I am very very angry

I'm still thinking a break from all this would be good...3 month efficiency.

You keep mentioning the phillipino culture - were you born there? Is that were you are? (don't answer if you want to keep that private)

Why I ask is that you seem to have hint of not agreeing with how that culture would treat you...and you also seem to question the treatment from your future husband...

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Pickle said:
((((((((((Inny)))))))))))) I don't like to see you get treated like that and deep inside you KNOW something is wrong but you keep making excuses to put up with it. That frustrates me. You really do deserve better.

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Ditto, ditto, ditto. Print out your posts, Inny, and read them as if you are reading the words of a stranger -- and see what you think.

Inny, I was going to recommend you buy a second towel :-) Seriously, I'd make a list of 5-10 very specific actions that really make you unhappy and then try to think of ways to solve them? For example, give the kids "choices" of what to help with or trade-offs? If they want something bought or to go somewhere special/expensive and you want to help them, give them a "price" they have to pay in assistance to you.

I would see if I could feel badly for the younger "siblings," that they are not being taught to take care of themselves -- rather than take it personally, that they are disrespectful to you. Do some bargaining, some outright communicating, "How about I make some chicken adobo while you two take out the trash and clean up some of these dishes? How does that sound?" that sort of thing.

My stepmother and I had troubles communicating and I remember our best times were when I was asking her about herself/her childhood experience. Maybe getting to know the younger teens better and what their life is actually like would help? It's good you remember how it was when you were a teen but their experience might not be similar? Talk to them a bit, let them know you, your likes and dislikes?

I had a girlfriend whose mother was ill so her father did all the cleaning and my girlfriend and her siblings nicknamed him "Shirley" and "teased" him a bit about the cleaning. Make your enjoyment of living in a clean, orderly environment a hallmark of "you" and as they get to know and like you and look around at the comfort of living in a clean, orderly place, they'll probably pitch in more readily to help. But not everyone sees cleanliness and order the same way, it can actually be a "threat" to some. All behavior is "learned" and obviously your bf's family/siblings and friends didn't learn the same things you did? You can teach them but it won't be instantaneous. If it's too hard for you, you probably should get your own place and ask your boyfriend to try adjusting to you and your ways instead of the other way around.

Inny

Its great that you are trying to work through these problems with your bf family....your love for him is very strong.

But PLEASE do not sell yourself short.

There should be compermise for all involved. You are giving alot of yourself to this family, I truly hope that they can appreciate your commitmment and understanding to them.

All the best Inny we are always here.

Cheers
SpringStar

Hello Inny,

It is obvious that you are really struggling with these things and have a lot of support here. I'm glad for that because it allows you a different perspective.

If I may add, if you want to stay with your boyfriend and feel accepted by his family - I just don't know if that is possible given the cultural differences. In my experience, even different family traditions within the SAME culture can cause a rift between partners. Those are things that make a person feel comfortable and changing them is very difficult to do.

You may love your boyfriend and he may love you but changing his family may not be possible. You are working so hard at trying to make this work, why aren't they meeting you half way?

I sincerely wish you happier times.

Songbird