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#1
Jun 08, 2007, 07:27 PM
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It all feels so wrong. I am titilating between anger/rage and great sorrow. His affair makes me wonder what substance I have to any of my relationships. If two people can be married for 21 years and have this happen, what else isn't right?
My therapist tells me that he needs to take reponsibility for what he did. That there were many options he could have excercised besides having an affair. But this all feels like I've lived my life wrong and that I was totally rejected - the ultimate rejection - and that it's all my fault. I feel empty and hollow. And so angry. This just seems like it's too much.  Songbird
__________________
 "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#2
Jun 08, 2007, 08:46 PM
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((((((((((((SongBirdandDaisy)))))))))))))
I understand how you feel and it hurts and it is wrong. Its like your looking at the world through one window and everyone is looking through another window.... Rest and then come out Strong GodBless SpringStar |
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#3
Jun 09, 2007, 05:32 AM
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Thanks Springstar,
It does feel as though everyone else gets to look through a different window. And fatigue only exaserbates the whole issue. Thank you for being here. Songbird
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#4
Jun 09, 2007, 06:17 AM
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Yes it feels wrong that we have to through this and I can tell you it is going to be harder, until you can accept that it was his doing and not your fault some men just think that they can behave that way.
I came home from grandmother funeral and found my husband (now ex) in bed with another woman.... I had two young children 3 and 18mths. I was completely devastated. It’s a long story. But I total understand what you are going through. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, felt so sorry for myself and the children....I thought that everyone knew but me...I couldn't go out in public. It was a terrible time. I lost too much weight down to skin and bone, it just ate me away. My whole being felt betrayed and I couldn't understand why this had happened to ME...!!!!! I kept asking myself what I did wrong...! It wasn't until I left the whole situation...relocated 4hrs away that I finalized realized it wasn't me but him. It has taken years to rebuild my self esteem. I had to look really deep inside myself and find the courage to make my life worth while.....the children helped of course. Life is a battle sometimes, and many things are sent to try us......I sure hope that when I reach the end I will find out why..!!! Until then keep soldiering on. Hell my life has just fallen apart again........ My partner of 7 yrs just called it quits. I don't have all the answers..... I just wanted to let you know I understand and I'm here for you. Things that helped me were I kept working and meeting different people, I kept my family close and I tried to find things that make me happy. It took allot of tears and some bad decisions. I have just finished my post-grad and I have fantastic job. I work with artists and they are the best..........to them there is not right or wrong answer, no judgmental opinions and anything goes, they are also really intellectual, which is quite refreshing...you know....... no gosip. I think a lot of people on PC would really enjoy interacting with these kind of people as you really don't feel alone or weird for being who you are....sorry just rambling now. But I do hope you find piece with in yourself. GodBless and take care SpringStar |
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#5
Jun 09, 2007, 10:48 AM
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Springstar, it is not your fault. Hugs and hugs.
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#6
Jun 09, 2007, 11:36 AM
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Sorry....
 Didn't mean to interupt SongBirdandDaisy's thread....  Just finding history repeating itself. God Bless SpringStar |
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#7
Jun 09, 2007, 08:12 PM
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Oh hun
That is a big thing to have happen, I know... I am so sorry you had to go through it. I am absolutely bad at dealing with things like this, so I don't have any practical advice for you right now but just wanted to let you know i care 
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#8
Jun 10, 2007, 07:49 AM
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<font color="purple">Getting to the point of realizing that it was his bad decision and not my fault, I think, will take some doing. From what I am reading here, it seems like most people go through this. I'm sorry for that, but it also gives me some hope. When something like this happens, I imagine we all feel that it is our fault. How else could we explain causing so much devestation? Do they not realize the consequences of their actions?
Thank you for sharing with me, Springstar, it helps me to see that I am not alone. And I am sorry that we have to share such a story, as many others here also do. There are other circumstances. I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse, which I've never worked through - but am getting help now. My husbands affair only concreted my feeling that I am nothing more than an object. Why can't they see all the goodness? I do everything so he doesn't have to. I did this to make his life easy and comfortable and it made me happy. Now I see that none of it is appreciated and I was taken advantage of. A door mat. A convenience. There is no self-worth in that. I see that I am going to have to redefine who I am. I asked my psychologist yesterday who I was, what I was meant to be? And the silly guy said that answer was within me! I sarcastically replied that I've done a bang-up job so far! **Heavy Sigh** Songbird </font>
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#9
Jun 10, 2007, 07:53 AM
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<font color="#000088"> Rainbowzz, you have always been an understanding and supportive friend. Just being you makes all the difference in the world
 I don't know where all of this is going to lead me. I know that some people deal with much more but it's a life shattering experience for sure. It's causing me to question everything and there is no longer any stability. After I left home, away from all the bad stuff, I met my husband and created a life half a country away from the bad stuff and now my husband pulled the rug out from underneath me. Songbird </font>
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#10
Jun 10, 2007, 10:04 AM
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"My therapist tells me that he needs to take reponsibility for what he did. That there were many options he could have excercised besides having an affair..."
Yes there were...here we are now...I'm so so sorry... As you try to redifine yourself - you might want to look at two words "doormat" (generally passive) and "assertiveness"...
__________________
Direction  Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#11
Jun 10, 2007, 04:40 PM
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Direction,
I certainly will. I guess I am passive aggressive and need to find assertiveness. As I mentioned, there are other circumstances and unfortunately, this whole thing is very complicated ~ more so than I thought.
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#12
Jun 10, 2007, 10:21 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((((((SongBirdandDaisy))))))))))))))))))))))))
Big Big Hugs.....You are definitely not alone...... Sometimes you do have to "re-create" yourself to survive. One exercise I used and I don't know if it’s in any text book. Was when I was confronting with hard roar emotions or circumstances? my first instinct was to react as I always did, I than have to take a conscious pause...literally stop and think the very opposite....black and white on this one.....it didn't matter the situation....what mattered was my reaction....it was tough and it is tough now. I guess it about changing your thought patterns and giving you time to heal. Time and space are great healers. Hope this helps a little. GodBless and take care. XXX SpringStar |
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#13
Jun 11, 2007, 08:21 PM
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"Time and space are great healers" . . . I guess I need to be patient with myself? Be patient with the situation?
Sorry, I'm not doing well tonight. Just feel totally drained. Thank you for the kind support. Songbird
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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