Possible to date as a male with severe mental illness

Yes, I think it IS possible. I have a male friend who is bipolar in addition to myself. Being hypomanic makes us high energy and a hell of a lot of fun to be around. It is the depression that makes it harder to be around a bipolar person. Don't forget most of the time though you are in the middle ground not one way or the other. I think it could be said that a bipolar person can be considered attractive as a date. But your prospective partner needs to know early on - and they need to know what they can expect when you are at your highs or lows. They also need to know your expectations of what support for you will look like.


Again, in answer to your question, YES it is possible. I encourage you to give it a try and wish you good luck.

How possible is it- as a male- to find a long-term, mutually supportive, happy and healthy and non-codependent/caretaker relationship while being diagnosed with a severe mental illness such as Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder, etc.?

I personally have Bipolar II Disorder, and I find that my paranoia/fear of disclosing creates this aura of tension and vigilance that sabotages my relationships. It often works out well in the beginning, but the fear of being "found out" and thrown away for being mentally ill takes over and makes me super guarded myself and very afraid of being abandoned so I become hyper vigilant, paranoid and jealous. There were times I disclosed and pretty much never heard from the person again or was given the whole "not ready for a relationship/getting over my ex/not you, it's me" schpiel.

Come to think of it, as a male you're physically stronger than a woman and society different expectations for you. It's conceivable that women see mentally ill men as not just poor dating options but dangerous choices. Being stabilized on medication and with therapy is fundamental, but the real possibility of losing your **** one day due to medication tolerance or stress overload is enough to make you a bad dating prospect. Not to mention, my personal feeling is that I'd make a terrible, inconsistent father as a result of my Bipolar Disorder and I'd pass on genes to children who didn't ask for it. It seems easier for mentally ill women because there will always be a guy "man enough" to take care of them, but there won't be a woman that'll do the same, after all women have a biological purpose to protect and rear children, and a husband is ideally not someone you'd have to protect or care for as you would a child.

On a personal note, I've seen many couples where the man was mentally ill and they've broken apart due to the fact that dealing with chronic and severe mental illness is a drain on a partner and people deserve happiness and fulfillment in relationships, not the burden of caring for someone who has a condition that makes life hell.

If you read evolutionary psychology, it becomes super depressing after a while.

Thoughts?

Of course your relationships ended in flames!!!


You attempted to hide intrinsic parts of your very being.


I can't imagine how crazy stressful that must have been for you, nor how confusing it must have been for your gfs...


In short, that's a bad idea.

Yeah, Don't do that again.


Didn't you watch the Hunchback of Notre dame?


Get out of that damn tower, stop hiding and live your life, authentically.


I know it easier said than done, well not from personal experience, I never bothered to climb in the bipolar/bpd closet, so I didn't have any coming out issues.... But I'm telling you, hiding is really not the answer.


And if you doubt me, ask yourself "well how is it working for you?"

You're saying I shouldn't hide my mental illness? If so, I'm sorry, I disagree. Most people want love for themselves, and want a good partner. I don't want to reveal a possible deal-breaker until they come to love me and see the good side of me. I have so much bad that they need to see something good, a reason to hold on despite my bad side. Most people run away at first sight of mental illness, and those who don't I question their motives.

Question. Would you want to be with you?

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I asked because it's the question I struggle with myself. I think the key lies in getting to point, where I am truly content with myself. Usually, the things that annoy us most about a person, are the things we dislike within ourselves.

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I agree to an extent. I also think people are very different and someone may like/love you for reasons you won't understand.

You're saying I shouldn't hide my mental illness? If so, I'm sorry, I disagree. Most people want love for themselves, and want a good partner. I don't want to reveal a possible deal-breaker until they come to love me and see the good side of me. I have so much bad that they need to see something good, a reason to hold on despite my bad side. Most people run away at first sight of mental illness, and those who don't I question their motives.

Yes and no.

Yes I'm saying you shouldn't have to go through such lengths to hide it that you burn every bridge before its even properly erected.

But no, I don't mean you should go shouting it from the roof tops before you even properly introduce yourself.

Potential partners should know your last name before your acronyms, if you catch my drift.

My point was this, if you're exhausting all your mental energy on hiding your demons you have none left to actually sustain any kind of relationship or friendship.

Then these connections get burned to the ground and not because you have mental health problems, but mostly because nobody knows you're trying to hide them.

Idk if im being clear, my brain is full and foggy all at once, going thru my own bipolar swamp at the moment.

Sorry if my input wasn't helpful.