I am very very angry

It is 7:30 am.....and i love to sleep in because i work so late.....i asked my roommate...my bfs sister to close the door because their parents are deaf and refuse to get hearing aides....so the tv across the hall was blaring loud...she never did close the door even though she was standing right beside it.....plus she came waltzing out of the bathroom alittle later using MY TOWEL to soak up her hair!!!!!!! That really PISSED me off...who does she think she is!!!!!!!!!!! Using my towel to keep her clothes dry.....use your own gosh darn towel...then she stood there.....pick through things making tons of noise ....only to pick up her underwear .....then i saw she brought clothes on hangers into the bathroom....the family has been desperatly trying to find out the person who keeps leaving hangers in the bathroom...and she leaves her dirty clothes all over the floor...we asked earlier if it was her obiviously being 15 she said no....omg .....i am soooooooooooo upset........boiling mad........THEN i ask her to put my towel in the dirty hamper (perferably HERS) and she tosses it on TOP of mine!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ........is this the respect i get all i do for that little brat???? It was earlier that i got her parents to say yes (very rare) to her to go to some anime gathering ....i even offered her money, helped her pack and all, i got no thank you, and she brought home something for some other chick living with us (she asked this chick to go with her ...even though i helped her out but she couldnt) and i was left in the dust.....i also just helped buy her a new laptop...shelled out 500 dollars...and i helped buy her brother a whole new gaming system thingy....no thank yous...not one....and then she proceeds to take it to school put it in her backpack and THROW it in the trunk of our car...on a hot day....i am sooooo sick of this children having no respect ....i may not be head of house ....i may only be 19 ....but i deserve some respect because i am a person!!!! I mean i give them respect...if i ask them to do something i will try to be very nice about it and explain that i really need their help...and they wont do it...or his brother (i think has some real major anger issues) will literally start punching his head and will sit there and stare at you and pretend he doesnt hear you....you know.....this really has my blood boiling....they dont clean the house anymore..at ALL!!!!!! I am the one to clean the house...with some help from the other chick...other than that...nothing...the parents lay around after work...while they look to me to run their stupid house....and there is TEN people LIVING in this stupid messed up 3 bedroom home.....with ONE bathroom (the other bathroom is the master bath for his parents...who dont share) omg...lazy lazy lazy lazy....i am sooooo pissed off....you cant imagine....and if my bfs sister doesnt do something his mother thinks its her right to scream at me saying im a bad influence...****** i might as well wipe your A*SS and your screaming at me???? I pay you 500 da*n dollars a month...i pay for your internet......i paid for your new appilances ....i sometimes pay for your grocerys.....i hand you money like its water...and still pay my own bills on top of that ......and you think you have the freaking RIGHT to SCREAM in MY FACE .....oh my god.....i think i need to calm down...its way to early for this....she just gets mad at me and then only speaks in tagolog so i cant understand....that is just rude...you know.....just plain rude......and mean...very mean.....and then my bf says im not trying hard enough to "understand" them...yea...they can kiss my butt ....understand that...grr sorry

I'm so sorry...

I hope it felt good to get this out?

Are there any efficiency apartments (not sure where you are) that are in the price range you pay now - sounds like it may be time to remove yourself from the toxins...

thanks...yes..i also yelled about it to my bf lol i dont think he waas to happy since he just woke up and is on his way to class...but he will deal ...like me....
and i did find an apartment actually because i was going to leave ....however they told me not to...and my bf and i had a long discussion and he asked me if i trust him to carry out a plan of his and i said yes...so here i am ....pulling my hair out lol.....his plan is to live here one or two more years here....get my RN and he gets his accounting...and then we will buy a house and use his parents house as a ...i forgot what thats called......and then never have to worry about it again...so i am trusting him....but its burning my temper quickly....lol as you can tell....

IMHO - get out before this eats you alive.

Time to sit down with bf and discuss the situation. Maybe you can come up with some ground rules that everyone can agree to and see if the next 30 days get better...

Your goals of RN and accounting are great - just not sure at what cost you should have to get them (theres money and then there is peace of mind)...

lol totally agree with you...but there is no ground rules made by "the girlfriend" in a phillipino community...its all about them...any outsiders ...are well outsiders...my bf and i have sat and sat and sat and talked and talked about this crap...mainly its a lack of communication as well as misunderstanding about each others culture...what gets to me the most though is i am supposed to bend over backwards to understand their culture but they refuse to give me the same respect...i make american food for them...and no one eats it...all they can do is complain that ...this is gross....how can you eat that or this and thats his brother and sister because they try it, his parents dont even look at it alot of the time.....i mean it really hurts my feelings they could say..just not my taste...God Bless my BF that he likes it and says....well i really like it....but i am not allowed to say no thank you to anything because according to my bf thats a sign of disrespect....i dont know...i just wish i wasnt the only one trying to understand them
cultural differences suck....but if i have to stay here for my bf i guess i am willing to make the sacrifice , he puts up alot from me...i mean there are times i keep him up until like 3 am .....so i guess i can do this..besides....they are his family...and if im going to marry him i am going to have to put up with his family for the rest of my life...lol if he loves them...i should sorta...like them at least

Ground rules would then need to come from b/f - will he be a MAN for his one and only?

And if you marry - you are right "to put up with his family for the rest of my life"

If he loves you and marries you where will this all go if he doesn't stand up?

By the way that is what we men are suppose to do... listen until 3 a.m. or what ever a.m. (my not so humble opinion)

yea...your right actually...i dont understand what to expect from a man and what to accept ...i take what i can get cuz every guy (from my two dads, to my guy family members, to guy friends) just never helped me with a healthy boundary and healthy relationship...so i always thought it was a major major act of curtisy lol...guys confuse me....but i think i will talk to him about setting boundarys....he will do the boundary thing for his brother and sister but i dont see him talking to his parents....its a major disrespect.....like kick you out of the family and dont return disrespect.....and i dont think id ask him to do that for me....lol i have no family at all....so.....thats got to say something lol

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Direction said:
IMHO - get out before this eats you alive.

Time to sit down with bf and discuss the situation. Maybe you can come up with some ground rules that everyone can agree to and see if the next 30 days get better...

Your goals of RN and accounting are great - just not sure at what cost you should have to get them (theres money and then there is peace of mind)...

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Excellent posting. Please pay attention to these words, Inny -- "eating you alive."

Maybe you were just letting off steam in your long post, as one person mentioned. On the other hand, these posts about your situation have been doing on for a bit now. Can you take 2 years of this? How much will you be stuffing to get through those years? What will the costs be to you? Will you SI? Will you develop a stress-related illness such as lupus? high blood pressure? an eating disorder? etc. etc.

Again, as this post said -- you have got to make yourself think clearly about the cost!!!

I have been reading a lot of Jung lately, and the latest book is about the abandoned child within. I am so influenced by what I am reading, I want to commit every page to memory. Bottom line is -- people who have abandoned child issues think that we are not worth anything and people-please like crazy. Sound familiar?

You are NOT getting the results you want from bending over backwards to please these people and the time has come to put YOU FIRST!!!

Please use that as your mantra: Me first. And figure out what you're ME needs and wants, and what is going to hurt your ME.

I am working on this too so it is not empty words.

thanks wants2
yes i have alot to think about .....and yes the whole abandoned child thing rings to clear a bell for me....kinda makes me feel sick inside.....
maybe ill tell him to set some boundaries and if it doesnt work i will get my own place....im scared to be alone and on my own...but its got to be better than living with 9 others ....its pretty crazy

by the way thanks Direction and Wants2

(((((DIrection))) ((((((Wants2))))))

(((((((((inny)))))))))

No advice, but I hope whatever you do, it gets better for you. It sounds really hard and you're going through a lot.

Get out!!! You can rent a studio apartment for $500 in Philly. I know there's got to be something out there for you. GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!! You'll be better off. I know it seems scary but trust me-you'll feel a lot better. A WHOLE LOT BETTER!!!
Please, go back and put a down payment on the apartment. Quit making excuses to put up with that b.s.-you deserve better.

PS (((((((((((((((((((Inny)))))))))))))))))))))))

yea...i had a long talk with my F*ckhead boyfriend....and he cant understand why i am upset....i am still royally pissed off because after coming home after an 8 hour shift and im in terrible pain...i had to do dishes at 11 pm at night...because two children were too busy watching tv...and my bf argued that it wasnt too hard for me to do...but i tried to tell him that it wasnt the point....and then he said well dont act like you work miracles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i said....well....um...i dont but i do do alot more than these kids...and he says not to compare....and im trying not to...but even if i did compare i work alot harder than they do!!!! I clean the house (bathrooms, bedrooms, vacum, dishes, reorganizing, laundry, mopping, sinks, counters, windows) once a week ...because honestly..i hope i dont sound piggish, i dont see the house needing such powerful cleaning more than once a week.....and then if the floor is dirty...just a sweep will do just fine...or a wet towel if its a stain or something....but guess was when the last time either of those two kids picked up a da*n broom? LOL i cant even remember .....well im sick of this crap...i tried to be nice and kiss him goodnight.....and he kissed me and as i was walking out he sighed..."Jesus Christ" ....and i was like what? He said ..."Whatever"...then like a little kid i went over to him and told him he can have his kisses and hugs back because i am thoroughly insulted with the lack of respect...omg....i dont know ...i am soo pissed off....im flaming...to the point where i am saying things in front of everyone...i dont even care to hide it.....omg i need to to breathe...breathe...breathe

((((((((inny))))))))

I think Pickle's right, you need to get out of there for a while at least. Do you have any friends in the area you could stay with for a night or two for a break, if you're not ready to go for good yet?

((((((((((((innysweety))))))))))))))))

I don't know how you live in such small quarters with 9 other people. It would make me so frustrated. I know I couldn't do it. It's hard too, to live with folks from a different culture.

Now, I have a couple of thougts here. If you are going to continue to live with them, then some changes have to be made. Remember, you cannot change others and the way they think. You only have control over yourself and how you think. You can choose to accept their laziness and how they are taking advantage of you, and you can keep getting angry about it, and letting it eat you up inside, or, you can change how you think and what you do for them while you are there.

1. Accept how it is and stop complaining or
2. Lay out ground rules for yourself - what you are willing to give of yourself to the household, physically and monetarily.
3. Stop pissing out money to the younger ones if they do not earn it! Yes, it's nice to help out, but its not nice to be taken advantage of.
4. Don't expect them to have consideration for you. They obviously don't already, and if you keep expecting them to and you are always disappointed when they don't, you are setting yourself up for frustration/anger/hurt.
5. Yes, living alone can be scary in the beginning. But, if it's what you need to do for your own peace of mind and safety, then take the first steps.
6. If you cannot see yourself getting your own place, then you need to let your bf know that while you appreciate having a roof over your head, it does not give anyone the right to take advantage of you.

I hope you are able to let go of some of the anger soon hon. Remember, you do have control over yourself. How you perceive things, how you respond to things, how you handle yourself is your control. Maybe if you stopped running behind everyone and cleaning up after them, they would have to get up and do it themselves. It may take some time for them to get the hint, and it may be hard for you to NOT do everything.

Hang in there sweety.....

Hugsssss
J

(((((((((inny)))))))))))

you have every right to be mad...these people are using you.

You are not afraid of hard work, you are smart.....BUT you deserve to be treated like everyone else in the family.

It sounds also that your are dealing with teenages...!

1. Get out to save yourself, you wont be alone, either find a flatmate, or your bf will be around to escape from his family.

2. Get out to save your relationship.

3. Get out and enjoy your independance that you are work so hard for.

Re: the abandon child...so many of us have that. Get the adult (YOU) to tell the inner child that it is OK to do this and that You will take care of her...tell and give the inner child a big hug......I hope you understand what I am saying.

Best wish and wonderful luck to you
SpringStar.

I think you have a right to be angry...I would stop all the cleaning and just take care of your items...until you can find somewhere else to go...

Don't expect much to change, I don't think you would want to do this for the rest of your life...do you?

Inny,

Well it sounds like this is all one sided here -- IMHO you need to go out and get yourself better living conditions. This might alleviate some of the anger issues that you are expressing towards your BF .. I know it is hard to goi to school and work and keep house nearly impossible.

You do the things thta you do cos you feel if they are not done then thye will not get done .... Well do you think that the other people in the house is seeing this also and knows that thye do not have to participate in the chores per say

I agree this is a very good post and you need to get yourself a better place that is more conducive to your current mental status. Your mental health is far worth more than a few dollars here and there



Tymber

((((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))) i have calmed down thank god lol....and ive decided i am not cleaning anything until the others start pitching in....i realized its partially my fault for allowing them to do nothing for all this time....by cleaning the house during the day, and getting things done myself after they start throwing hissy fits ....not anymore...i told my bf...that until something changes...this house will not be cleaned by me .....period end of story.....people can change....and im hoping my boyfriend will stop being the enabler....but if he doesnt....the house will just continue to grow dirtier and dirtier...until people cant stand it anymore.....the only thing i will continue to do is take care of my space and wash dishes otherwise.....its up to everyone else how they want to handle the situation....if they want to do it themselves and not let the teenagers do anything at all....then fine...thats their choice...but not mine ...and i refuse to feel guilty with it....thanks for all your kind words to me...it means alot......, love, inny

Inny, you need to get out of there. You're not head of household-head of household should be worried about it. Just that they aren't worried about it tells me that family is really messed up. Those people live like pigs. GET OUT!!!! Nobody is going to let a 19 year old change the rules of a house that's not even "your home". You're an outsider as far as they're concerned. They don't care about you. You go moving in there with your bf-paying rent and cleaning is the LEAST you could do-as far as THEY see it. YOU OWE THEM-'cause you're living in their house and taking up their space. So, either get use to that idea- that it sounds to me they have very firmly planted in their heads- and quit complaining and crying about it or move the hell out of there. Those are your two choices. You're not going to change the household, okay?
(((((((((((INNY))))))))))))))

ill quit complaining

(((((((pickle)))))))

Inny..

I agree with pickle...Please Please Please look at other places to live.

None of this is your fault either and you are definatly not complaining, please be strong and look after you.

Take care and all the best
SpringStar

((((((((((Inny)))))))))))) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so hard on you. I don't like to see you get treated like that and deep inside you KNOW something is wrong but you keep making excuses to put up with it. That frustrates me. You really do deserve better.

i completely understand i thank you for being so concerned about me....
i know this isnt my household....but in the phillipino culture (well i at least in this household) they expect me to show how well i can "keep house" i am actually allowed to tell the youngest two to wash the dishes....or mop the floor....its getting everyone to listen and communicate that is the problem...i am trying to understanding and be really lenient and never complain because they are teenagers...and i remember being 15/16 and understanding abuse...i mean there is by far no means of abuse here...but i know they deserve to be kids....what i am trying to teach them though...as a friendly outsider....as a sister .....that if you do things on a daily basis....like clean the house top to bottom once a week and keep up on it...you will actually have less to do than when you let it go to wreck and ruin...and in the philipino culture as well....the parents dont really do much...they work...and when they come home they expected to be served...as they served their parents....its very hard for me to deal with that....because if i ever served my mother....i would be screamed at....we were taught to stay out of each others way....and that was the best thing to do...and a way to not get yelled at...its so hard trying to reprogram myself.....let alone to a whole different culture...my boyfriend keeps telling me i have walls up and thats what is so difficult...because honestly...his parents know nothing about my home life...or my personal life really....i mean they know basics...like goals and stuff...why they accept me is because they see how much their son loves me ....(thats what they told me from their mouths) and that if he loves me...its probably for a good reason...its hard because they dont know what i deal with on a daily basis...and it needs to be kept that way....but i think that is what is creating all the tension....and their suspicions....and their ideals.....how can i go from being abused because i came into my parents presence and said hello....to forcing myself to remembering and physically doing the whole close family, have to make my presence known, explaining my day, and asking for advice....that is probably what creates all the tension...it is my fault and i do take responsiblity for it...its just so hard to do you know? there will be no easy way to settle this....but i know it will turn out ok....i will see this weekend if it proves slightly successful....because i told the sister that it was her turn to clean the house this week...all of it....so we will see....