[SubliminalThoughts]

So, the bad things.. I live with family members, I have no car, only a part time job, and I don't have much dating experience. Im guessing because of my age (26) most people would think I should have my life together.

The good stuff.. Im average looking, average weight, and I would say I have a good personality.

I ask this because I look on pof and some of the girls are demanding. They want a guy who has everything together and I don't have everything together, so im wondering if its even worth it to try to dating. Please be honest, I wont take anything personal or get my feelings hurt.

[scorpiosis37]

I think it depends on the kind of woman you want to date. If you are looking to date someone who also lives with family, only works part time, and has no car, you may be successful. I don't think one can really ask for qualities in a partner that they don't themselves possess. So if you are just looking to date casually and have fun, you have a real chance. You cannot provide future stability, but you can provide conversation, companionship, etc. That said, it might be a struggle finding transportation to dates and finding alone time together when you both have your families around. You both would have to depend on other people to support you and your relationship. If, on the other hand, you are looking for a woman who is financially independent with a stable career and home, that would probably be difficult. She would probably find your situation less appealing. Relationships often work best when both partners are at the same stage in life and contribute more or less equally to the relationship. You can't really do that at this point. So, I would say the answer is "it depends on what you're looking for." Of course, if you are able to start looking for a full-time job, that could really increase your chances because the financial aspects of that would help you get a car, your own place, etc. But if you have a mental health or disability issue, then perhaps you can just focus on finding companionship with a woman who is in a similar situation and will appreciate what you do have to offer.

[divine1966]

I suggest do not use that site. Is more of a hookup rather dating site. Now old are you? Also is there a reason you only work part time such as being in school? No car due to health reasons or money? Do you have plans on improving your life? Is this temporary set back or permanent life style? It all depends.

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[ChipperMonkey]

I disagree with not being able to ask for qualities that you don't you yourself have. I also think its ridiculous to be asking for certain qualities in the first place. I guess I'm a bit biased in that I myself don't have a lot in life because I'm disabled....so on the outset, I could only get guys who don't have a job and live with their families. Uhm....no, I refuse to accept that. My intelligence makes up for what I don't have. I have a drive to change which very few people possess. I have an online friend who is much the same, smart as ***** and driven to change (I've seen how far he's come over the years.) He can't find a woman to date because nobody has any foresight. Women don't want to look deeper into who he is and give him a chance. If i didn't live 4 hours away from him, I'd SO date him. (I know he cares for me too, but yeah, the distance thing....sigh.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are indeed a lot of short-sighted people out there who only see what you put in front of them. They don't care about where you're going in life. Avoid these people at ALL costs, as when things go downhill, they'll be the first to abandon you.

Just be yourself. Stay away from stupid dating sites. People list all of these things they want in an ideal partner, but in the end, you click with who you click with, regardless of whether or not they meet all of your requirements on a check list.

[scorpiosis37]

B

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are indeed a lot of short-sighted people out there who only see what you put in front of them. They don't care about where you're going in life. Avoid these people at ALL costs, as when things go downhill, they'll be the first to abandon you.

Just be yourself. Stay away from stupid dating sites. People list all of these things they want in an ideal partner, but in the end, you click with who you click with, regardless of whether or not they meet all of your requirements on a check list.

I don't think it's about being short-sighted. I think it's about being realistic and about falling in love with who someone is NOW and not trying to change them or envision who you think they might become. I dated a woman for 5 years and, at the beginning, was really excited about all of things she told me she was going to do-- she was going to finish her education, persue a career in social work, and put in 50% with housework, finances, etc. I waited 5 years for all of these things to happen. They never did. And during those five years I finished my education, got a full-time job, paid all the bills, and did all the housework. I was TIRED and stressed out and miserable keeping 2 people afloat while she didn't contribute. How is it wrong to want a partner who can contribute 50%? I'm MUCH happier with my current partner who pulls her own weight. Everyone has their flaws, but I want to be with someone who is an equal partner. Not everyone feels the way I do; everyone is different. I'm just stating my personal opinion.

[divine1966]

I am certainly not a short sighted person. My current partner has a disability. It doesn't bother me a bit. Life isn't easy for him. He pushed through though and has college degree, lots of debt due to that but he has professional job he loves, and determination. Neither of us is looking to be supported or support someone. We want to be equal. Not just materially speaking but in every sense. That's how I taught my daughter. She is married to her equal. But as previous poster said others don't have to feel the same

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To be perfectly honest, when I was 26 I wasn't very successful--I wasn't in the same situation per se, but I didn't have a degree, worked a dead-end job, and didn't have much going on. It made me frustrated that men my age who were professionals didn't want to date me, but I get it. Now that I've worked in my chosen field for over a decade and have finally completed my degree in that time I get it even more. It's not really anything against someone specifically, but I've worked hard and against some pretty significant circumstances to be where I'm at. I think I'd get on best with someone who has similar life experience, that's all.

[12AM]

Not every girl is demanding. Think again, if a girl wants you because you have your own apartment, have a good job, have a fancy car, and an island in Caribbean, does that girl wants you or your money? Me myself I am not asking for a man to be the best (in anything), what I am asking for is that man can bring out the best version of me. Besides, love is something illogical, there is no “standard-check list” it in.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by 12PM

Not every girl is demanding. Think again, if a girl wants you because you have your own apartment, have a good job, have a fancy car, and an island in Caribbean, does that girl wants you or your money?

I think it's important to recognize the difference between a woman (or man) who wants a partner who is able to support themselves-- and someone who wants to be supported by their partner. I want someone who has their own place and a good job because I don't want a partner who has to rely on me for money. I support myself and expect my partner to do the same. I absolutely do not want someone for their money-- I just don't want someone who will be dependent on me. No island necessary; just someone who can pay their own living expenses.

[divine1966]

There is nothing demanding about wanting someone with a job. It's pretty basic requirement. Going for a man with no job means I would need to support him. Going for a man with no car means I'll have to drive him at all times. No need to have fancy jobs or fancy cars. But I myself work, have my own place and own a car. I don't expect anyone to provide for me. Why would I look for a man whom I need to support? I understand temporary set backs but not as permanent situation.

People talking about grown people having a job or their own places as some unrealistic fancy demand.

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[SubliminalThoughts]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I think it depends on the kind of woman you want to date. If you are looking to date someone who also lives with family, only works part time, and has no car, you may be successful. I don't think one can really ask for qualities in a partner that they don't themselves possess. So if you are just looking to date casually and have fun, you have a real chance. You cannot provide future stability, but you can provide conversation, companionship, etc. That said, it might be a struggle finding transportation to dates and finding alone time together when you both have your families around. You both would have to depend on other people to support you and your relationship. If, on the other hand, you are looking for a woman who is financially independent with a stable career and home, that would probably be difficult. She would probably find your situation less appealing. Relationships often work best when both partners are at the same stage in life and contribute more or less equally to the relationship. You can't really do that at this point. So, I would say the answer is "it depends on what you're looking for." Of course, if you are able to start looking for a full-time job, that could really increase your chances because the financial aspects of that would help you get a car, your own place, etc. But if you have a mental health or disability issue, then perhaps you can just focus on finding companionship with a woman who is in a similar situation and will appreciate what you do have to offer.

This is really helpful. So basically I should be looking for people that are in the same situation as me. All im really looking for is companionship.

[SubliminalThoughts]

Originally Posted by divine1966

There is nothing demanding about wanting someone with a job. It's pretty basic requirement. Going for a man with no job means I would need to support him. Going for a man with no car means I'll have to drive him at all times. No need to have fancy jobs or fancy cars. But I myself work, have my own place and own a car. I don't expect anyone to provide for me. Why would I look for a man whom I need to support? I understand temporary set backs but not as permanent situation.

People talking about grown people having a job or their own places as some unrealistic fancy demand.

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I guess it was unfair of me to say that its demanding because in reality, I should have my life together since im 26. At least when it comes to most peoples standards.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by SubliminalThoughts

I guess it was unfair of me to say that its demanding because in reality, I should have my life together since im 26. At least when it comes to most peoples standards.

The thing is that 26 is still young. There is no rule that you must be doing certain things at 26. But you might set some type of goal for yourself. Some type of vocational rehabilitation and some type of training, if you can't figure it yourself then that's vocational rehab is for.

You never specified why do you not work or work part time etc or why do you live with family or why no car. If you work part time it means you can work? Have you looked for full time positions or some type of training?



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Originally Posted by divine1966

People talking about grown people having a job or their own places as some unrealistic fancy demand

For real though.

To the OP, I hope you don't feel we're bashing you. We're not. I didn't have my life together when I was 26 (as I said before, not the exact same situation, but my life was a mess) and it's 10 years later and I'm just graduating from college, just moving up in my field. Just starting to actually think like a grown up.

Don't give up on yourself. I do believe that you're going to be looking for someone in a similar situation to you. But that situation can always change. It may take baby steps and time, but it can change.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'm 28, no kids, no college (went to school for medical assisting instead), and currently no job because of my MI. My bf lives with me in my house and mostly understands that I just can't work at the moment. I refuse until I'm stable because my last job was a mess. We do bicker about money at times and he hints around that I need a job. But he wouldn't leave me (not anytime soon at least lol). I think the key is finding someone that is accepting and understands if you suffer from a MI. I'm lucky that he doesn't mind too much about picking up the bills. I bought this house cash, he lives in it, so he contributes. The question is how long is he going to put up with my **** lol

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Lamictal titrating at 75mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 50mg PRN

[iwonderaboutstuff]

Originally Posted by SubliminalThoughts

I ask this because I look on pof and some of the girls are demanding. They want a guy who has everything together and I don't have everything together, so im wondering if its even worth it to try to dating. Please be honest, I wont take anything personal or get my feelings hurt.

It's not worth trying to date those^^ girls. Find others to date.

[ChipperMonkey]

Threads like this make me want to puke when I see how shallow society is. It's more in your face "you're not good enough because you're on disability" stuff. Honestly, I can't wait until I've healed a bit more, finished my degree and am back to working again.....partly so I can laugh at all those people who disregard me as the scum of society.....for having a disorder.....that was due to abuse. SMH.

Thank GOD there are people out there who love me regardless. Thank GOD I have the same attitude toward others.

OP don't EVER settle. Be yourself. There's someone out there for you.

Kick the gold diggers to the curb.

Nowadays people want the good life NOW. There's no appreciation for those who build themselves up over time. Instant gratification society. It hasn't always been like this.

I have a possible disability myself and would not date someone with a disability.

Others would. Everyone is different.^

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Threads like this make me want to puke when I see how shallow society is. It's more in your face "you're not good enough because you're on disability" stuff.

OP don't EVER settle.

Nowadays people want the good life NOW. There's no appreciation for those who build themselves up over time. Instant gratification society. It hasn't always been like this.

I have a disability. I also put 8 years of hard work into getting a PhD. Wanting someone else who has also put in the years of hard work getting an education and building a career is hardly wanting instant gratification or being a gold digger!!! It is wanting someone who can contribute 50%. Why should those who have worked hard building ourselves up, over time, settle for dating others who are dependent and have not built themselves up? When I was living paycheck to paycheck as a student, I would not have expected someone more established to date and support me; I dated other students. Since you just told the OP not to settle, why are you suggesting those of us with jobs should settle for partners without jobs?

It all depends on the people involved.

1 job v. 2 jobs
one college degree v. no degree
tall v. short

It depends on what you are looking for in a partner.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I have a possible disability myself and would not date someone with a disability.

Others would. Everyone is different.^

It's interesting. I agree everyone is different. I don't have a disability but....I would ( and currently do, my BF has a disability) date someone with disability. But wouldn't date someone who does not work. I can't afford to support anyone. Disability doesn't have to always equate to not working ( unless severe or temporary condition ). I know it first hand. That's what I do for a living, may years . I saw almost every disability there is. Of course some make it impossible to work or live on your own. But some, not all of them

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[divine1966]

I find amusing that on PC unless a woman is willing to work hard and support a male who doesn't work or work little she is called shallow or demanding or gold digger lol

I have never heard of such thing in real life. Even my teenage students with disabilities don't think that unless a girl financially supports them she is shallow. I only see such opinions on PC! My BF has a documented disability and he never thought he needs to find a woman who would support him, otherwise she is shallow!

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Originally Posted by divine1966

It's interesting. I agree everyone is different. I don't have a disability but....I would ( and currently do, my BF has a disability) date someone with disability. But wouldn't date someone who does not work. I can't afford to support anyone. Disability doesn't have to always equate to not working ( unless severe or temporary condition ). I know it first hand. That's what I do for a living, may years . I saw almost every disability there is. Of course some make it impossible to work or live on your own. But some, not all of them

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I have multiple sclerosis and have a son with asperge'rs and another son with bipolar and type 1 diabetes. I don't think I could deal with another disability unless the person was very independent.

[avlady]

me myself am married after several relationships where i was abused and treated badly. i am married for 20 years now, love it and am disabled myself which my husband knew of before we married and had my own baggage like a son out of wedlock where i was engaged to his father. i had to fight for custody which i won thank god. i'm just saying to get the info you need too about the person you like and see if they would still agree to accept you. love is blind too. good luck

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by SubliminalThoughts

So, the bad things.. I live with family members, I have no car, only a part time job, and I don't have much dating experience. Im guessing because of my age (26) most people would think I should have my life together.

The good stuff.. Im average looking, average weight, and I would say I have a good personality.

I ask this because I look on pof and some of the girls are demanding. They want a guy who has everything together and I don't have everything together, so im wondering if its even worth it to try to dating. Please be honest, I wont take anything personal or get my feelings hurt.

There are people older than you who still don't "have it all together"! If you find the right one, you can build a life together. I wouldn't give up if I were you. You're still young enough to get things right!