[defeated11]

My SO (has been for almost 5 years) is suffering from depression for a long time. I have relapsed into depression a couple years back. We try to keep it together. Me specifically.

There are times when things just seem to collapse. Usually around the same time of the month, i'm sure you know what i mean. This is that exact day. She is saying she wants to break up. I know better than to suggest that this is her PMS talking but i'm running out of ideas. She is adamant that this isnt working, that i'm not the one for her and vice versa. Thing is, this is the exact same argument we keep having just about every month. A few days later, all is well. But she doesn't want to wait. She doesn't want to consider that things are not always this bad. She wants it to end, right here and now.

I've been especially stressed (anxious, sad, tired, etc) for some days now and i'm not sure i can hold it together this time. We live together so even giving it time means splitting up and that's a line that once we've been through, it'll be hard to come back from.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to tell her. I should be going home right now but i'm clueless as to what i should say / act / do. Please help.

There is a medical term for this my best friend suffers the same symptoms. I think its PMDD. She sees an MD for meds and tries really hard to control it. Unfortunately it can only be managed not controlled. She doesn't live with her SO and once a month they break up and he goes back to his house and she won't take his calls and once the week is over everything is fine. I have no advice sorry. I don't believe she means what she says but maybe taking a "talk about it " break when you see it coming on and staying apart within your home? Idk.... sorry..

[Narcokleptic]

Patience is key even in a time of distress just like this. Ive been there before and its literally like clock work it was the same fight and doubts coming from her and i almost gave in and agreed but thankfully i didn't. I decided to look for the signsfrom her and would approach it with caution but subtle messages in showing her all the reasons why it doesnt have to go that route but also not smothering her at the same time but you could feel her out. Its not easy but just remember is it wirth it and if so then do whatever it takes to reassure her

[defeated11]

I read a couple articles and the symptoms sure do fit in PMDD. I managed to brave through it yesterday, hopefully it'll be better today. The whole situation is getting the better of me, i find myself breaking down when i'm alone and i have no motivation, energy, or desire, to do anything. Not work, not anything else. How am i supposed to deal with all this when i myself am going through depression? I managed so far, but i feel its ripping me apart. Sometimes i just really, really want to lash out too, instead of just standing there while taking in all the rage and the insults. On one hand i'm affraid that i'll snap and on the other hand I almost wish I will. ... whatever. Its helpful just to put this out there, even if i'm pretty sure there will be no response.

[profound_betrayal]

Originally Posted by defeated11

I read a couple articles and the symptoms sure do fit in PMDD. I managed to brave through it yesterday, hopefully it'll be better today. The whole situation is getting the better of me, i find myself breaking down when i'm alone and i have no motivation, energy, or desire, to do anything. Not work, not anything else. How am i supposed to deal with all this when i myself am going through depression? I managed so far, but i feel its ripping me apart. Sometimes i just really, really want to lash out too, instead of just standing there while taking in all the rage and the insults. On one hand i'm affraid that i'll snap and on the other hand I almost wish I will. ... whatever. Its helpful just to put this out there, even if i'm pretty sure there will be no response.

I think you may have to get some professional advice. Both of you may be basically good people but in a bad situation @ the moment - you're on a time bomb . This is NOT sustainable, you are clearly straining from the 'load' of it. Sad thing is that without resolution, you may lose everything even though you may have potential to be happy eventually.

i myself had come to the end of my rope. Things escalated very badly. I myself did not know how to find the energy to help myself. My spouse is physically gone but still in the picture. Although the reality is depressing to me, I am using the 'me time' to just exhale & HEAL. Recover. I try to do things to distract myself from the reality.

I wish I could help more

You could:

• contact therapist to learn how to handle
• get some space for yourself, or
• plan o

n detaching or being away when the issues arise (substitute that time w/ feel good stuff FOR YOU).

Take care of you - her situation is out of YOUR control anyway. It has to be medically treated. You cannot help her, yourself if you are not taking care of YOU.
"Time bomb" - now, go do something for yourself!!

Good luck defeated - victory will come.
profound
-------------
oh ps:

I posted 'blah', below. "Vital" suggested the 'SNAP' technique

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...3191-blah.html

I am trying:

• 'SNAP'
• SPACE from my toxic experiences (from spouse)
• distracting myself w/ other activities, NEW experiences This is important to replace all the toxic emotions. Create new thinking habits
• affirmations

[I'm Worth It]

Originally Posted by defeated11

My SO (has been for almost 5 years) is suffering from depression for a long time. I have relapsed into depression a couple years back. We try to keep it together. Me specifically.

There are times when things just seem to collapse. Usually around the same time of the month, i'm sure you know what i mean. This is that exact day. She is saying she wants to break up. I know better than to suggest that this is her PMS talking but i'm running out of ideas. She is adamant that this isnt working, that i'm not the one for her and vice versa. Thing is, this is the exact same argument we keep having just about every month. A few days later, all is well. But she doesn't want to wait. She doesn't want to consider that things are not always this bad. She wants it to end, right here and now.

I've been especially stressed (anxious, sad, tired, etc) for some days now and i'm not sure i can hold it together this time. We live together so even giving it time means splitting up and that's a line that once we've been through, it'll be hard to come back from.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to tell her. I should be going home right now but i'm clueless as to what i should say / act / do. Please help.

Call her "bluff". Tell her something like "I love you and I think we have something worth saving and working together on. But, if this is the way you feel, and you've said it often in the past, I will accept it and move on". Tell her you will pack your things and go elsewhere and do just that. You do not have to accept this kind of behavior from her. If you keep letting it slide without consequences, she'll use it over and over again. This is hurting you and it's abusive.

You then tell her you would be willing to discuss reconciling in 30 days. Then you will meet to discuss the changes that need to happen and make a determination. She will need to get a grip on her monthly "issues", that's for sure. giving it time means splitting up and that's a line that once we've been through, it'll be hard to come back from. -- you have been dealing with this for quite some time. "Splitting up is a line that once you've been through, it'll be hard to come back from" -- it will be much harder to stay in this situation forever . . .

She is behaving like a child and there needs to be consequences. Be the grown up and draw a line.