seems he may have a drinking problem.
The problem with living in such a small town is people talk, and I'm not willing to purposely tell people about everything right away. I have before, and in one case, it created a friendship, another it was used as an excuse.

Anyhow, this whole online dating thing seems very difficult, and many act interested and even plan to meet and then stop talking. So I'm just doing this to get out and get myself a bit more social. I see nothing wrong with that. I've put on there that I'm looking for friends for now. So, it's another way to pass time and hopefully make some friendships.

Making any kind of big deal about it just stresses me out, so I've decided to just have fun and not worry about what anyone thinks of me. Thanks for anyone who has or is listening and helped me.

It sounds like a great approach. The only thing I would probably advise not to say you are looking for friendship. You might not get as many replies. I stopped replying to men who said they are looking for friends. The ones who said it all turned out commitment phobics.

Yes it could be stressful, helps to get thicker skin and not get bothered too much. It's worth it though IMHO.

Good luck

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It's not just when meeting a prospective date, it is anytime I am at a public function or introduced to others. I simply state that I am off work and on a mental health disability.

I've never had to explain myself further, tho I'm sure most people assume Depression or some sort of Stress and it doesn't occur to them anything other than that.

Just wondering if you've had difficulty dating when there seems to be a stigma attached? I have

I met my boyfriend online. I told him that I was on a mental health leave from work and that wasn't a problem. It was several dates in - as he was telling me about his work - that I told him about my Bipolar. He didn't even bat an eye. In fact, I think he said something like, "no wonder you are so fun to be around." I have included him in what is going on in my world, he did some research, and has shown interest in my health. He has even offered to come to my psychiatrist with me.

We've recently had a bit of a blip in things - unrelated to my Bipolar but the point of the story is that I was honest early on, he respected that, and did what he could to learn and be supportive.

a lot of these posts seem to be more about internal stigma than external stigma. we keep talking about how other people cant accept us... we never know why someone really wants or doesnt want to date us... and we will never know if they want to if we dont try...

but we shoot ourselves in the foot if we assume before we start that they cannot accept us, and we send the world the message that we are not worth acceptance.

when i am confident in myself, most people dont care if i am on disability or not. if they do care, they arent worth it.

Don't do the verbal vomit. Actually, if you still do a bit of a work, just say that's your job. Get into detail more after you've established trust. There's no need to be so upfront. I do a lot of online dating and let me tell you... it's like shopping online for an S/O. That's what it's come to. Keep that in mind. It makes options so available that people would rather write someone off for having one or two things they can't jive with without trying to get to know the person. Dating has changed. Establish trust. And when it comes time to disclosure, make sure there's enough for the other person to not run away. This is why timing is key. I'm a firm believer that each human being is a universe of his or her own and that they are worth getting to know, but we live in a capitalistic, consumerist society where people are interchangeable, more or less.