[Artchic528]

I want more than anything to be a bride. I've planned and dreamt of the special day since I was a little girl. I often look at online bridal stores, browsing the dresses, dreaming of a day when I have a reason to buy one. I even know where my wedding will take place, Myrtle Beach. The catch? I can't seem to find the groom in all this.

I know I am a great catch (I mean, I have hair that most other women would kill for). I look in the mirror each day and tell myself how wonderful I am. I love myself like everyone seems to say and thinks I need to do before loving others.

WHERE'S MY GROOM?!?

Forgive me for sounding so spoiled but I think I've more than payed my dues and am more than deserving of having my dream fulfilled. Why can't I find my groom? It's my damn time NOW.

Why won't guys see me as the loving wonderful catch of a wife I want to be for them? Is it my chubbyness? If so, it sounds kinda shallow to refuse me because of the fact that my meds aren't so kind weight wise. I am not going to lose the weight if you refuse to look past it to the wonderful heart I have inside. Come to think of it, I don't want the likes of you anywhere near me.

Sorry, this sort of turned into a rant. I am just fustrated here. You can move on now. I'm done.

Hey, Artchic. I know where you're coming from; I used to have a binder filled with my wedding plans. A freaking binder. No groom, not even a boyfriend. I'll let you in on one of my deepest secrets: I haven't had a serious boyfriend in 6 years. I know I'm smart, pretty, and interesting. But I can't find a guy who will a) give me the time of day b) with whom I connect or c) if a & b exist, then he is not single.

Just a question, and not to sound critical: what other attributes besides gorgeous hair make you a great catch? I have pretty awesome hair myself (in any case, it's unique), but I have found that men don't care, first and foremost, about my hair. Once they get to know me they get kinda attached to it, but what draws them in isn't really my physical attributes. I will admit that I am fairly overweight--I was already a thick (but fit) girl to begin with, and I've gained a lot in the past two years. I know how it is to feel like men are overlooking you because of this. I don't have much to say about that, unfortunately.

[Artchic528]

I'm very caring and kindhearted as well. I help animals and love them dearly. I'm also creative. I can draw pretty darn well if do say so. Just look at my album of art I did on my profile page.

I just don't get it. What don't I have that makes a guy want to ask me out?

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I'm very caring and kindhearted as well. I help animals and love them dearly. I'm also creative. I can draw pretty darn well if do say so. Just look at my album of art I did on my profile page.

I just don't get it. What don't I have that makes a guy want to ask me out?

You sound like an awesome person. You sound kind of like me, in fact...though I can't draw (that was my mother, the art major). I chose my art in the form of music instead.

I don't know the answer to your question, just like when I ask the same question about myself, other's don't have the answer for me. It's very frustrating, and I'm sorry I can't give you insight. I know that I can be pretty guarded--this is something multiple people have called out in me and something that I usually cannot see in myself. It's so inherently a part of me that I don't even know when I put up walls or push people away. I also don't really put myself out there, as in I don't go out to the places where I can meet guys. I am somewhat introverted and prefer to be at home either on the computer or with a book. I do go out, but it's usually with one or two female friends. The other hard thing about my situation is my age and maybe even surroundings--I am in my 30's and men my age are mostly married with kids. I also live in a place where a lot of people meet in college, or at church. I have graduated, and I don't go to church.

Do you feel that you are outgoing? Is there something you could get involved in which would help you to get to know men? I used to think that a guy would just come up on the street and ask me out. Lol, yeah no, that rarely happens. My guy friends have all told me they'd rather eat glass than do that no matter how attracted they are. Anyway...

[Artchic528]

I'm pretty introverted. I don't really trust as openly as I could because of being let down by so many in the past.

And if a guy won't ask me out when I am out, how the hell am I supposed to know they are interested? I don't ask guys out because of my trust issues. They certainly aren't helping the cause by remaining silent.

[healingme4me]

It's difficult regardless of body shape or size. Most men, would rather get to know a person beyond appearances and pretenses. I have kids which adds to difficulties.

How about a civic group or something along the lines of a civic art group? I'm thinking in my community there's chances to get involved in writers clubs and art groups that don't cost money to join, just ongoing commitment. Which could place like minded individuals together. Over time, in getting to know people, you never know.

Lots of men are gun shy, so to speak. Who can blame them? Being burned works both ways in love.

[Artchic528]

Joining a group is a wonderful idea, but unfortunately I don't drive and public transit in my city is a joke. If I could get out and about more, believe you me I would.

[divine1966]

It's not easy to find the right person. I really don't think men care about things like hair or weight ( some do care about weight but not many, but I never met any who cared about hair that much ). If you like to draw ( so do I) did you try to join art class? Art meetup? Online art community? Etc or volunteer with animals? Like animal shelter? You can maybe meet like minded men there?

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[Artchic528]

Do you know how I can find transportation to these places? I usually ask family members for rides, but I feel they tire of me using them like a free taxi service. Also keep in mind that public transit aka buses don't come out to my neighborhood and I can't really afford a taxi all the time.

Originally Posted by Artchic528

And if a guy won't ask me out when I am out, how the hell am I supposed to know they are interested? I don't ask guys out because of my trust issues. They certainly aren't helping the cause by remaining silent.

Well...guys aren't really much different than we are. They're insecure, they have trust issues, they worry about rejection.

I can't think of one person I know who met their significant other just...out. Okay, scratch that, 17 years ago, I worked with a girl who met her husband while she was pumping gas. And I guess I know a few people who met their significant others at bars (that's not my preferred method, but to each their own...I don't think it's bad, just not my thing) and the rest met through friends, through mutual activities, work, online dating, school, church, and etc. They got to know each other before someone made a move. The point is that husbands/wives don't tend to materialize on the street. Not in real life, at least. They do in the movies, that's what makes movies so darned good...they're a fantasy!

[~Christina]

I understand your frustration about not finding the every elusive "groom".

Since your current living situation has you pretty much stuck as to getting to places where you would have a better chance of meeting new people, I personally would just focus on moving to an area that will allow you to have transportation easier to obtain.

I'm not saying give up on your search , just set it aside a bit and make a game plan that is going to allow you to move more towards a better location to live in that will open up more avenues of mingling and possible finding someone.

Good luck in your search, I'm glad you have hair most women would envy

[divine1966]

I agree with Christina that moving to the area that allows more freedom might be a solution. My daughter doesn't drive. We lived in Midwest suburbs. She never liked suburban living and as soon as she could she moved to the city. Well her particular move was a bit drastically far but there are other cities. She still doesn't drive but her life is totally different there, the kind of life she wants.

I know it's not easy to move but it's doable. Maybe if not to the city but to the area and major roads with transportation

. I live in the areas with pretty much next to no transportation but I am now by the major road that has a regular bus going all over. Not perfect but I could even take it to work if need to ( which is far commute).

Investigate other options by major roads. Oh and look for roommates if you can't afford rent on your own.

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[Artchic528]

Moving does sound like a viable option here, but just thinking about leaving home to live on my own (or with a room mate) makes me anxious as hell. I have anxiety problems, which is why I don't drive.

Guess I need to suck it up, right?

[divine1966]

To be married you would have to eventually leave home and live elsewhere with a man. I know it's not the same as roommates but roommate might be less stressful than living alone? I am not sure. But I think you'll have to do it to expand your social circles.
Also if you have documented disability of any sorts your state might provide free drivers Ed?

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[specialneedsmom]

I would consider going out and trying to date as much as possible, if you really want to find someone.